Rosa: I bet she tucked herself into bed too tight and got stuck.

Rosa: No, Robo-Cop. It's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence.
Jake: Oh, I thought you were listing things.
Rosa: I was. I'm done.

Rosa: I've said "excuse me" more times this morning than I have in my entire life. Twice!

Rosa: Hey! What were you thinking?
Sam: I made a mistake! The phones were just lying there, and I didn't think things through. I'm sorry, Rosa.
Rosa: Rosa is your friend from before you were a criminal.
You are dealing with Detective Diaz now, and she is gonna make sure you rot in juvie for the rest of your life.

Captain Holt: Anything else?
Rosa: Uh, yes. Something I'd like to say. I'm a pretty private person so this is kinda hard for me, but here we go. I'm bisexual. All right. I will now field one minute and zero seconds of questions pertaining to this. Go.

Rosa: That will never happen. In fact, you've just lost Rosa privileges. From now on, you can call me Diaz or Hey You.

Rosa: I found his credit card statement. There's a charge for a restaurant called La Palapa. Two entrees. One flan.
Sergeant Jeffords: One flan?
Rosa: One flan.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's cold.
Amy: Yeah. Cold. I'm so confused.
Both: They shared the flan!

Rosa: Well, I have plans on Saturday, too. I'm having dinner with my parents.
Amy: So? You don't even like your parents. You call them smiley morons and hug freaks.
Rosa: Plans are plans. I'm a bad ass, not an anarchist.

Rosa: All right, Sarge. The car is yours.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? Why? I don't deserve that car.
Rosa: I don't know about that. I went back and watched the tapes to figure out how you did it. Right before the drawing, you got a peanut butter cup out of the freezer. The thing is, you don't eat sugar past 4:00 p.m.
Sergeant Jeffords: Could have been a cheat day.
Rosa: Oh, it was definitely a cheat day. You froze your slip of paper, so that when you pulled the name, all you had to do was find the cold one.
Sergeant Jeffords: So, you thought the way I cheated was so cool, you gave me the car?
Rosa: Yeah, but also while I was watching those tapes, I noticed all the nice crap you do for people. You got Gina a cushion for her chair. You let Charles show you 130 pictures of Nikolaj brushing his teeth. You Heimlich'd Scully twice.
Sergeant Jeffords: On the same peanut. I also solved a murder.
Rosa: Yeah, we all solve murders, but you, you let Hitchcock borrow a pair of your socks, because his somehow disintegrated. Anyway, I'm sorry I guilted you in the first place. You deserve that car.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks, Diaz.

Jake: Doug Judy and I know this guy. You have to trust us!
Rosa: Do I? One of you is a criminal, and the other one is dressed like Steve Harvey.

Charles: Well, it worked. Jake brought in Scully's twin just like I planned when I connected them on Facebook, but he had no idea they hated each other. And when everyone was fighting, they were too distracted to notice old Shlomo. They all underestimated me, Rosa, but today, they will learn the error of their ways, for today, I will prove that nobody gets the best of Charles Boyle.
Rosa: I doused your beard in chloroform.
Charles: Really? I find that very hard to beli- [drops to the floor]

Rosa: All right, I'll take one. Now, go sell your candy to everyone else, stupid.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, hey, hey. You can't call a kid stupid. What if he's really stupid?
Rosa: Terry, this is Sam, my little brother from Brooklyn's Big Brothers.
Sam: I think it's funny when she calls me stupid.
Rosa: No one cares, stupid.

Rosa: I'm out too. I mean, if we're just gonna be humiliated, I don't s- Wait, shut up.
Amy: Did you just tell yourself to shut up?
Rosa: Yeah, now you shut up too. Listen.

Rosa: That was the first time I was the primary on a case. The fact that I let him get away still haunts me. He's been in every dream I've had for the last seven years.
Jake: Even the one you told me about where you're flying on a marshmallow?
Rosa: Who do you think was riding the jellybean I was chasing?
Jake: Mindar.

Amy: Oh, Captain, I know you don't want to talk about Monty Hall, but I did contact a math professor-
Captain Holt: No need, Santiago. It's all good.
Amy: So the fight with Kevin is over?
Captain Holt: Yep.
Amy: Because you understand the math now?
Captain Holt: Nope.
Rosa: Because you guys-
Captain Holt: Yep.
Rosa: Knew it. See, what happened is, your dads had sex-
Amy: Okay, Rosa.