<< Episode 222

Quotes from ‘Johnny and Dora’

Johnny and Dora

'Johnny and Dora' - Season 2, Episode 23

Captain Holt pairs Jake and Amy up to catch a notorious identity thief. Things take an intimate turn when Jake and Amy go undercover as Johnny and Dora, a newly engaged couple. Meanwhile, the whole precinct is shocked by the news that somebody is leaving the Nine-Nine.

Air Date: May 17, 2015.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell.

4.3

Quote from Scully

Jake: That machine's been here for ever. It's basically part of the force. Take Scully instead.
Scully: Yes, please. Take me to the land of vending machines.

4.3

Quote from Jake

Jake: In the immortal words of Amy Santiago, girlfriend please!

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Gina: You can't leave us.
Captain Holt: Madeline's not some invincible succubus. She's a regular succubus and she can be defeated.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Terry: We got the letter.
Captain Holt: Well done. Now get me Madeline and a bucket of water. It's time to melt a witch.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: Excuse me. We were just looking for a place to-
Amy: Boink.
Jake: Yes, boink. That's my preferred term for it, too.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, there's only one way out of this for me. I've got to get super cruel. Prepare to have your physical flaws pointed out, Amy. I'm talking about your tall butt and your weird elbows.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I want to say, it has been a pleasure to have worked alongside all of you for the past twenty-one and a half months.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I am sorry for getting so emotional.
Jake: Pretty consistent tone, actually.
Captain Holt: These have been the - These have been the best years of my career.
Jake: Oh no, this is new.
Captain Holt: And I know that everyone of you gave me everything you had. And I will never forget it.
Jake: Go back to being Robo-Captain.
Captain Holt: Meep-morp. Zeep.
Dismissed.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Gina: Sir! I'm coming with you.
Captain Holt: Thank you, Gina.
Scully: I'm also coming.
Captain Holt: Not necessary.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Don't count your gross fish babies before they've hatched, Madeline.

3.7

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: I knew just where to punch it to get free food. Now I'll have to go back to punching Hitchcock.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: My C.I. says that tonight Augustine will be handing off the laptop to a buyer from China, a.k.a. the Land of Dragons.
Captain Holt: Make sure that phrase is not in your official report.
Jake: Okay, sorry. The country of dragons.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: Did I do something to you? Are you mad? Is this because I brushed all the crumbs off your desk?

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Madeline Wuntch is making me head of relations for the NYPD. I'm being forced out of the Nine-Nine. I don't wish to make a big deal of it, so please limit your reactions to one second. Go.
Terry: Why...?
Gina: What...?
Captain Holt: That's plenty.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Amateur. Always say your insults to someone's face. No paper trail.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I need your help moving this old Ms. Pac-Man machine I bought.
Rosa: Why are you so obsessed with that game?
Boyle: Because it's the sexiest videogame ever. She's insatiable, Rosa. Insatiable. Insatiable-
Rosa: Stop saying insatiable.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Charles: If you're going in, I hear this place has an amazing bone marrow custard. *laughs* Not that I've ever tried a bad one.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: You sneak in and get the letter. I'll distract the file clerk. Apparently, he's very into bird watching, so talking to a woman should blow his mind. And talking to this woman, it could kill him.

3.5

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Don't lie to me, Boyle, or you will be eating your bone marrow custard through a straw.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Rosa: Clearly you don't know me at all.
Boyle: What? We're friends. I was building up to calling you Ro-ro one of these days.

3.5

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: That will never happen. In fact, you've just lost Rosa privileges. From now on, you can call me Diaz or Hey You.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
Madeline Wuntch: Call me the devil, Raymond? How original.
Captain Holt: Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.

3.5

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Yeah, who cares about a kiss? Call me if you grab each other's asses.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Madeline Wuntch: How did you get this?
Gina: (over intercom) Gina and Terry got this, you grackle.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Madeline Wuntch: So you've got an audience for this spectacle?
Captain Holt: Yes, well, who wouldn't want to see a man fight a crocodile.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You have until tomorrow, you grackle.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Marcus: It was all Charles's idea.
Boyle: I told you I knew you, Ro-ro.
Rosa: Thank you. But never call me Ro-ro again.
Boyle: Oh, but I will. I've earned this.
Happy B-day, Ro-ro.

3.5

Quote from Hitchcock

Jake: Who do you think it's gonna be?
Terry: I've no idea.
Hitchcock: I bet it's me. I just hope I'm ready.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Let me just start by saying this machine is the best restaurant in Brooklyn. And it always had a table for me.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay, the reason I didn't want to work with you is - Should I do this in an accent to undercut some of the awkwardness I'm feeling?

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: You know when you told me you didn't want to date cops?
(In Jamaican accent) That really bummed me out, man.

3

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Jake, you need a jacket or something.
Boyle: Well, Scully left his sports coat back there. Oh, but it'll never fit Jake's athletic body.
Unless.
Jake: No, I don't want to do that.
Boyle: You have to.
Jake: I'm not going to do it.
Boyle: You're doing it.
Amy: What do you have to do?
Jake: Don Johnson it.

3

Quote from Amy

Amy: We first met five years ago, but we don't count it because-
Jake: I was dating a speedboat model at the time.
Amy: And I was dating a super-handsome comptroller of a major U.S. city.

3

Captain Holt: Madeline, thank you for coming.
Madeline Wuntch: Raymond, always a pleasure to call on a vanquished foe. I feel like Jackie Joyner-Kersee congratulating one of the other, slower brothers.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Man, I forgot how long your signature takes. I'm just gonna watch Braveheart on my phone, real quick.

3

<< Previous Episode