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Quotes from ‘Payback’

Payback

'Payback' - Season 2, Episode 13

When Terry refuses to lend Jake any more money, the squad decides it's high time Jake paid them all back. Meanwhile, Amy the Captain work together on the Brooklyn Broiler case.

Air Date: January 11, 2015.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

4.6

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

4.6

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: He was a great partner. Smart, loyal. Homophobic but not racist. In those days that was pretty good.

4.6

Quote from Jake

Jake: How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty/sixty bucks?
Terry: Two thousand, four hundred and thirty seven dollars.
Jake: Dollars?! Wait, of course dollars. Why was that the part I was surprised by?

4.3

Quote from Amy

Amy: I could drive.
Holt: No, you don't know where we're going. But if you'd like a cup of coffee, there's an old bakery in that neighborhood. The coffee there is terrible, but I would enjoy the nostalgia.
Amy: I love terrible coffee. Now let's put away Richard Wilcox, that no good punk.
Holt: He's 86-years-old.
Amy: You don't out grow punk, sir.

4.3

Quote from Gina

Gina: I have either two or four words for you: Drag queen dim sum.

4.3

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Huh. Meat from the street. Sounds like a fun treat. Hah. I'm a poet and ... I didn't even know I was rhyming those words. But it happened anyway.

4.3

Quote from Gina

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch.

Now call my other grandma.

4.3

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Sir, did you just laugh?
Captain Holt: Uproariously.

4.3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Look, sarge, I burnt two hundred calories.
Terry: That's your heart rate.
Jake: Yeah, that checks out.

4.2

Quote from Jake

Jake: Here's what you do. Invite him over. Order some fancy take out. Throw it in a pot and act like you cooked it. I got the idea from Yahoo! Answers.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: Fact the fourth, I found this on your desk. It's a list of names. Nathaniel Jeffords. Alexa Jeffords.
Terry: Those are my cousins' names.
Jake: Lies. There is but one conclusion. You, Terry Jeffords, are pregnant. The names are baby names. The dentist an obstetrician. And the money is for baby things, like diapers!

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: There you are, sergeant. Instalment one of TBD. $1200 bucks, it's all I have. You should note it's all singles, because it takes so many notes to fill up a briefcase.

4

Quote from Rosa

Jake: How about this? I'll work off my debt to each of you. I'll do anything you want. How does that sound?
Scully: Anything?
Jake: Am I the only one that was super creeped out by that?
Boyle: No, that was definitely creepy.
Rosa: Yeah, he wants you to do something real weird.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Is this sauce for your chicken or my lamb?
Amy: I don't know. Shall we try it?
Captain Holt: Let's risk it.
Amy: It's amazing.
Captain Holt: I don't care for it. But I tried, and what a story for Kevin.

4

Quote from Jake

Boyle: Fingerholes was our idea.
Jake: I do not think it should be called fingerholes.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: Aww, Terry's pregnant?!
Jake: What? How do you know that?
Gina: We all know. You hit reply all on the email, Grandma Peralta.

4

Quote from Scully

Jake: If anything goes wrong, Scully fake a heart attack.
Scully: What are you thinking? Classic angina or something sexier like myocardial-infarction?
Jake: Just drop down onto the ground and wiggle.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: Aw man, this is almost too easy.
Terry: Are you crying?
Jake: No, that's eyeball sweat.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: Scully, now! Oh no, he's having a heart attack. This is a man's life, you callous bastards!

4

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: No more loans. You already owe me way too much. The Bank of Terry is closed.
Jake: What, are you sailing away on a tugboat?
Boyle: Man, I love tugboats.
Terry: It's not a tugboat. I am locking the vault!

3.7

Quote from Charles

Rosa: Hey, Boyle, I need a recommendation for a good restaurant. It's Marcus's birthday and I want to do something ... nice.
Boyle: Ooh, do you want like classic-romantic or gastro-sensuous?
Rosa: Ugh. Never mind.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Partner? What is going on? Is this a Make a Wish thing? Are you dying? Is it from loneliness?

3.5

Quote from Gina

Amy: We're taking our relationship to the next level.
Gina: From awkward underling to awkward colleague. This is a real ugly duckling story.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: We're gonna bounce ideas off each other. Eat street meat while we stake out some perp. Bond over burnt coffee.
Holt: Santiago! Now means now.
Amy: You got it.
See, he can't wait to work with me.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Fact the first, after years of not caring about my debt, you weirdly want me to pay it back now. That implies to me there is a sudden, unexpected expense.
Terry: Or I got sick of waiting for you to do the right thing.
Jake: Not plausible. You have endless patience for my shenanigans. Fact the second, you've had dentist appointments twice in the past two weeks. No one goes to the dentist that much. I haven't been in seven years.
Terry: You should go to the dentist, Jake.
Jake: Probably. My teeth hurt all the time.
Fact the third, I'm really liking this "Fact the" thing, I'm gonna stick with it.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: Do I even weigh anything to you?
Terry: No, it's like holding a couple of grapes.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: We're pregnant. We because I convinced you not to get a vasectomy, so if it weren't for me you would have no penis.
Terry: You still don't know what a vasectomy is.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Jake: All right, how much do I owe the rest of you?
Boyle: Four thousand and nine dollars.
Jake: What?! How is that even possible?
Boyle: June 3rd 2008, paid for you lunch - $8.45. June 3rd 2008, bought you a soda - $1.05. June 4th 2008, lent you $4,000 for an entertainment system.
Jake: There it is.
Boyle: Stopped keeping track after that.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Jake: Terry needs the money.
Gina: For what?
Jake: Uhm, for butt enhancement surgery.
Boyle: Smart. That's a real problem area for Terry.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Two coffees. Black for me, milk for you.
Amy: You remembered how I like it?
Holt: Yes, with milk. It's just one ingredient.
Amy: And you remembered it.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Gina made me call people and tell them she's dead to see how they would react.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Oh no, something's wrong here.
Amy: What, you think this punk is lying, partner?
Captain Holt: No, something is wrong in my intestine due to the street meat. We must go now.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Sir, we could find a public bathroom.
Captain Holt: No, this is a very private emergency.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: You're back so soon. Did you catch your guy?
Captain Holt: No, he was dead, so I'll never catch him. Also, Amy bought us tainted meat, and now I have diarrhoea.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: My arms don't seem to be responding to my brain any more.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: So how much blood do you usually have in your mouth when you do this?
Terry: None.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Jake: Boyle, I need to throw away this piece of paper and I can't move my body.
Boyle: On it, Jakey, it's show time. Here we go. I love this. We're like Batman and Alfred.
Rosa: You'd rather be Alfred than Robin?
Boyle: He has access to the Bat Cave and, plus, he gets to drive all Batman's girlfriends home and dish.
Jake: Doy.

3.5

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Dude, I'm not gonna buy a pot. We're not married.

3.3

Quote from Rosa

Jake: I only stumbled across it because I'm such an amazing detective.
Rosa: Who accidentally hit reply all like some idiot on an brunch thread.

3.3

Quote from Jake

Boyle: You can be my god father, Jake.
Jake: You're older than me!

3

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