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Quotes from ‘The Slump’

The Slump

'The Slump' - Season 1, Episode 3

Stuck in a run of unsolved cases, Jake fears he's in a slump, while the other detectives worry about his losing streak rubbing off on them. Meanwhile, Santiago enlists Rosa and Gina when Holt asks her to speak to at-risk youths. Meanwhile, Terry need Boyle's help on a secret project.

Air Date: October 1, 2013.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Look, this screw has three pointy sides, and nowhere to screw it in! And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels?

4.6

Quote from Gina

Amy: You're not a cop so I'm not really sure how you could help.
Gina: Mmm-kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.

4.6

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Peralta, where are we on the Adams St. burglary?
Jake: We are very close, Captain, aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects, or leads. So in conclusion, not at all close.

4.4

Quote from Jake

Jake: I have a murder here with no leads and no evidence. It's unsolvable, and thus, shall have no paperwork.
Hitchcock: You had me at "no paperwork".
Jake: That was the very end of the sentence.

4.3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Boyle: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.

4.3

Quote from Jake

Jake: I don't slump, people. I opposite of slump. I pmuls. That's slump backwards and it's what I do. I pmuls all over this bitch.

4

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: There's a community outreach program that's very important to me. I was wondering if you'd like to head it up.
Amy: Absolutely, sir. I won't just head it up, I will Head and Shoulders it up. I will dive in, swim around it, and just be all together good with it.
Captain Holt: Be more articulate when you speak to the children.
Amy: Yes, sir. I will make better mouth.

4

Quote from Charles

Charles: Okay, this is Ethel Musterberg from the Prospect Heights senior centre. There was an ID card in her back pocket.
Terry: Why was your hand in her back pocket?
Jake: Well, she told me she didn't have any ID, and unlike Boyle my first instinct was not to caress her butt.
Charles: Frisked. I frisked her butt!

3.8

Quote from Hitchcock

Terry: Hitchcock, Boyle needs you to fill out a line-up.
Hitchcock: Oh, great! I'll take my shirt off.
Charles: No one asked you to take your shirt off. Stop volunteering to take your shirt off.
Hitchcock: I can't hear you. Shirt's over my ears!

3.7

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: No, Robo-Cop. It's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence.
Jake: Oh, I thought you were listing things.
Rosa: I was. I'm done.

3.7

Quote from Jake

Jake: Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. One cop heroically saving the day while every one else stands around and watches. It's the story of my life.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wait. Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. Someone died. No! You won a prize. I'm not getting better at this.

3.5

Quote from Rosa

Amy: You know how every year the precinct does that Junior Police Program seminar?
Rosa: That thing where we try to get a bunch of loser kids to become student snitches?
Amy: Mmm, no. The thing where we try to get at-risk kids-
Rosa: Losers.
Amy: To sign up to become Junior Police Officers-
Rosa: Snitches. What about it?

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Sarge, what would you do?
Sergeant Jeffords: Ten thousand sit-ups.
Jake: Okay. Do you have a back up plan in case my hypothetical person can only do 9500? Or three?

3.5

Quote from Amy

Teenager: Hold up. Why does the kid selling sound like he's black?
Amy: He's not.
Gina: Well, why not? Are you saying black people can't sell drugs?
Amy: No, I'm not saying that.
Teenager: We have a black president. Why can't black people sell drugs?
Amy: I'm so confused.
Gina: Black people can sell drugs. *starts chanting* Black people can sell drugs. Black people can sell drugs.
*Holt enters*

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Where do I affix the Princess Tower, Boyle? Where do I affix it?!
Boyle: By the side of the turret-
Terry: Not now, Boyle. Let a brother breathe. Let a brother breathe.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: You're dripping on my carpet.
Jake: Oh, don't worry, sir. It's just urinal water. Clean urinal water.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: You could eat off his shirt.
Captain Holt: Why would I ever eat off his shirt?

3.5

Quote from Gina

Rosa: In this case, not being a cop might be better.
Gina: That's true in all cases. Cops are the worst.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: I'm a man with man-hands and a man-brain. I should be able to put together a doll house in less than four hours.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Now, you were wondering why we did this in the bathroom, it's 'cause you're full of crap.
Charles: Blamo. Jake-hammer strikes again.
Peralta: Jake-hammer strikes again.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Yes, I am amazing. And I only ask for one thing in repayment, a 600% raise.
Captain Holt: Or I could give you a 0% raise, and make you my personal assistant. Which is what I'm doing. I think you have hidden talents which will make you surprisingly good at the job.
Gina: No, I have no talents.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Ugh, constantly getting Holt's approval is the worst.
Amy: Yes. I can only imagine.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Charles: You know some jobs take brains, some jobs take muscles, some jobs take dainty little fingers. Did I ever tell you I had to wear a woman's wedding ring?

3.3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I like Turner and Hooch. Tom Hanks, a reluctant friendship with a dog. That hits me where I live.

3

Quote from Charles

Jake: Hey, love the sweater. Who you slaying tonight, Lady Killer?
Boyle: Well she shall see what we shall see.
Jake: No, you're dressed exactly like the Lady Killer.
Boyle: Damn it. This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, sir. Let me hit you with a little analogy. Are you familiar with race cars?
Captain Holt: Formula 1 or stock?
Jake: That's already way more than I know about it.

3

Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: No, I don't think that's what's best for you or the squad. Not until this blows over.
Jake: And how long will that be?
Captain Holt: Could be a week. Could be a month.
Boyle: Could be a year. Could be a decade. Sorry, we were just saying bigger and bigger numbers

3

Quote from Scully

Sergeant Jeffords: Scully, where are you on digitizing the old case files?
Scully: As of yesterday, I am officially 1% done.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why are you smiling? That's nothing.
Scully: Well, there's thousands of cases and for each one I have to fill out 200 little box thingies on 50 different screens.
Rosa: At least you get to sit on your butt all day.
Scully: That's actually the worst part. My doctor says I have an anal canyon.

2.5

Quote from Rosa

Jake: Rosa?
Rosa: Fly to Montreal, hit a classy hotel bar, bone a stranger. Slump over.

2.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Man, girls are so scary.

2.5

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