Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 1 of 11

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Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

Quote from the episode Beach House

Terry: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Quote from the episode The Slump

Terry: Look, this screw has three pointy sides, and nowhere to screw it in! And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels?

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Holt: Still waiting, sergeant.
Terry: It's just, the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. It's freaking me out.
Holt: You have a friend, who's just a silhouette?
Terry: Yes!

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: You guys, this is gonna be fine. I mean Terry's our boss and he comes with us every year.
Terry: Correction, you bring Vacation Terry, and he is no man's boss. When the slippers are filled, Terry is chilled.

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Terry: Plus, the longer I stay out of my house today, the better. My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
Captain Holt: Oh, I remember Zeke. Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
Terry: Also teensie Terry, Teeny Weeny Terry Berry, and Little Dumb Dumb. You know, it's that lack of effort on the last one that really gets me.

Quote from the episode Stakeout

Terry: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Terry: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

Quote from the episode Halloween

Terry: I'm a detective. I will detect.

Quote from the episode Captain Peralta

Sergeant Jeffords: I warned you against using donuts. They're my trigger food.
Amy: Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: These islanders are delicious.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
Captain Holt: That was very well put.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy session.

Quote from the episode The Tagger

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Sergeant Jeffords: Bad news. I only found his wife, and she hasn't heard from him in eight years.
Jake: That doesn't sound good.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, that's why I started by saying, "Bad News". Terry believes in having a clear topic sentence.

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Sergeant Jeffords: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?
Jake: (Scoffs) No.
Technician: Lie.
Jake: All right, fine, she is. She makes me feel things.
Sergeant Jeffords: She makes all of us feel things!

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Sergeant Jeffords: Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay.
And if I may do a third toast.
It'll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt.
*groans*
Don't boo me! I lost something important, too!

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Terry: Fine, we'll go to my house. Or as Zeke calls it, Tiny Terry's Hobbit Hole.

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