Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 1 of 6

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Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

4.7

Quote from the episode Beach House

Terry: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Slump

Terry: Look, this screw has three pointy sides, and nowhere to screw it in! And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Holt: Still waiting, sergeant.
Terry: It's just, the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. It's freaking me out.
Holt: You have a friend, who's just a silhouette?
Terry: Yes!

4.6

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: You guys, this is gonna be fine. I mean Terry's our boss and he comes with us every year.
Terry: Correction, you bring Vacation Terry, and he is no man's boss. When the slippers are filled, Terry is chilled.

4.6

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Terry: Plus, the longer I stay out of my house today, the better. My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
Captain Holt: Oh, I remember Zeke. Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
Terry: Also teensie Terry, Teeny Weeny Terry Berry, and Little Dumb Dumb. You know, it's that lack of effort on the last one that really gets me.

4.5

Quote from the episode Stakeout

Terry: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Terry: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

4.5

Quote from the episode Halloween

Terry: I'm a detective. I will detect.

4.5

Quote from the episode Captain Peralta

Sergeant Jeffords: I warned you against using donuts. They're my trigger food.
Amy: Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: These islanders are delicious.

4.5

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
Captain Holt: That was very well put.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy session.

4.5

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Terry: Fine, we'll go to my house. Or as Zeke calls it, Tiny Terry's Hobbit Hole.

4.4

Quote from the episode Fancy Brudgom

Captain Holt: You're all in perfect shape.
Sergeant Jeffords: You can always be healthier, sir.
Santiago: And I like the challenge.
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus it's good team building. We're gonna get through this together. Hey guys, pro tip. Lick the baggie. There's food molecules in there.

4.3

Quote from the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding

Terry: I mean working out is not the only thing I feel comfortable talking about.
What would you say is your mom's favorite move at the gym?

4.3

Quote from the episode The Tagger

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

4.3

Quote from the episode The Slump

Boyle: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.

4.3

Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Jake: Let's see. Sergeant Jeffords searched "undiscovered muscle".
Sergeant Jeffords: I was working out and I saw a muscle in my shoulder I'd never seen before. I thought it might have been a scientific discovery.

4.3

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Sergeant Jeffords: Bad news. I only found his wife, and she hasn't heard from him in eight years.
Jake: That doesn't sound good.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, that's why I started by saying, "Bad News". Terry believes in having a clear topic sentence.

4.3

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Sergeant Jeffords: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?
Jake: (Scoffs) No.
Technician: Lie.
Jake: All right, fine, she is. She makes me feel things.
Sergeant Jeffords: She makes all of us feel things!

4.3

Quote from the episode Det. Dave Majors

Sergeant Jeffords: My own office. With walls!
Boyle: Did you tell him Terry doesn't love walls?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, Terry loves walls.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay guys, I know Captain Dozerman was a nightmare and that none of us liked him, but I'm gonna need all of you to pretend like you're sad.
Everyone make a sad face.
Scully, you are nailing it!
Scully: My wife just texted. She's leaving me.
Sergeant Jeffords: Good. Use it.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Sergeant Jeffords: Now, be respectful and grieve your asses off.
Scully: I don't know why this is happening.
Sergeant Jeffords: Scully, I love it. Everyone follow his lead!

4.3

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Sergeant Jeffords: Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay.
And if I may do a third toast.
It'll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt.
*groans*
Don't boo me! I lost something important, too!

4.3

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Rosa: See, Sarge? Tough love works.
Sergeant Jeffords: Damn it! Terry proved the wrong point.

4.3

Quote from the episode Ava

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm sorry I got angry earlier. You did a great job today. Hospital was the right decision. I'm so glad you're Ava's godfather. I'm so glad you're Sharon's god-husband.
I'm so glad you're my god-wife. I have no idea what I'm saying at this point.

4.3

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Sergeant Jeffords: Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?

4.3

Quote from the episode The Jimmy Jab Games

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, if you ask me, you're acting like a real Victor Emmanuel III.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Jimmy Jab Games

Captain Holt: This is war, Sarge, the War on Wuntch.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh good, you've named it.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Mole

Sergeant Jeffords: I was raised on disco. Little Terry loved to hustle.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: I asked the captain what qualified as a gift and he said anything I spend money on. Then I realized, my time is worth nothing.
Terry: Sounds like you're bragging, but that's just a sad statement.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: I've got to tell the captain. Do you think he'll be upset?
Terry: Probably not. I mean he seems like the kind of laid back guy who delights in having his mistakes exposed. Maybe next year you can do a collage about low points in his marriage.

4.3

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