Amy Quotes Page 3 of 37

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Quote from the episode Captain Kim

Jake: Okay, look, Captain Kim lied to us. There's something in this house that proves she's conspiring with Madeline Wuntch, and we're gonna find it.
Amy: I am not letting you snoop around in her stuff and ruin this party.
Jake: Oh, okay. Well, good luck trying to stop us.
Amy: Oh, Jake. You don't know who you're dealing with, do you? I was a student chaperone at every dance from middle school on. I've stopped more horny teenagers from making out to Savage Garden than you can count.
Jake: Cool story, but we're not horny teens. We're horny adults. And tonight we're going all the way. Come on, Holt, let's shake this narc.
Amy: That's right, I am a NARC, a Nationally Accredited and Registered Chaperone.

Quote from the episode Admiral Peralta

Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry, we're so happy for you, but we also maybe, kind of already knew. I mean, you didn't do the best job of hiding it.
[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Why have you been carrying that box around so much?
Amy: I just love this box.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: Why are you reading that newspaper? It's two days old.
Amy: I just love this issue.
[flashback:]
Rosa: Hey, why are you wearing that Hazmat suit?
Amy: I just love this look.

Quote from the episode House Mouses

Amy: Look, it's okay. We all have fears. I'm so claustrophobic, I can't even go into the downstairs supply closet. I hear they have some hot new binder clips, but I'll never know.

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Jake: But I know you'll be excited, because I busted Devon here with four vials of this, which is a new drug called-
Amy: Taxi! You actually found some?
Jake: Yup. Your CI was right. It's popping up on the corners.
Amy: Man, my snitches are the best. The key is to always send them handwritten thank-you notes.

Quote from the episode The Party

Amy: Sergeant, I'm learning so much. We both have blue hand towels. We have the same microwave. And, once I buy coasters made out of geodes, we'll both have those.

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Jake: But, look, I know it seems like everything sucks, but why don't we just get married tomorrow? You know, we won't have a venue or a band or any of our guests, but we could go to city hall.
Amy: Jake, do you really want to get married in the same place people go to get restraining orders?
Jake: Amy Santiago, I would marry you any time, any place. I would marry you in the steaming filth of the Gowanus Canal.
Amy: Sweet. But also, gross.
Jake: I would marry you on the G Train in the summertime when the air conditioning is broken.
Amy: Damn, really?
Jake: I would marry you on top of the Empire State Building.
Amy: Well, that sounds kind of nice.
Jake: During a King Kong attack.
Amy: Oh, yeah, that's not good. Okay. City hall it is.

Quote from the episode The Tagger

Amy: High ceilings, three bedrooms. Why does every perp have a nicer apartment than me?

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: Not a gift, snitch. It didn't cost me anything. Just my worthless man hours.

Quote from the episode Gray Star Mutual

Amy: Well, if I'm being honest, I would like a prettier dress.
Rosa: There you go.
Amy: And I would like it to have some lace.
Rosa: Uh-huh.
Amy: And a sweetheart neckline, thank you very much.
Rosa: What else?
Amy: And I want a mermaid cut with tulip sleeves.
Rosa: Say it again. Say it loud.
Amy: A mermaid cut with tulip frickin' sleeves!

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Jake: I love you so much. You're my dream girl.
Amy: I love you too. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Quote from the episode The Apartment

Amy: You wanted to see me sirs? I was reading the sergeant's lips through the window. He either said "bring in Santiago next" or something about a San Diego nest.

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: At least three of us must be in there at all times. It's not a party if there's not four people.
Amy: Especially between the sheets!

Quote from the episode The Road Trip

Jake: I thought you guys were solid. Didn't you just get a joint Library Card?
Amy: Don't remind me. I'm going to be untangling that web for a month.

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Amy: Hello, friends. Who here would like to see a presentation of crime statistics as a function of demographics and time? Who wants to see a picture of a dead body?

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Amy: I'm in! A bet which improves someone's manners? Double score.

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