Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 1 of 6

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Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

4.7

Quote from the episode Beach House

Terry: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Slump

Terry: Look, this screw has three pointy sides, and nowhere to screw it in! And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Holt: Still waiting, sergeant.
Terry: It's just, the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. It's freaking me out.
Holt: You have a friend, who's just a silhouette?
Terry: Yes!

4.6

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: You guys, this is gonna be fine. I mean Terry's our boss and he comes with us every year.
Terry: Correction, you bring Vacation Terry, and he is no man's boss. When the slippers are filled, Terry is chilled.

4.6

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Terry: Plus, the longer I stay out of my house today, the better. My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
Captain Holt: Oh, I remember Zeke. Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
Terry: Also teensie Terry, Teeny Weeny Terry Berry, and Little Dumb Dumb. You know, it's that lack of effort on the last one that really gets me.

4.5

Quote from the episode Stakeout

Terry: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Terry: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

4.5

Quote from the episode Halloween

Terry: I'm a detective. I will detect.

4.5

Quote from the episode Captain Peralta

Sergeant Jeffords: I warned you against using donuts. They're my trigger food.
Amy: Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: These islanders are delicious.

4.5

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
Captain Holt: That was very well put.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy session.

4.5

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Terry: Fine, we'll go to my house. Or as Zeke calls it, Tiny Terry's Hobbit Hole.

4.4

Quote from the episode Fancy Brudgom

Captain Holt: You're all in perfect shape.
Sergeant Jeffords: You can always be healthier, sir.
Santiago: And I like the challenge.
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus it's good team building. We're gonna get through this together. Hey guys, pro tip. Lick the baggie. There's food molecules in there.

4.3

Quote from the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding

Terry: I mean working out is not the only thing I feel comfortable talking about.
What would you say is your mom's favorite move at the gym?

4.3

Quote from the episode The Tagger

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

4.3

Quote from the episode The Slump

Boyle: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.

4.3

Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Jake: Let's see. Sergeant Jeffords searched "undiscovered muscle".
Sergeant Jeffords: I was working out and I saw a muscle in my shoulder I'd never seen before. I thought it might have been a scientific discovery.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Sergeant Jeffords: Now, be respectful and grieve your asses off.
Scully: I don't know why this is happening.
Sergeant Jeffords: Scully, I love it. Everyone follow his lead!

4.3

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Sergeant Jeffords: Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?

4.3

Quote from the episode The Jimmy Jab Games

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, if you ask me, you're acting like a real Victor Emmanuel III.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Jimmy Jab Games

Captain Holt: This is war, Sarge, the War on Wuntch.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh good, you've named it.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Mole

Sergeant Jeffords: I was raised on disco. Little Terry loved to hustle.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: I asked the captain what qualified as a gift and he said anything I spend money on. Then I realized, my time is worth nothing.
Terry: Sounds like you're bragging, but that's just a sad statement.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: I've got to tell the captain. Do you think he'll be upset?
Terry: Probably not. I mean he seems like the kind of laid back guy who delights in having his mistakes exposed. Maybe next year you can do a collage about low points in his marriage.

4.3

Quote from the episode The Party

Terry: Don't move as a group! You're not gazelles!

4.3

Quote from the episode The Apartment

Sergeant Jeffords: I feel like a proud mama hen whose baby chicks have learned to fly!

4.3

Quote from the episode Beach House

Gina: And just to clarify, just how untethered is vacation Terry from his wife?
Terry: Very tethered.

4.3

Quote from the episode Defense Rests

Jake: Please Sarge, just come. Do it for me. Do it for love.
Terry: Damn Jake, you know Terry loves love. I'm in.

4.3

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sergeant Jeffords: Charles Boyle. He's a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He's not physically gifted.

4.3

Quote from the episode Beach House

Terry: I can't wait. This weekend, I am Vacation Terry. No kids. No responsibilities. I'm just a balloon floating in the great blue sky and I am untethered.

4.2

Quote from the episode Beach House

Rosa: You brought pineapple?
Terry: Well, the fanny one's deep. I am prepared for any vacation situation. I've got a bottle opener, sun screen, inflatable neck pillow. Wait, are we having fondue?

4.2

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