Jake: He asked me to ditch class one day with him and his buddies, steal a school van, and go get drunk at his parents' cabin, but the day before we were supposed to go, someone ratted Brandon out, and he got suspended. He thought I was the one who told, and from that day forward, everyone called me "The Tattler."
Amy: Tattler. It's a sexy nickname.

Amy: Jake, this isn't so bad. History is full of great tattlers. Martin Luther King tattled on racists.
Jake: That's a pretty undercutting way of describing his accomplishments.
Amy: I was trying to help. It felt bad.

Amy: Guys! Vice principal caught me in the library. Let's roll!

Gina: Yeah, sure, I mean, we'll go to lunch with you. Why not?
Amy: Okay, okay, cool. Just before we go, I'm gonna go to go the bathroom for a bit. Not to cry about you leaving. But just to take a huge dump. So if you hear any crying from the bathroom. Not about you. It's the dump. Okay?

Hank: Look, guys, I don't want to take sides. I just want to make money.
Rosa: Then keep it a cop bar. We drink like crazy.
Amy: Yeah, 'cause of all the tragedy we experience on a daily basis, son.

Amy: Whoo! Crampon Holt! We're losing. Yeah!
Captain Holt: Why are you dancing?
Amy: Oh, I was up to nine-drink Amy, who speaks French, and then I hurl- I hurl- Hurled.
Hitchcock: What she's trying to say is that she vomited, and now she's back down to three-drink Amy, or Amy Dance Pants.
Amy: You know it.

Amy: Ooh, now can you open the drawers? If you want to get featured, you got to show them what's under the skirt, know what I mean?

Keri Brennan: Everybody looks at me like I'm either a victim or a traitor. I mean, I'm not even on any of the non-work group texts. And last night Beefer invited everybody over for whiskey and cigars, and I wasn't included.
Amy: Well, I mean, is not hanging out with Beefer really a punishment, per se?

Jake: He's in a lot of trouble, you know.
Amy: Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. It's a terrible situation. Let's go bail him out.
Jake: All right.
Amy: Ooh, should I get my hair blown out first? I'm gonna have pictures from today for the rest of my life.
Jake: Are you a bad person?

Amy: So, David, did you get fired, or is there gonna be, like, a hearing?
Jake: She's asking so she can be there to support you.
Amy: Oh, yeah, I wouldn't miss it. I'm so excited.
Jake: To support you.
Amy: That's what I said. I'm really looking forward to being there.
Jake: To support you.
Amy: Yeah, we're saying the same thing. I am pumped this is happening.

Amy: And you didn't feel pressure from Mom and Dad?
David Santiago: No, they're so supportive. I'd actually love some constructive criticism. It's the only way to grow. Anyway, thank you so much for bailing me out. If you can just drop me off at home, I will clear my name, and things can go back to the way they were.
Amy: The way they were. Great. It's my favorite way of things being.

David Santiago: We need a plan to get past them. So here's what I'm thinking.
I speak a little Portuguese from that time I opened a school in the favelas of Rio.
Amy: Ugh, barf.
David Santiago: What?
Amy: I said barf. I can't deal with your bragging anymore.
David Santiago: How is that bragging? I said I speak a little Portuguese when I'm actually fluent. [speaks Portuguese]
Amy: Ugh, shut up!

David Santiago: I think she's gonna be okay, but she's probably got a low-grade concussion. I wish you hadn't tried to do a death drop.
Amy: The ladies on "Drag Race" make it look so easy. I know, you don't get that reference because you don't have a television.
Jake: Why?

Amy: That seems like a lot of work to open every time you have to pay a bribe.
I would keep it in this filing cabinet. [gasps] I found it! I beat the golden boy! I'm the golden girl!

Rosa: So I'm positive the murder happened inside this apartment, but CSI could find no traces of blood. I'd like to ask the FBI to bring in a team of lab techs.
Captain Holt: This would require Commissioner Kelly signing off. Before I make that ask, is there anything else we can do?
Amy: Um, I'm pretty sure there is. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Captain Holt: I am now.
Both: We need Yee!