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Quotes from ‘Lockdown’

Lockdown

'Lockdown' - Season 2, Episode 7

After Jake is left in charge of the precinct on Thanksgiving night, a suspicious package containing a white powder causes the precinct to go into lock down.

Air Date: November 16, 2014.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Plus, the longer I stay out of my house today, the better. My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
Captain Holt: Oh, I remember Zeke. Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
Terry: Also teensie Terry, Teeny Weeny Terry Berry, and Little Dumb Dumb. You know, it's that lack of effort on the last one that really gets me.

4.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Fine, we'll go to my house. Or as Zeke calls it, Tiny Terry's Hobbit Hole.

4.4

Quote from Charles

Charles: Okay, but I thought since you were in charge, maybe I could be your right hand man? Your Tinker Bell?
Rosa: Tinker Bell?
Charles: Let me tell you something about Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn in the side of Captain Hook.

4.3

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You're a grown man, sergeant. Strong like an Oak.
Terry: That's a pretty good tree.
Captain Holt: It's a mighty tree!

4.3

Quote from Rosa

Gina: I can't believe this is one of the last things I'm ever gonna see.
Rosa: Actually, with Anthrax the last things you'll see will be doctor, blood, doctor, puss, scab, nothing.

4.3

Quote from Scully

Amy: Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?
Jake: Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, Scully.
Scully: Nah. Mine are never that serious.
I call 'em "oopsies.

4.3

Quote from Rosa

Gina: I'm 23, I'm a celebrity, and today, I'm gonna die!
Rosa: Not one word of that is true.

4.3

Quote from Amy

Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: To Charles, I leave you the memories of my supple form. I'm reminding everyone of my embarrassing sexual past because I'm hoping it's the act of charity that gets me into heaven.

3.8

Quote from Charles

Charles: Yes! I made number two! I hear it. Why would I ever say that?

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: More importantly, I was not able to find any "heat" because it's more of a concept. But we did find these beauties. They're all faux-fur and all the best brands. We've got Chanelb, Grucci, Stella McCarkey's.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Captain Holt: I don't always understand Peralta's texts. He's says they're still waiting on the lab and it's "allz good", allz with a Z. Then a box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. And yet another box with a question mark. Then a box with a question mark. What does that mean?
Terry: It means you don't have emojiis on your phone.

3.3

Quote from Jake

Boyle: Very respectful.
Jake: Correct, I am the King of respectfulness, bitches!

3

Quote from Jake

Amy: Hey, did you send that from your personal or work account?
Jake: Personal. It's a personal matter involving a personal friend and his personal uncle.
Amy: So you remembered to turn off your signature, right?
Jake: Oh, no.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email.
Captain Holt: "Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.
Sent from my stinky butt."
Jake: I was hacked?
Captain Holt: Thank you for the email. It means a lot to me.
Jake: You're very welcome.
Captain Holt: I was addressing your stinky butt.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: I just hope that no Amys feel bad that I was chosen over Amy.
Amy: Actually, Captain asked me first, but I had plans.
Teddy brewed a Thanksgiving pilsner, and it's bottling day.
Jake: Bottling day? Why'd you come in at all?

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: It's one 12-hour shift.
What are you afraid is gonna happen?
Captain Holt: Injury, death, general calamity. Just don't burn the place down.

3

Quote from Gina

Amy: Jake, what are you doing? This is a crisis.
Jake: I'm trying to keep morale up, because Hazmat said it's almost definitely a hoax.
Gina: Almost? What if it's Anthrax? We are all 100% gonna die!

3

Quote from Scully

Jake: We're doing fine here.
Scully: Not Hitchcock. He got trapped out on the balcony. I don't like him alone out there, not with his history. I mean, what if he gets up on a ledge? What, you think he's gonna jump? No, he's just always falling off things. He's got a worm living in his ear that affects his balance.

3

Quote from Jake

Charles: Third faction is trouble: Your snitches, your suspects, couple of gang members here to pick up their friends.
Permission to give them a nickname, sir?
Jake: Permission granted.
Charles: The naughty boys.
Jake: Permission denied. We will refer to them exclusively as the doinkmeisters.
Charles: Way better.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Oh, sir, one other thing, Hitchcock got trapped out on the balcony.
Captain Holt: Good, sounds like we dodged a bullet there.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: At any rate, I figured we could pass the time and do something fun, maybe a movie night. Our options are a bootleg copy of the Diane Keaton classic, "Something's Gotta Give".
Rosa: Movie's hilarious.
Jake: Okay, surprising opinion.
We'll talk about that later.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: People love it. Look at that, two painted ladies just joined in. You got to admit, Boyle really knows how to move his pelvis.

3

Quote from Jake

Hitchcock: What about me?
Jake: Uh, I guess I could have a friend throw some pretzels up to you from the street?
Hitchcock: And soda too?
Jake: Fine, I'll have someone blindly throw ice-cold metal cans of soda at you.

3

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Tell me exactly what happened.
Jake: Well, it started with Boyle wanting to say the word succulent.
Captain Holt: Oh, no.
Jake: And it ended with a small riot, in which a dirtbag set Hitchcock's nap couch on fire.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Scully, I need you to help Boyle. Don't worry about Hitchcock. He'll be fine. I once saw him fall down three flights of stairs, get up, and keep eating his hot dog, like nothing happened.
Scully: You're right. He's the strongest man we know.
Jake: No.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Terry: Zeke is being nice to me for the first time ever because he thinks you're a jerk just like his boss. When we go downstairs, I want you to scream at me. I want you to really degrade me in front of my family.
Captain Holt: And this will make you happy?
Terry: It's the best Thanksgiving gift you could give me.
Captain Holt: What an idiotic thing to say. What's a Thanksgiving gift? I'm just getting in the zone.

3

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