Gina: You got category I9 C3 G6.
Captain Holt: I9 C3 G6? Is that as good as it sounds?
Gina: You have a robust sense of self and are well suited to leadership positions. Characteristics: strength, determination, tenacity.
Captain Holt: Yes, I suppose that's accurate. They do call me Tenacious Ray down at the country club. Because for the past ten years I've been suing them for discrimination.

Rosa: Come on, sir, the math thing isn't the problem. Night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart. You two just need to bone.
Amy: [chuckles nervously]
Captain Holt: What did you say?
Amy: Don't say it again.
Rosa: I said you two need to bone.
Amy: [whimpers]
Captain Holt: How dare you, Detective Diaz. I am your superior officer! [shouting, five minutes later] Bone! [sternly, ten minutes later] What happens in my bedroom, Detective, is none of your business. [shouting, twenty-one minutes later] Bone?! [calmly, forty minutes later] Don't ever speak to me like that again.

Captain Holt: Squad, since Peralta's briefing was cut short, you can all use this time to clean up your desks. Look at this place. Half-eaten food, crumpled tissues, pictures of your families.
Sergeant Jeffords: What's wrong with pictures?
Captain Holt: If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like.

Jake: Let me show you what we found: A security camera grabbed some footage of Cheddar being picked up and put into a car which was registered to an anonymous shell company on Dean Street. We can be there in 15 minutes.
Captain Holt: That's weird. It's sunny outside.
Jake: Why's that weird?
Captain Holt: Because a [bleep]storm is about to rain down on that punk.
Jake: Oh, my God, I fell for it, and I loved it.

Captain Holt: So now I know who the sumbitch is who took my dog. The only problem is, I have no idea where to find that sumbitch.
Kevin: Well, Raymond, I think we can help you find that sumbitch. Jake?
Jake: Sumbitch. We all got to say it.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, she's dead.
Captain Holt: Oh, Terry. Zombies can't die. This is some sort of scam. If she were dead, we would be hearing the sounds of children singing in the streets.

Jake: Or it's possible the announcement has nothing to do with you.
Captain Holt: Oh, good thinking, Peralta. You're right. Maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she's a Cheuksin.
Charles: A what?
Captain Holt: A Cheuksin. A Korean toilet ghost, lives in an outhouse, wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death while you move your bowels.
Jake: You know what? I will give you $6,000 if the announcement is she's a Cheuksin.

Captain Holt: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
Madeline Wuntch: Call me the devil, Raymond? How original.
Captain Holt: Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.

Charles: Hey. The desk sergeant said we're hosting a forensic sciences course.
Captain Holt: Yes, taught by Dr. Ronald Yee.
Amy: He revolutionized the field of forensic entomology. He is a rock star.
Captain Holt: Oh, please. Rock stars wish they were he. The man can tell how long a corpse had been decomposing just by studying the maggots inside. I'd like to see Barbra Streisand do that.
Amy: I'm not sure Barbra Streisand counts as a rock star, sir.
Captain Holt: She sings in English. That's rock music.

Regina Park: Sorry if my voice is raspy. They just took the breathing tube out.
Captain Holt: But they left the BS in?
Sergeant Jeffords: Good God.
Charles: Whoa.

Minister: So, do you Kevin-
Kevin:Yes.
Minister: And do you-
Captain Holt: Yes. Yes. We do. We're married.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I can't get why you don't want me to file the complaint. I thought you of all people would support me.
Captain Holt: First of all, let me say, what that officer did to you was wrong, deeply wrong, and I'm furious about it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay. So why don't you back me up?
Captain Holt: Because that complaint could backfire. Cops who blow the whistle on other cops almost always face a backlash, just like people who socialize with Margo invariably hear about her trip to Scottsdale.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're real worked up about Margo.
Captain Holt: Sorry. She's horrible.

Captain Holt: Oh, I've caused a problem. I think I am getting a text message. Bloop. Ah, there it is.

Charles: Nikolaj had a half-day at school for Mariano Rivera's birthday. I'm watching him on my lunch break. Nikolaj, say "hi" to Captain Holt.
Nikolaj: Hi, Captain Holt! How's Mr. Kevin?
Captain Holt: Stressed. His annual budget review is today, and a recent change in federal policy means his grant situation is tenuous. At best.
Nikolaj: Okay.

Sergeant Jeffords: Good Lord. Where did he get that?
Captain Holt: Oh, my God, we're doomed. Boyle looks like a lesbian.