Amy: Yeah, well, it looks like the only train in here, is the train.
Sergeant Jeffords: Tell him, Amy.
Amy: Train, training, training wheels.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're circling, find it, find it.
Amy: Wheels! You are wheels.
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope.

Amy: What's up, y'all? Guess who just saved your asses? That's right. Miss Not Good Enough To Audibly Percuss.
Rosa: Who?
Amy: Me! I saved the flipping day. Got Patrick drunk, listen.
Patrick: (bellowing) I can sing!

Amy: Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Just so you know, at the end of the sixth book, Snape kills-
Jake: La-la-la-la-! No spoilies! Terry, let's go.

Jake: I am so sorry. I got carried away. I will now clean this up entirely by myself.
Amy: No. No, please keep your eyes on me as I make this sincere apology. I am sorry.

Captain Holt: So how'd it go with Sergeant Wells?
Jake: Let's see. He proposed to Amy. She said no, and then his girlfriend dumped him.
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry's getting nervous.
Amy: It's worse than it sounds. There was a jazz brunch involved.

Amy: Hey Veronica. It's time for some girl talk. ... Let me see that bra!
Veronica Hopkins: Excuse me?

Cagney and Lacey: Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.
Amy: Oh, uh, maybe don't play with the windows? Jake, tell them to stop.
Jake: But playing with the windows is fun.
Amy: Jake.
Jake: And it could spark a lifelong interest in mechanical engineering.
But sure. If you want, I'll tell these young girls that you don't think science is a good fit for them.
Amy: Play with those windows, ladies.
Cagney and Lacey: Yay!

Jake: Okay. Here we go. A cop did a bad thing and tried to get your daddy in trouble, but your daddy didn't do anything wrong.
Lacey: Because Daddy's black?
Jake: Yeah.
Lacey: That's scary.
Jake: It is scary. But that cop was wrong, and what he did was bad.
Amy: And the most important thing is your daddy's okay, and he's not in trouble, and he loves you both more than anything in the world.

Jake: Hey.
Amy: Hey!
Jake: That looks like the strut of a lady who just crushed an exam.
Amy: I sure did, and finished 45 minutes early.
Rosa: Oh, nice, did everyone else give you dirty looks?
Amy: So dirty.

Amy: Once again, I am so sorry about your tire. Just accidentally slashed it with my knife.
Woman: How does that happen accidentally?
Amy: It's very common. I should know, I'm a cop. Anyway, I will pay for the damage.
Woman: Wait, what's happening? My tire is fine.
Amy: It is? It is! Of course it is. Because this is all part of my prank show, "Fake Tire Slashers." Whoo! And you have won $27. And a dime. There's cameras everywhere. Okay. Thank you.

Gina: Wondering what happened? I happened. Out of the darkness, a hero emerges.
You know, using only my bare hands and also a few tools I replaced that plebe's flat with one of my tires.
Amy: You changed a tire! You were listening to me.
Gina: Not at all. I watched a video online on how to do it. But I will give you this, it was really empowering.
Amy: Right? And you did such an impressive job, especially for your first time.
Gina: Oh, no, I had a bunch of practice. I actually used your car for that. Thank you so much.
Amy: Oh. You still changed a tire. Counting this as a win.

Amy: Babe, are you sure we're in the right place? This looks like where they shot "The Village."
Jake: Amy, don't say things like that. You're gonna scare me. You know that.

Amy: I didn't get you a present. The gift is for Captain Holt. It's one of six presents I got him representing the six lessons that he's taught me: Determination, wisdom, posture-
Captain Holt: Detectives sometimes feel the urge to buy their captains holiday presents. Please refrain from doing so. Under no circumstances do I want a present. Peralta, my office.
Jake: Roger that!
Amy: Oh, my God, I have to return so many items.
Jake: I know.
Amy: Shut up.

Jake: Oh, this place is amazing. I've never had sex outside the United States. What are you thinking about?
Amy: Weirdly, the same thing.

Amy: Well, that's unfair. Your squad is responsible for at least 50 of those butts.