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Quote from the episode Pontiac Bandit

Terry: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Bet

Hitchcock: What bet? What are you guys talking about?
Terry: Seriously? The bet? They've been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doing all day?!
Hitchcock: Nothing. Why, you want to hang out?

4.2

Quote from the episode Thanksgiving

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

4

Quote from the episode Windbreaker City

Jake: So you just want us to lie on the ground and do nothing like a bunch of losers?
Agent Kendrick: Yes, precisely.
Jake: No!
Hitchcock: Jackpot!

4

Quote from the episode The Apartment

Hitchcock: Not to brag, but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests. Would have 20 but we only got 14.
Captain Holt: That's not enough arrests.
Hitchcock: Well, no one asked you. It's a self-evaluation.

4

Quote from the episode The Road Trip

Rosa: (Answering Hitchock's phone) Hello. No, there's no Michael here. You have the wrong number. Good-bye.
Hitchcock: I'm Michael.
Rosa: That's a dumb name, but it's yours, and you should be proud of it because you are the greatest Detective I've ever known.
Hitchcock: No doy, Diaz. No doy.

4

Quote from the episode Ava

Scully: Hey, if you need more fax machines, there's a ton of them in that storage room where I go to take a nap.
Amy: What? Why didn't you say something?
Hitchcock: And once again, Hitchcock and Scully save the day.
Amy: You didn't do anything. It was all Scully.
Hitchcock: We're a package deal, everyone knows that.

4

Quote from the episode The Slump

Terry: Hitchcock, Boyle needs you to fill out a line-up.
Hitchcock: Oh, great! I'll take my shirt off.
Charles: No one asked you to take your shirt off. Stop volunteering to take your shirt off.
Hitchcock: I can't hear you. Shirt's over my ears!

3.7

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: Wow, without the bubbles you can really see everything.
Hitchcock: Eyes up here, Peralta.

3.7

Quote from the episode Ava

Jake: Hey, you guys came.
What about all the paperwork?
Amy: We got it all in. Filed 900 forms by hand in under 12 hours. It was tough, but worth it.
We wouldn't have missed this.
Boyle: Also, we had to go to the ER anyway. Hitchcock's arm was mangled by the tube.
Hitchcock: I'm in unspeakable pain.

3.7

Quote from the episode Windbreaker City

Amy: I don't like it. Something stinks.
Hitchcock: Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to mask my natural musk with a bunch of chemicals.

3.5

Quote from the episode Det. Dave Majors

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, I have another kid on the way. Do you know how much diapers cost?
Hitchcock: Yes!

3.5

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Sergeant Jeffords: We've got to make this place kid-friendly. No crime scene photos lying about.
Hitchcock: That's not a crime scene. That's a boudouir photo I'm having framed for my wife. That's me underneath the mask.

3.5

Quote from the episode Johnny and Dora

Jake: Who do you think it's gonna be?
Terry: I've no idea.
Hitchcock: I bet it's me. I just hope I'm ready.

3.5

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Hitchcock: Oh, if you want calm, there's some ludes in evidence, if anybody would ever let me get them out.

3.5

Quote from the episode Ava

Sergeant Jeffords: And Hitchcock and Scully, I assume you're here for some unrelated injury.
Hitchcock: That's correct.

3.5

Quote from the episode Halloween

Hitchcock: Amy paid me fifty bucks to trade places with her for the rest of the night.
Charles: Really?
Hitchcock: Yeah. I'm going to use that money to buy two suits.

3.3

Quote from the episode The Party

Hitchcock: Here, wear my shirt. I was gonna take it off anyway.

3

Quote from the episode Tactical Village

Hitchcock: I have an STD.
Jake: So just RSVP?
Boyle: Yeah, the number's just on-

3

Quote from the episode Halloween II

Jake: Scully and Hitchcock, I'm just gonna call you your real names so you don't get confused.
Scully: Smart.
Hitchcock: (Confused) What?

3

Quote from the episode Stakeout

Hitchock: Looks like Boyle's out and Hitchcock's in. What do you want to do tonight? Go to a strip club? Have dinner with my wife?
Jake: Are those separate options, or does she live at the strip club?
Hitchcock: You wanna know, you gotta go.

3

Quote from the episode Ava

Amy: Hitchcock, Scully, how did you get things done before the internet and faxing?
Hitchcock: Cocaine?
Scully: Right. And also the tubes. There's 27 miles of pneumatic tubes under the city, connecting all the precincts.

3

Quote from the episode Beach House

Scully: Question: How much does it cost to raise a sunken ship?
Hitchcock: Answer: Less than a casino makes in a year. Hopefully.

2.8

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