Adrian Pimento: Help! Jake, what's happening? What is this ledge?
Jake: You must have tried to escape out the window and then your memory reset.
Adrian Pimento: What? I don't understand. Why would my memory reset?
Jake: It's just like the film "Finding Dory."
Adrian Pimento: Huh?
Jake: "Finding Dory."
Adrian Pimento: Ah, say no more! I completely understand!

Charles: This says your bank account number is 432211378, then just under that, "Someone saw this and stole your money."
Adrian Pimento: Aw.
Jake: Ew. This just says, "Don't trust your D."
Adrian Pimento: Okay, well, that's good advice. My D does get me in a lot of trouble.
Jake: Are you sure that's what the D stands for?
Adrian Pimento: Oh, it's for sure my dong. It could tell some stories: Costa Rica in '98, Nam.
Jake: It's coming up.

Jake: Hey, maybe one of your PI cases is the reason you got attacked.
Adrian Pimento: I thought of that too, but I doubt it. You know, they're all the same, kinda boring. It's some redheaded lady wants me to hack her husband's phone to see if he's cheating with a spin instructor named Kendra.
Jake: It seems a little specific that they would all be like that, but okay.

Adrian Pimento: It says, "Take pill, right jacket po"- I've never seen these before in my life.
Jake: This was filled three days ago. This doctor must be treating you for your...
[cut to:]
Dr. Jones: "Finding Dory" Disease, that's what most people call anterograde amnesia.
Charles & Adrian Pimento: Just keep swimming.
Dr. Jones: Exactly, that's what I tell my patients, just keep swimming.

Adrian Pimento: So there I am, naked, still holding the hedge trimmers when the chauffeur walks in and I say, "Guess you caught me red-handed."
Gabby Sholah: Because of the blood?
Adrian Pimento: Yeah, because of the blood! See, you get it.

Charles: Okay, Adrian, there's very little evidence to go on, so we should take a look at your PI case files.
Adrian Pimento: Don't have any. Keep everything right up here in the old steel- Where am I? What is this bed?
Jake: And his memory's resetting. All right, Adrian, someone's trying to kill you.
Adrian Pimento: Uh-huh.
Jake: You have a memory disorder.
Adrian Pimento: That makes sense.
Jake: Like in the movie "Memento."
Adrian Pimento: I haven't seen that!
Charles: It's like "Finding Dory."
Adrian Pimento: Oh, now I know exactly what's going on. Thank you, Charles.

Adrian Pimento: Thank you guys so much for this party. It means everything to me. And I'm sorry that earlier I went a little off the rails, hijacked the bus, stole all of your wallets to double check your identities-
Sergeant Jeffords: What?

Sergeant Jeffords: Can we back up? What were you doing in Boyle's closet in the first place?
Adrian Pimento: Well, I still had a key from when I was crashing there last year, and I wanted to shower and anoint my body with essential oils before I saw Rosa.
Duh.

Jake: Why were you in jail?
Adrian Pimento: Ah, I got shot down smuggling ammo to a rebel group, flying an old Soviet prop plane. They tortured us. Made me eat my co-pilot's tongue. Oof, now I've got a taste for it.

Adrian Pimento: First you cut me out of your lives, then you try and get me fired? My therapist was right about you guys. You're a couple of dinguses.
Jake: You have a therapist?
Adrian Pimento: Yeah, he's helping me work on my rotator cuff.
Charles: Oh, I see, it's a physical therapist.
Adrian Pimento: Oh, he's very physical, Charles. Very physical.

Adrian Pimento: Anyway, what's up with you guys? Hey, Jake, who you porking?
Jake: Uh, I guess Amy and I are still - I don't want to say it.
Adrian Pimento: Yep.
Jake: Porking.
Adrian Pimento: Yeah, you are. Nice.

Jake: I'll do it, it's fine. But I should warn you, my car is a piece of junk and it's always breaking down.
Adrian Pimento: Ah, come on! The universe isn't gonna let anything bad happen to two best friends unless we're in a fiery crash, and our bodies are burned beyond recognition.

Adrian Pimento: All right, now all you need to do is put some water on my crotch.
Jake: What? Why?
Adrian Pimento: Obviously because everybody who gets shot pees them self.

Adrian Pimento: The sign was real. If I ignore it and marry Rosa anyway, I'm basically asking the universe to stomp on my balls.

Jake: Hey, Adrian.
Adrian Pimento: Yeah.
Jake: We gotta talk.
Adrian Pimento: Really? Right now? I'm working on my vows. Hey, what rhymes with juicy heinie?
Jake: Nothing. Nothing rhymes with that. I would cut that line.
Adrian Pimento: But that's all I have.