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Quotes from ‘Defense Rests’

Defense Rests

'Defense Rests' - Season 2, Episode 14

After Sophia thinks her and Jake's jobs make a relationship unworkable, Jake tries to patch things up by befriending Sophia's boss, Geoffrey Hoytsman. Meanwhile, Deputy Chief Wuntch is dependent on Captain Holt for a job recommendation.

Air Date: January 25, 2015.

Quote from Gina

Gina: So you choose your dad over me, your co-worker who hates you?

4.7

Quote from Jake

Jake: So I will focus mainly on skiing and Atlantic City when I talk to him tonight at the Fundraiser for the Association of Brooklyn Public Defenders, aka the Chamber of Asses. No wait, that's too sexy. The Chamber of Snakes.

4.3

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'm a notary. No big deal. I met the comptroller.

4.3

Quote from Captain Holt

Deputy Chief Wuntch: I'm the front-runner for a job in the Boston PD.
Captain Holt: Boston? But it's so close to Salem. You do know what they do to witches up there, don't you?

4.3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: Please Sarge, just come. Do it for me. Do it for love.
Terry: Damn Jake, you know Terry loves love. I'm in.

4.3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Defense attorneys are monsters. Except for you, you're fine.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: Deputy Chief Wuntch is here to see you.
Captain Holt: Oh, please stay Diaz. I need a witness in case her head starts spinning around, or she turns into a she-wolf.

4

Quote from Gina

Charles: Papa's a gentleman and he won't propose until he gets Gina's permission, and she won't give it to him.
Gina: Who says papa? Are you a little French boy?

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: All of our worst enemies are here. Brown hair guy. Ponytail lady. Asian Don Cheadle. I refuse to learn their names because it humanizes them.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: What was Sarge's advice?
Captain Holt: Oh, you and I both know what Mother Jeffords would say. Take the high road. But I asked you, Detective Diaz, because you understand vengeance.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: What are you creeps doing? You made me look away from my phone. You better pray I didn't miss a text.
Amy: In the two seconds you looked away?
Gina: Seventeen texts. All of them important.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: The only reason I didn't tell you is I don't value you as people, so why be honest?

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Well Diaz, the deed is done.
Rosa: You torpedoed her promotion?
Captain Holt: Sadly, no. I gave that goblin a good recommendation. Your story about the marker turd really hit me. I began to realize that if even you thought I should take the high road, that was probably the right choice.

4

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: I'm sorry you didn't get your vengeance, Mother Holt.
Captain Holt: Good one.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: Move over please, I do have a wedding to plan. Because if this thing's happening, it's not going to be a Boyle Bros event. For starters, all the bridesmaids are going to be dressed like Roseanne from the television show Roseanne.
Boyle: Oh, I like that show.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: No, you should be changing her auto correct. What's her last name?
Jake: Perez.
Captain Holt: No, it's butt now. Sophia Butt. That feels good, doesn't it?
Jake: Not really.
Captain Holt: Okay. Let's get sauced.

4

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: They're in my yogurt. Now it's personal.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: A walk in the park, how romantic. And I know where all the murder spots are.
Sophia: Ah, do you want to see them or avoid them?
Jake: The choice is yours, m'lady.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Deputy Chief Wuntch: Hello, Raymond.
Captain Holt: No flaccid rejoinder? Huh. What's going on?

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Wait, ssh ssh ssh. Oh, moment savored. Now, where were we? Ah yes, you were talking about how I hold your fate in the palm of my hand.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: You think I'm bothered by a little spilt milkshake? I'm a food blogger. I'm stained all over!

3.5

Quote from Gina

Boyle: Well you know how our parents have been tender-sexing each other?
Amy: Ew.
Gina: Precisely, Amy, ew!

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: I took a course on conflict resolution and I have been waiting weeks to bust this bad boy out! Mmm, new binder smell.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I could torpedo her promotion. Just saying it brims my soul with joy. But to do so would mean she stays here in New York City, hanging over me like an Albino bat. On the other hand, if I praise Wuntch she will leave the city, the clouds will part, and the children will sing "Wuntch is gone".
Rosa: What children?
Captain Holt: All the children.
Rosa: Right. That was a stupid question.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Be nice to Wuntch? You may go now, Mother Diaz.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Terry: I hate this. Everyone is looking at us.
Jake: Only because we're equally massive, beautiful men in tuxes.

3.5

Sophia: How can I explain this? Oh, okay. Imagine this room is full of super intelligent robots, hell bent on ending humanity, and you are a working class human who just entered the swarm hive.
Jake: Love this. Love you. Keep going.
Sophia: Oh, that's a really weird moment to say you love me for the first time. I'm just gonna blow past that. The point is, you can't charm robots. So you should go before they pod you and harvest your brain.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Ooh, I should bet him that I can pee for longer than he can. The trick is to pinch it.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: But I am still planning to get some retribution. I got her a parting gift.
Rosa: Tickets to 'Wicked'?
Captain Holt: In Boston. She's moving to a second class city and I wanted to rub her nose in it. Enjoy the understudies, Madeline. Have fun watching some chubby cheddar knock-off warble her way through 'Popular'.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: A certified Shaman will conduct the ceremony, and the ring bearer will be an actual wolf.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Terry: You can hold your head up. You took the high road with Wuntch.
Captain Holt: Not entirely. When I was alone in her office, I changed her autocorrect. Now, when she types Wuntch it gets replaced with butt.

3.5

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: This wedding sounds weird. I'm in to it.

3.3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Now they're destroying our technology. This is an invasion!

3

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