Rosa: We're picking up where we left off when Adrian went into hiding. We're getting married tomorrow.
Sergeant Jeffords: Tomorrow. That's real quick.
Adrian Pimento: Thank you, Sarge.

Adrian Pimento: Jake!
Jake: Oh, my God, is that-
Adrian Pimento: Boyle!
Charles: It does sound like-
Adrian Pimento: It's me, Adrian Pimento.
Jake: Yeah, we know. Hi, Adrian. How are you?
Adrian Pimento: Very bad, someone's trying to kill me.

Adrian Pimento: Cool, I need to go to Neustadter, New York. I gotta pick up a pair of ruby earrings I pawned before I went into hiding.
Jake: Neustadter's like six hours away. I'm not so sure we can get there and back in time.
Adrian Pimento: Jake, there's no wedding without the earrings. My grandmother wore them on her wedding day, and said they blessed her union. Do you want this union to be blessed, Jake? Or do you want this union to be friggin' unblessed?

Adrian Pimento: Oh, my God, you really punched me. Oh, my God, that hurt.
Jake: Are you okay?
Adrian Pimento: What? Yeah, this is my character. I'm a coward. Come on. Give me everything you got.

Jake: So, big day. How you feeling, buddy?
Adrian Pimento: Good, giddy. [laughs] I've never felt giddy before. Didn't realize how close it was to hungry.
Jake: You know, it's possible you're just hungry. When's the last time you ate?
Adrian Pimento: Uh, three days ago?
Jake: Ah.

Gina: You excited for being married?
Adrian Pimento: Yeah! I love Rosa. I can't wait to just jam my tongue in her earholes, and eat the hair off her head. Hoo! I'm giddy.
Gina: Aw, that's cute.

Jake: Suck it, universe!
Gina: Are you crazy? Why would you even say that?
Adrian Pimento: Come on, man!

Jake: Are you sure it's the same necklace?
Adrian Pimento: Uh, yeah, Jake. I once punched it through a guy's throat, so I'm pretty sure I remember it.

Adrian Pimento: All right, we have an announcement to make. We're not getting married.
All: Aww!
Rosa: You can shove those "awws" up your butts.
Adrian Pimento: Yeah, or I'll come out there, and I'll do it for ya!

Jake: Well, that's all well and good, but we're not actually dirty. We can't just beat somebody up.
Adrian Pimento: What if that someone gave you permission?
Rosa: Babe, do you want us to beat you up?
Adrian Pimento: Ugh, yes, please. Anything to feel alive. I was lying before about enjoying walking. It sucks, and Maryland is a giant pile of garbage.

Adrian Pimento: Well, good morning, Linetti. Whoo, I slept like a frickin' baby last night. Staying at Chuck's is like a dream. Little guy loves doting on me, although you're gonna need to buy some bigger underwear if we're gonna be sharing, you know what I mean?
Charles: Okay, I'll get right on that.

Jake: I'm just gonna take the photo from the waist up, okay?
Adrian Pimento: Fine, but for the record, I think I should've peed myself.