Amy: It doesn't matter, because the night is already ruined. My stupid mother invited my stupid brother David to join us.
Rosa: I thought you liked your brothers.
Amy: I have seven brothers, Rosa, and I like all of them except David. Perfect David. David graduated at the top of his class at the police academy. David took a bullet for the mayor. David bakes his own bread.

Amy: What is this, 1950? I can't date someone unless I have my father's approval?

Amy: How was your flight?
Victor Santiago: Oh, good, good, you know, I did "The Times" crossword.
Amy: Oh, great puzzle today, right?
Victor Santiago: Oh, my God, 17 down?
Amy: Oh, I know, what about 16 across?
Victor Santiago: What about 34 across?
Amy: Oh, what about 45 down?
Both: What about 20 across? [laughter]

Jake: Hey, you made it.
Amy: Yeah.
Jake: We finally got all the Lambda Nus back into holding.
Amy: Who are the Lambda Nus? Doesn't matter. I'll read your notes later.
Jake: I didn't take any notes.
Amy: What the hell, Jake? Do you even love me?
Jake: Says the woman who never once sent me flowers. Never mind.

Rosa: Traffic is shut down. Civilians are being funneled into the checkpoints.
Amy: Good, just wish my guys over here could be a little more efficient. Yeah, I'm looking at you, Detective Fuzzy Paws!
Rosa: Is this Amy-hates-dogs-Amy or Amy-extra-stressed-Amy?
Amy: It's both Amys! I'm under a lot of pressure. And also, that dog is a piece of trash!
Rosa: I can tell something else is going on, you don't have to pretend to be mad at the dog.
Amy: First of all, I'm not pretending. That dog sucks!

David Santiago: Amy, I'm sorry for getting so competitive back there. You guys are helping me out, and I should just be grateful.
Amy: Of course you're being nice to me when I'm being a monster. Well, you know what, Mr. Perfect? I'm gonna find that ledger, and I'm gonna save your stupid butt.
David Santiago: That would be so great.
Amy: Please stop.

Amy: Hey, that was crazy, right? I mean, I can be scary.
Jake: Oh, yeah. I watch "Jeopardy" with you and you're a straight-up psycho.
Amy: Aww. Thanks, babe.
Jake: I'll take "Awesome Girlfriends" for 500, Alex.
Amy: I know you're being sweet, but don't disparage "Jeopardy."
Jake: Okay.

Amy: Keep telling me what to do and I'll stab your face off.
Charles: Hell yes!
Jake: Damn! Like that.

Amy: Well, I didn't see your name on the outside of the prison, unless your name is Texas State Penitentiary, Spring Valley Unit.

Amy: I'm just at the start of my labor. I haven't even had my first contrac... [moaning] ...tion.
Rosa: Was that a contraction?
Amy: No. That was just a crazy yawn.

Amy: This actually could be great, Boyle. You could romance her into talking, but you shouldn't do anything that you're not comfortable with.
Charles: Oh, no. No, I won't have to. It's not gonna get physical. You see, the art of seduction is all about making people wait.
Amy: Right.
Charles: Genevieve and I often begin our lovemaking sessions-
Amy: Oh. Okay.
Charles: With hours upon hours of delicateness-
Amy: Okay. Please stop.
Charles: That kind of blow-
Amy: Guard!

Amy: So I take it you couldn't get out of organizing Wuntch's memorial.
Captain Holt: Oh, no. It's impossible. She has bested me yet again.
Amy: Well then stop being such a moron, you idiot.
Captain Holt: Amy!
Amy: Sorry, it's the hormones. They're making me really irritable.
Rosa: Angry Amy's right.

Amy: And Jake I haven't seen him in weeks, and it's been so hard. I love him so much.
Oh, my God. I've said "I love you" to him before, but I've never added "so much." What if I never get to say "so much"?

Amy: ♪ I said who's that mama looking so cool ♪ ♪ I'm that mama looking so cool ♪
Rosa: Whoa?
Amy: [gasps] What? Oh, sorry, didn't see you there.
Rosa: Yeah, that was clear. What's going on? Why you dork dancing?

Amy: Okay, so I need to come up with 15 grand or my father/daughter dance is going to be performed by that.