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Quote from the episode NutriBoom

Jake: All right, let's get a move on.The longer I stay here, the more horrified I get.
Charles: I know. Have you seen all these posters of David Stovelman's wife, Debbie?
Jake: "I'm happy, healthy and alive." Oh, Debbie dead.
Charles: Debbie real dead.

Quote from the episode The Jimmy Jab Games

Jake: I don't have feelings for Amy any more. So, time for me to get out there and spread my -
Charles: legs.
Jake: - wings. Get out there and spread my legs?!
Charles: Well, either way...
Jake: No, not either way. Only wings.

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Shaheen and Dunn, you're on the Prospect Park tagger. Gates, Nahar, remember to check in with Forensics. Boyle, Larkin, I want you working the J Street Axe murder.
Detective Larkin: Ooh, we're the butcher bimbos.
Charles: No.
Detective Larkin: The butcher babes.
Charles: Nope.
Detective Larkin: Detective Boyle and his little butcher buddy.
Charles: Oh, I like that.

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Boyle, I'm glad you're sticking around. I'm gonna be depending on you a lot.
Charles: You got it, Captain, for diet and exercise tips.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? No. To solve cases. My body's fine.
Charles: Nice, that's a very healthy attitude.

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Charles: Oh, Jake, I can't believe you're leaving. I mean, it's not the Nine-Nine without you.
Jake: I know, but Rosa's already gone and Holt and Amy are moving on too.
Charles: Is that why you're doing this? To fit in with that crowd?

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: Look, whether we work together or not, we're always gonna be best friends and partners.
Charles: Right. Life partners.
Jake: Best friends.

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: Charles, I just want to be there for Mac.
Charles: I get that, but this whole thing is just taking me by surprise. I don't know if I can come in to work and do this job without you.
Jake: Are you kidding me? I mean, maybe the you of nine years ago couldn't handle it, but you're not that person anymore. You used to live in your ex-wife's husband's basement and date 75-year-olds and now you've got your own house and Genevieve and Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Why don't you just call him Nick?
Charles: Nik.
Jake: All right, now you're ruining the moment.
Charles: Copy that.

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 1)

Sergeant Jeffords: I hid five clues, each leading to the next. And the last one gets you the tube. The first clue is under your chairs.
[later:]
Amy: "Our fallen colleague missing still..."
Captain Holt: "His replacement fits the bill..."
Jake: I can think of one colleague who literally fell. We all watched it happen and then we ate his sweet candy insides.
Charles: [shouts] The vending machine! [quietly] Is one theory, probably incorrect.
Jake: Damn it, Charles. Silent epiphany!

Quote from the episode Renewal

Rosa: Well, that should keep him busy for a bit.
Charles: That was smart, but I don't think we should mess with Cheddar too much.
Rosa: Why not? He's an animal.
Charles: Animals can be very vengeful, Rosa.
Rosa: Is this about Lieutenant...
Charles: Of course it's about Lieutenant Peanut Butter.
Rosa: Yeah.

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Charles: Ah! I did it!
Becca Boyle: He's The One True Boyle. [cheers and laughter]
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God. What is that stench?
Charles: It's the Grandmother Dough.
Sergeant Jeffords: It smells horrible.
Charles: Not to a Boyle. [sniffs deeply]

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Charles: [on the phone] Okay. I love you too, Dad. [hangs up] Did you guys change clothes?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, Charles. It's tomorrow now. You been on the phone for 14 hours.
Charles: Well, you know what they say, "Time flies when God pulls down his pants and takes a dump on your life."
Jake: Oh, buddy. I'm so sorry.
Charles: Being a Boyle was the backbone of my identity. Without the Boyle backbone, I'm just a bag of flesh. I'm goo.
Jake: Come on, you're not goo. Being a Boyle is about more than blood. It's what's in your heart.
Charles: Blood is what's in your heart. You're making it worse, Jake.
Jake: Okay, fine. Then what about Nikolaj? He was adopted, so technically, he's not a Boyle, but that never bothered you.
Charles: I didn't even think about Niko. He was already a Boyle once removed which is tough enough. Now he's twice removed? Twice-removed Boyles are a total [bleep] clown show, okay? Niko's basically Cousin Andrea. Sorry, Andrea.
Andrea Boyle: I know what I am.
Jake: Well, damn.

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Jake: The person who killed Pappy wasn't a person at all. It was Muffin. [all gasp] I checked her mouth, and Muffin had the same ulcers that Pappy had.
Muffin ate the poison, and then Pappy drank her milk.
Sergeant Jeffords: Charles, you said nutria could open doors. Muffin must've let herself into the barn.
Jake: Which explains why we found her hair on the box.
Charles: So Lyndon was innocent.
Sam Boyle: Wait, how did you know it was Muffin's hair? Did you get the DNA report back?
Jake: Exactly.
Charles: Wait, but I thought the report was gonna take a week because of the lab tech's allergies.
Jake: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. But then they decided to use a subcontractor who was allergy-free, so let's just move on and talk about something else immediately.
Charles: Three "uh-huh's"? Clearly you're lying about something.
Jake: Why you being a jerk to me?
Charles: Show me the report, Jake.
Jake: Okay, fine. But just look at the top result 'cause that's all that matters. "Specimen hair was rodent in nature." And that's that.
Charles: Oh, my God. I'm not a Boyle. [all gasp]

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Jake: Today, we learned that Pappy Boyle's death was not foul play. But even though there was no murder, there was a robbery. Charles had his sense of self stolen from him by Sam Boyle. [all gasp] You said it yourself, Charles, the Boyles have a long history of cousin-on-cousin jealousy. Sam couldn't stand that you were chosen to give the eulogy. Think about it. It was Sam who made sure we knew the will was missing.
[slow-motion flashback:]
Sam Boyle: We can't find Pappy's will.
Jake: [v.o.] Then Sam again who suggested you all get your DNA tested.
[slow-motion flashback:]
Sam Boyle: Why not take a hair from every Boyle?
Jake: [v.o.] And finally, Sam who made sure we all knew the results.
[slow-motion flashback:]
Sam Boyle: Did you get the DNA report back?
[present:]
Sam Boyle: This is ridiculous. I love Charles.
Jake: Okay, well then. I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving him a hug then. Since you love him so much.
Sam Boyle: Sure. I always like to hug my cousin.
Tommy Boyle: He's gushing! [all gasp]
Sam Boyle: Darn it. I thought these would hide it, but I gushed through my pit diapers. All right, fine. I always suspected that Charles wasn't one of us. I mean, he went through puberty at 13, instead of 25, like a normal Boyle. And when he got chosen to give the eulogy, something inside of me snapped. So I hid the will. I admit it. Are you happy now?
Jake: Very.
Charles: Not at all.
Jake: Wait, what? Charles, we solved the case. He confessed.
Charles: Doesn't matter. I'm still not a Boyle. I'm just a normal person. Normal from snout to anus.

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God. We can't tell Charles.
Jake: You wanna lie to our dear friend about the one thing that's most important to him in the whole world?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes.
Jake: Okay, good, me too. Now all we have to do is prove that Cousin Lyndon is the murderer before Charles asks about the DNA results.
Charles: Hi, guys.
Jake: Ah. Hey, man. Where'd you come from?
Charles: I slinked up. You know how good Boyles are at slinking. It's because of our fleshy toe pads.
Jake: Right. And you, Charles, have said fleshy toe pads because you are a Boyle, from snout to anus.
Charles: "A Boyle from snout to anus." That is so sweet. I'm stealing that for the eulogy.
Jake: Ah, you don't have to.

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Charles: [over walkie-talkies] Seriously, guys, why are we doing this? We should just wait for the DNA test.
Jake: We will. But the lab said it would take a week. They had to get a new tech.
Charles: Oh, no. Why?
Jake: Uh... the old one had a bad allergic reaction to... beakers.
Charles: Ugh. Labs are full of them. That's awful.
Jake: Yeah, and real. Anyways, since Lyndon is our only actual suspect, we might as well investigate.
Charles: Let me ask you this. Is he gushing?
Jake: Don't say those words.
Charles: The pressure of keeping secrets makes Boyles stress-sweat. Once, we played Mafia, and you'd never seen so many dripping wet cousins in one room.
Jake: Come on.

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