Adrian Pimento Quotes Page 1 of 5

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Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 1)

Amy: The hell? I'm stuck.
Rosa: Yeah, I rigged it. That's what you get for being a nerd who wears seatbelts. Cool people die gruesome, preventable deaths. Oh, here's my ride.
Adrian Pimento: Pimento's here.
Amy: Hi, Pimento.
Adrian Pimento: Amy, it has been too long. When are you gonna let me meet my godson?
Amy: He's not your godson?
Adrian Pimento: Okay, but when you die, I am going to raise him.

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 1)

Rosa: All right, let's go.
Adrian Pimento: Yeah. I gotta drop you off and then I have a plane to catch.
Rosa: What, where are you going?
Adrian Pimento: Ugh. I took this job protecting a diamond mine in Northern Canada that's being terrorized by a pack of wolves? Apparently it's "illegal to shoot them" so I have to tear them apart limb from limb.
Rosa: How long you going for?
Adrian Pimento: As long as it takes me to find the alpha, kill it, take control of the pack, and then completely decimate the diamond mine. [laughs] Total double cross. All right, let's ride!
Both: Bye, Amy. [drive off]
Amy: No, wait. Rosa, no, no, you can't leave me here! This wasn't part of the plan! Or was this exactly the plan?

Quote from the episode Pimento

Jake: So what do you think caused Pimento's memory loss?
Dr. Jones: Probably years of repeated head trauma. I've been working as a neurologist for over two decades, and I have never seen a patient with more traumatic head injuries.
Jake: Well, doesn't look so bad.
Dr. Jones: The red is the good parts.
Jake: Oh, my God. Oh, I guess it does make sense. Pimento lives pretty hard.
[flashback:]
Adrian Pimento: I locked my keys in the car again. I guess I'll have to smash the window.
Jake: Actually, I got a hammer in my car.
[back:]
Adrian Pimento: Come on, everybody knows the skull is the hammer of the body.
Dr. Jones: Yeah, that's not true.
Adrian Pimento: What? Really? Okay, well, then this is on me.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Charles: Look, this morning, Pimento was screaming about someone trying to kill him. Has he said anything like that to you?
Dr. Jones: He has, but I've seen him every day for weeks, and I haven't noticed any new injuries, but the medication he's on may be making him paranoid.
Jake: Really? Because he doesn't-
Adrian Pimento: [screams] There's a bomb in my chest!
Jake: Right, he does keep doing that.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Adrian Pimento: All I know is, I woke up in a pool of my own blood next to a metal chair that had a dent in it the same shape as my head.
Charles: What were you doing before the attack?
Adrian Pimento: I was sitting in said metal chair watching the season two premiere of "The Masked Singer." The Egg had just gone, and I'm pretty sure I know who it is, Sara Gilbert.
Jake: That doesn't make any sense.
Adrian Pimento: Are you kidding? You don't think I know how Darlene walks?
Jake: No, no, no, no, I'm sure you do, it's just "The Masked Singer" ended four months ago. I still can't believe that the Bowl of Ramen wasn't Dikembe Mutombo.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Adrian Pimento: Jake!
Jake: Oh, my God, is that-
Adrian Pimento: Boyle!
Charles: It does sound like-
Adrian Pimento: It's me, Adrian Pimento.
Jake: Yeah, we know. Hi, Adrian. How are you?
Adrian Pimento: Very bad, someone's trying to kill me.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Adrian Pimento: It says, "Take pill, right jacket po"- I've never seen these before in my life.
Jake: This was filled three days ago. This doctor must be treating you for your...
[cut to:]
Dr. Jones: "Finding Dory" Disease, that's what most people call anterograde amnesia.
Charles & Adrian Pimento: Just keep swimming.
Dr. Jones: Exactly, that's what I tell my patients, just keep swimming.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Charles: Look, Adrian, we don't have a ton to go off on here. What else has been going on in your life?
Adrian Pimento: Normal stuff. Ooh, I got hired as a PI by the Countess Luann from "Real Housewives." I ended up sleeping with her in a tiny hotel Jacuzzi. I also microwaved a watermelon just to see if it would explode.
Jake: Okay, this is immediately unhelpful, but did the watermelon explode?
Adrian Pimento: It just cracked and got hot.
Jake: Oh.
Adrian Pimento: Total bust.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Jake: It just doesn't make any sense. I mean, you love "The Dark Knight," you love "Inception," and you haven't even seen "Memento"?
Adrian Pimento: Jake, I don't know what to tell ya. I spend a lot of time in jungles, you know. They don't exactly get movies like that. It's usually big blockbusters like "Finding Dory."
Charles: 486 million domestic.
Adrian Pimento: When you factor in international, 1.2 billion.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Adrian Pimento: Four month? No, no, no. I watched this last night. That doesn't make any- Where am I? What is that table?
Jake: Calm down. You're at the Nine-Nine, and you know what a table is.
Adrian Pimento: I don't remember coming here. How did I get here?
Jake: Oh, my God. Pimento has "Memento" disease. Your memory is resetting like the guy from the movie "Memento."
Both: What?
Jake: You guys never saw "Memento"? It's the guy with no short-term memory, you know, Christopher Nolan's first movie.
Charles: Is it like Dory from "Finding Dory," she keeps forgetting where she's swimming?
Jake: No, no, it's like-
Adrian Pimento: Dory, yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm like the forgetful little fish.
Jake: Oh, I mean, yeah, it's like that, but it's also like-
Charles: That's what Dory says.
Adrian Pimento: Classic Dory, Jake!
Jake: Ugh, you guys really ruined the coolness of this "Memento" thing.
Adrian Pimento: Also, Jake, "Following" is Christopher Nolan's first movie. You sound like a grade A[bleep] out here.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Charles: Where is that coming from?
Adrian Pimento: Oh, my God, there's a bomb in my chest!
Jake: What?
Adrian Pimento: They put a bomb in my chest!
Charles: What do we do?
Adrian Pimento: Wait a second, the sound's coming from my little watch.
Charles: You just assumed there was a bomb inside you?

Quote from the episode Pimento

Jake: Hey, maybe one of your PI cases is the reason you got attacked.
Adrian Pimento: I thought of that too, but I doubt it. You know, they're all the same, kinda boring. It's some redheaded lady wants me to hack her husband's phone to see if he's cheating with a spin instructor named Kendra.
Jake: It seems a little specific that they would all be like that, but okay.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Jake: Okay, let's get you dressed and back to the precinct where it's safe.
Adrian Pimento: Okay.
Jake: Oh, Adrian, the back of your gown's open.
Adrian Pimento: Don't peek at my tushy.
Jake: I'm not. Wait, since when is your back covered in tattoos?
Adrian Pimento: It's not, otherwise I couldn't get buried in a Jewish cemetery.
Charles: Are you Jewish?
Adrian Pimento: Not yet. Ooh, I should ask that nurse if they've got a mohel on staff.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Charles: Okay, Adrian, there's very little evidence to go on, so we should take a look at your PI case files.
Adrian Pimento: Don't have any. Keep everything right up here in the old steel- Where am I? What is this bed?
Jake: And his memory's resetting. All right, Adrian, someone's trying to kill you.
Adrian Pimento: Uh-huh.
Jake: You have a memory disorder.
Adrian Pimento: That makes sense.
Jake: Like in the movie "Memento."
Adrian Pimento: I haven't seen that!
Charles: It's like "Finding Dory."
Adrian Pimento: Oh, now I know exactly what's going on. Thank you, Charles.

Quote from the episode Pimento

Adrian Pimento: So there I am, naked, still holding the hedge trimmers when the chauffeur walks in and I say, "Guess you caught me red-handed."
Gabby Sholah: Because of the blood?
Adrian Pimento: Yeah, because of the blood! See, you get it.

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