Captain Holt: Diaz, are we still on for the polar bear swim tonight?
Rosa: It's either that or go carolling with my family, so yeah. I'd rather walk into the freezing ocean.

Jake: Oh my God, it's real life Die Hard. I mean, oh, no, crime.

Jake: Charles, did you call this into dispatch?
Charles: Yes, but I can't get in touch with anyone from the Nine-Nine.
Jake: Right. Amy, Rosa and Holt are having the time of their lives thrashing around in the frozen filthy ocean.

Gina: Let's fry these bitches!

Sergeant Jeffords: You think people will believe he threw himself in the garbage?

Charles: It's our first annual Boyle-Linetti Christmas. Are you excited about going to town on Daddy's nog?
Gina: Christmas is cancelled. Charles ruined it.

Jake: All right, I guess you'll just have to distract him when we get to the store.
Gina: On it. I'll take him to housewares and I'll ask him the difference between a skillet and a frying pan. That'll buy you six hours.

Jake: It's also not necessary to touch my face.
Charles: It's Christmas. A time for friendship.

Amy: You guys think I'm some kind of wimp, but I'm not. I'm tough and I'm strong, and I love to splash around in chilly water.
Captain Holt: It's not chilly. It's as cold as the waters of Cocytus, the frozen lake of hell.

Sergeant Jeffords: This better be an emergency. There better be a gun to your head.
Jake: Charles, Gina and I are in a hostage situation.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, God. I shouldn't have said the gun thing. Terry regrets the way he answered the phone.

Jake: This is my John McClane moment.

Jake: So, just to recap, you left an unmarked package on a police captain's desk on a random Monday with a suspicious message written on it that looked like it was scrawled by a crazy person.
Amy: Uh-huh.
Captain Holt: Bomb. There's a bomb. Everyone out! Let's go. This is not a drill.
Jake: Great gift, babe.

Jake: Gina, I screwed up. I forgot to get Charles anything.
Gina: Oh, well, I always knew he would die of sadness.

Charles: How are going to get past them without a gun fight?
Jake: I'll tell you how John McClane would do it. The vents.
Charles: Ah, blast the A/C, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.
Jake: No, we're gonna climb through them.
Charles: Even better. Classic use of vents.

Amy: Shut your dumb poem mouth!

Jake: All right, we're outnumbered and unarmed. If we're gonna get Gina back, we're gonna need weapons. This place sells hammers, wrenches-
Charles: Do they sell plants? Because some of that potting soil is very toxic if ingested in large quantities.
Jake: So, you want to feed the bad guys a lot of soil?
Charles: Force feed them.
Jake: Okay, that's a good idea that I will definitely consider.

Jake: Gina, you doing okay? You scared?
Gina: I'm scared you won't let me make a flamethrower and use it to throw flames.
Jake: You're right, I will not let you do that.

Amy: I'll see you there. I can't wait to dunk my junk.

Sergeant Jeffords: The important thing is keep Gina safe. You have a civilian with you. I'm on the way.
Jake: Cool. Oh, also, bring a pic of yourself in a towel coming out of the shower. Can't explain why. Okay, gotta go, bye.

Jake: We're at Goodwins. There are multiple gun men. They've blocked all the exits. They've taken the security guards hostage and we're looking for a place to hide. It's awesome.
Sergeant Jeffords: Awesome?
Jake: Awesomely serious. I am not enjoying this no matter how much it is 100% my favorite movie come to life.

Jake: I was just so focused on Amy's gift that I completely spaced, and his present to me was so personal. Okay, think, what does Charles love? Gross food, tan pants, Masterchef Junior. Ooh, I could call up one of those kids and offer them a free trip to New York.
Gina: I wouldn't do that.
Jake: Right, because I'm a stranger and I shouldn't be luring them out of state. Good call.

Amy: This one thinks July 18th is mid-July!

Jake: I don't know, maybe subconsciously I wanted Amy to smell more like you.
Charles: Okay, little creepy, bud. Coming on a little strong.
Gina: Wow, the tables have really turned.

Jake: Gina, you just saved Christmas.
Gina: It's what I do. Every damn year.

Sergeant Jeffords: He wants to storm the building. Jake: No! No, no, no. That is a bad idea. Look, we still haven't figured out where they're holding Gina and the rest of the hostages. If you guys come busting in here, things could go sideways real fast.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's what I told him, but then he just repeated it back to me in a lady's voice.

Charles: Yippie kayak, other buckets!
Jake: Boyle! You did it! And you completely botched the catchphrase.
Charles: I'm pretty sure it was right.
Jake: No, but you did great.

Charles: Greek? I don't trust the way the Greeks dance.
Jake: No one does.

Charles: Ho, ho, ho, Jake. Special delivery from Santa's elf. Merry Christmas. "Heart Attack Soda"
Jake: Holy crap. I love this stuff. You know, technically it's just carbonated fudge.
Charles: I know.
Jake: I thought they banned it.
Charles: Not in Syria. They use it to induce labor in goats.