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Quotes from ‘Chocolate Milk’

Chocolate Milk

'Chocolate Milk' - Season 2, Episode 2

When Jake offers to drive Sergeant Jeffords to the hospital for his vasectomy, Terry tells Jake he thinks of him as "work friend" - not a friend friend. When a drugged up Terry admits he isn't sure he wants the vasectomy, Jake tries to prevent the operation. Meanwhile, Captain Holt is in a precarious position when an enemy from his past returns in a position of power.

Air Date: October 5, 2014.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Hold it up. You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there? You are blessed with a great power, and you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar.

4.6

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?

4.3

Quote from Jake

Doctor: We weren't able to do the procedure. Your friend is so large-
Jake: That you needed a bigger big saw to cut through his dingus.

4.3

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: I guess I didn't really think of you as that kind of friend.
Peralta: Sarge, I'm every kind of friend. I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler, I'm Rachel, I'm - who's the dinosaur guy?
Sergeant Jeffords: Ross, bro. Ross!
Peralta: Sorry, I forgot you were such a Ross head.

4

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Santiago, when I greet the deputy chief, I want you there by my side to make a good impression. No offense, but you are something of a teacher's pet.
Santiago: None taken. People love their pets.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Good news is our evaluation will be done by Deputy Chief Brandt. We have a good rapport. He was once my captain.
Boyle: So he's kinda like our grand-captain?
Captain Holt: That is amazingly funny.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

4

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh my God, she's totally gonna flunk us. I haven't gotten an F since I failed recess in second grade. "Teachers need a break too, Amy".

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: That's so bitter. What's wrong with this chocolate milk?
Store owner: Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is teet-to-mouth raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.
Jake: That's the worst part of both of those things.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Interesting. I will attempt to co-operate with you under these new circumstances.
Madeline Wuntch: Don't sweet talk me, Holt.
Captain Holt: I gave it my best shot. Let's begin.

4

Quote from Jake

Counsellor: He's walking out. Just like your father did.
Jake: Wait a minute. I didn't tell you about that.
Counsellor: Didn't have to.
Jake: You are good!

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Madeline Wuntch: Spot checks are done. Needless to say I'm thoroughly underwhelmed.
Captain Holt: Huh. From your expression, I would have guessed constipated. Or chilly.

4

Quote from Amy

Sergeant Jeffords: If you guys don't get back to work, I'm gonna start firing detectives.
Santiago: And blanks! Sorry, I just never think of jokes.

3.8

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: You gotta promise me, you won't let them give me the operation. I wanna have more kids. I don't want the vasectomy. Promise me, tiny head, promise me!

3.7

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Stop worrying about my vasectomy, man. Maybe you should focus on your own body. When was the last time you had a carrot?
Peralta: Well, it's my least favorite type of cake, so rarely. If I have to, I'll just eat the frosting.

3.7

Quote from Charles

Boyle: My ears are burning. Did someone say vasectomy? I got snipped. No big deal. Just numbs you out from trunk to skunk for a year.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, you were right. I don't want the surgery, tiny head!
Peralta: NYPD! Put down the scalpel and step away from my work friend's wiener tubes.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: Look guys, if the Sarge wants to chop off his penis, then it's his choice.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not what a vasectomy is.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Anybody else? This is your last chance.
Gina: Ugh, God, no need to be so testes.
Rosa: Guess you won't be manning the tip line.
Boyle: Sergeant, is this gonna go on your Spermanent record.
Jake: Now playing, Scrotal Recall.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake! The doctors made me into a superhero. I'm so strong. Oh, and they made me black!

3.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Forget friends, let's go as Bone Bros.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Ugh. I didn't strike you when you said knocking boots, but Bone Bros. I can not abide.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: I care about my friends. Now eat your carrots, or I'll rip your tiny head off.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: So he has no filter whatsoever?
Doctor: None.
Jake: I'm gonna take ya home now, sarge.
Hey, what do you think of captain Holt?
Sergeant Jeffords: He needs to smoke some weed.

3

Madeline Wuntch: It's Deputy Chief Wuntch now. Unsurprisingly, I've been promoted above you. And now I'm here to evaluate you.

3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey! Cut it out, Cake Boy, you're making health insurance more expensive for everyone else.

3

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