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Quotes from ‘The Road Trip’

The Road Trip

'The Road Trip' - Season 2, Episode 9

When Jake and Amy are forced to stay in a romantic hotel overnight while transporting a criminal, Jake turns the trip into a romantic retreat by inviting his girlfriend, Sophia, and Amy's boyfriend, Teddy. Meanwhile, Charles is eager to help Captain Holt when he asks for cooking advice, while Rosa refuses to admit she is sick.

Air Date: November 30, 2014.

Quote from Charles

Charles: What you did is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex.

4.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Charles: Try being more descriptive. I know you love Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. Why?
Captain Holt: Their components have a long shelf life, they're cost effective, and they're so simple a child could make them.

4.3

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal.

4

Quote from Gina

Terry: What's going on, Diaz, are you sick?
Gina: Do you have cholera? Is it typhoid? Are you a vampire? My horoscope said to wear a cowl neck today and I laughed!

4

Quote from Amy

Jake: I thought you guys were solid. Didn't you just get a joint Library Card?
Amy: Don't remind me. I'm going to be untangling that web for a month.

4

Quote from Charles

Boyle: And I'm Twink Tucker.
Jake: You cannot choose your own name any more.
Boyle: I got a job at the docks to support my drug habit, but I kept it - (In an Irish accent) Because I love the seagulls.
Jake: What, are you Irish now? No.

4

Quote from Hitchcock

Rosa: (Answering Hitchock's phone) Hello. No, there's no Michael here. You have the wrong number. Good-bye.
Hitchcock: I'm Michael.
Rosa: That's a dumb name, but it's yours, and you should be proud of it because you are the greatest Detective I've ever known.
Hitchcock: No doy, Diaz. No doy.

4

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh, no Jake, why did you invite Teddy up here? You poured blue soda all over my life.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Charles: So our bank got new ATMs?
Captain Holt: I wouldn't know. I switched banks.

3.3

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Did you just spit in my trash can?
Jake: No, Vaughn did. There's some tobacco in there too. Vaughn chews it, but it makes Jake super dizzy.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Coffee, extra black, extra no sugar, and real warm. It gets cold on them docks.
Boyle: (In an Irish accent) And one earl grey tea for me, Twink Tucker.
Jake: No, you ruined it.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Here are the transfer forms. Please don't-
Amy: Get any Jake on them? I'll put them in a sealed baggie.
Jake: Good call. All the drinks I'm bringing are blue.
Captain Holt: Naturally.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hi, can I speak with Detective Teddy Wells please? You can just tell him it's cupid calling. Wait, no, that's insane. Tell him it's Detective Peralta from the nine-nine.

3

Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: Anyway, tomorrow's my anniversary with Kevin. I'd like to cook him an impressive breakfast. Could you help orient me with that process?
Boyle: I'd be honored. Preparing food for one's lover is the most intimate gift of all. Aside from washing their hair.

3

Quote from Jake

Amy: There's just no spark between us anymore. We have different interests. All he wants to do with his free time is make and bottle pilsners.
Jake: Yeah, that guy is obsessed with yeast.

3

Quote from Jake

Amy: I had an airtight breakup plan in place. I made a reservation next thursday at a well-lit Korean restaurant in midtown. It's the least romantic place I could think of.
Jake: Scully's bathroom.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Tonight, I will focus solely on you and Teddy. (Cell phone beeps) And my very naked girlfriend. Wow. Sophia does not care about the cloud at all.

3

Quote from Gina

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, if Diaz won't accept our help, we got to go behind her back.
Gina: We definitely should go behind her back. That's the opposite side of where the germs are coming from.

3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Just let me help you. I'll get your perp to talk. I can be very persuasive.
I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Boyle: So close your eyes and open your mouth.
Captain Holt: This isn't burning man, Boyle. Tell me what I'm eating.
Boyle: Fine. It's a sharp Vermont Cabot. Now describe what you taste.
Captain Holt: Cheese.
Boyle: And...
Captain Holt: Cheese.

3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Okay, I was looking for more of an emotional connection.
For example, my favorite meal is a simple roast chicken and potatoes. It was the only dish my mother knew how to cook, and when I eat it, I feel as though I am once again inside her womb.

3

Quote from Scully

Scully: Hey, Boyle. I smell burning. Is Hitchcock roasting corn on the radiator again?
Boyle: No. What you smell is the burning wreckage of my relationship with Holt.
Scully: So there's no corn on the cob?

3

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see? Possibly.
Rosa: My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wow, last night really broke you, huh?
Amy: Actually, I think it was probably for the best. I'm glad I got it over with.
Jake: Totally. Sometimes you got to just rip off the band-aid and let the scab bleed all over the place.
Amy: That's not the expression at all.
Jake: I'm 100% it is.

3

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