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Quotes from ‘Thanksgiving’

Thanksgiving

'Thanksgiving' - Season 1, Episode 10

Amy invites the whole precinct over for Thanksgiving dinner at her apartment, but her plans go awry when Jake leaves with the Captain to catch a suspect.

Air Date: November 26, 2013.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Excuse me. Uh, so earlier at Amy's, I didn't give a real toast because I didn't know what to say. But since that time, a wise unsmiling man named Jerald Jimes made me realize what I am thankful for. So, I'd just like to say I am happy to be here with my family. My super weird family with two black dads, and two Latina daughters, and two white sons, and ... Gina. And I don't know what you (Scully) are. Some strange giant baby? To the Nine-Nine!

4.3

Quote from Rosa

Amy: Rosa is even wearing her formal leather jacket.
Rosa: It's the one without any blood on it.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: Oh, my God, Amy, that's so cool that you still live with your Grandmother.
Amy: I live alone. This is my stuff. I like quilts.
Gina: Stop. Each sentence is getting sadder.

4

Quote from Hitchcock

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

4

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Okay. Excuse me. Can we please eat? My body is starting to digest itself. Terry needs nutrients!

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater!
It's the one case I can't solve.
Don't fight with family.
It can all go away so quickly.
Sign this?

4

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Looks like you live on the set of Murder, She Wrote.

3.7

Quote from Jake

Jake: Well, I got to say, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. The football game's not on so I can still watch it later at home, and it's kind of cool to visit a time before electricity was invented.

3.7

Quote from Gina

Gina: Rough night?
Amy: Yeah, it certainly hasn't gone according to plan.
Gina: Oh, no. Oh, Amy, I was ordering a drink called a "Rough Night." It's tequila with a nicotine patch.

3.7

Quote from Rosa

Holt: Hey. What are you all doing here?
Rosa: Amy broke everything and got us kicked out of the bar. Then, we got attacked by rats. It's the best Thanksgiving ever.

3.7

Quote from Captain Holt

Raymond: Is this about your toast?
Amy: How'd you get that?
Raymond: Gina gave it to me. Very well written. There are several compelling anecdotes, the fonts suit the tone. Good work. I did feel, however, the word choice could have been improved in spots. I marked them "awk" for awkward.

3.6

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Everything's spoiled. My lunch is ruined. My chicken, my potatoes, pasta, my meatballs, ham, my yogurt.
Boyle: Wow, that's a lot of yogurt.
Terry: I love yogurt.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Boyle: So this is your lunch for, like, the month?
Terry: I need to eat 10,000 calories a day to maintain muscle mass. My wife made me all of this before she left town with the kids. That was everything in my fridge.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Release your sweets!

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Can I help you, Santiago?
Amy: Oh, captain. I didn't expect to see you there.
Captain Holt: In my office?

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Yes, I received your "Save the Date" decorative gourd. Your ornamental cornucopia. And this beautiful hand-crafted card of a turkey wearing a tophat.
Amy: It's a pilgrim's hat.
Captain Holt: Where's the buckle, Santiago?

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Wait, are you only hosting dinner because you want to suck up to Holt? Not cool. This was supposed to be abut friendship.
Amy: You said the only reason you were coming was to see whether my apartment was the reason I'm single or it was my personality, like you suspected.
Gina: Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Urgh, what's in these?
Amy: Potatoes, butter, a little milk. Oh, and I ran out of salt, so I used baking soda.
Terry: Why wouldn't you? They're both white powders. Of course they're interchangeable.
Amy: Yeah.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: Captain, I want to tell you something. I think you're... Like, when I was a little girl.
Captain Holt: You think I'm like when you were a little girl?
Amy: Forget it. The moment's passed.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Why do we have to dress up for Thanksgiving? I don't even celebrate that stuff. The whole holiday is based on over-eating. We should be wearing velvet track suits and diapers.

3.3

Quote from Gina

Gina: (To Amy) Did you make the cover of "Hair Pulled Back" magazine?

3.3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey there, criminal. It's me, Johnny Law.

3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Scully.
Scully: Heya, sarge.
Terry: I know you gotten a secret stash of food hidden somewhere.
Scully: Oh no.
Terry: Where is it?
Scully: Oh, I don't.
Terry: Is it in your pockets?
Scully: No, come on.
Terry: I'm gonna shake it out of your pockets.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: I want to do what I do every year. Sit at home, watch football, and eat mayo nut spoonsies.
Those are spoonfuls of mayo sprinkled with peanuts.
Captain Holt: That's revolting.
Jake: Maybe so, but it's what I invented when I was six because my mom was working so I had to make dinner for myself. My sad story trumps your insult. Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: I am thankful that Thanksgiving only comes once a year. People stuff themselves. And then at midnight, they run to appliance stores and trample each other to death. It's a garbage holiday. (Sobs) I'm sorry, I just get emotional when I talk about how bogus Thanksgiving is.

3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: I ate one stringbean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me.

3

Quote from Charles

Amy: Charles said he loved them.
Boyle: I'm a text-book people pleaser. I have a serious problem.
This was great, though. You must be so proud.

3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I am thankful to have someone in my life who gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning. And I hope that my relationship with this person will only grow ... more intimate.
Gina: Who are you talking about?
Boyle: Umm, Hitchcock.

2.5

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