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Quote from the episode Admiral Peralta

Amy: Oh, God, what a nightmare.
Rosa: Agreed. Dude's a mess. You know he's only 24?
Amy: No, the Carroll Street case. I didn't realize that the mayor was interested in it, and I think I did something bad.
[later, Amy and Rosa stand in front of a sleeping Hitchock and Scully:]
Rosa: You gave Hitchcock and Scully an important case?
Both: [snoring]

Quote from the episode Admiral Peralta

Carl Kurm: My boss is furious. You ruined my 25th birthday. I want those guys punished.
Amy: Understood. I'll talk to them right now.
[later:]
Amy: Without that witness, the DA has nothing. Kurm is pissed.
Rosa: It's true. He kept calling you guys the human centipede.
Hitchcock: Because we have our heads up our asses. Yes, we've heard that before.
Rosa: I never thought I'd say this, but you guys did the right thing.
Amy: Unfortunately, Kurm wants you disciplined. So effective tomorrow, you're each getting one week paid suspension.
Hitchcock: Like vacation?
Amy: You deserve this punishment!
Rosa: [whispers] It's punishment where you don't have to work.
Scully: And we can go anywhere we like?
Amy: You can go to hell for all I care!
Rosa: [whispers] Or to a resort where you're being scammed.
Scully: Figi. Good idea.
Amy: Now, get out of my face!
Rosa: [whispers] Have fun.

Quote from the episode Admiral Peralta

Amy: Hey. How's your dad doing?
Jake: Well, the doctor said he'll be okay, but his hands are basically claws now. I don't know why they think that's okay. Hey, listen, I'm sorry the cake was green.
Amy: It's okay. I'll love our little Shrek no matter what.

Quote from the episode Valloweaster

Captain Holt: We need to get Cheddar to a doctor right now.
Amy: Bravo. [slow claps] What a performance. Cheddar didn't swallow any gems. This is all a ruse just like my brilliant lie about the pumpkin costume.
Jake: That was good.
Amy: There is no chance in hell that any of this is real.
[cut to:]
Dr. Gabbie Wince: Yep, you can see the gems right here on the X-ray.
Amy: Okay, so it's real.

Quote from the episode Ransom

Amy: Oh, Rosa, there she is. The Snoog! Look at those sexy lines. Oh, I just wanna get behind that thing and push.
Rosa: Aw, man, you're grossing me out.

Quote from the episode Ransom

Amy: Hi, I'm Amy Santiago.
Gloria: I am so sorry, but pregnant women aren't allowed to compete. Not after what happened last year. [long silence]
Amy: Are you gonna say what happened?
Gloria: It's part of the settlement. We can't.
Amy: Okay. Well, uh, good news: I'm not pregnant! I just had a huge lunch.
Gloria: I'm so sorry, I just can't.

Quote from the episode Ransom

Gloria: Wow, five hours. This is the most exciting contest we've had. Of course, the incident last year was exciting, but we all know how that ended. [inhales]
Amy: No. We don't.
Gloria: Right. Because of the gag order.

Quote from the episode Lights Out

Rosa: So, listen, I've been timing your contractions.
Amy: What? How? I've been hiding them so well.
Rosa: No, you have not.
[flashback:]
Amy: There's too much radio chatter. Let's try to keep non-emergency communications down to a... [groaning, snaps clipboard] .. minimum.

Quote from the episode Lights Out

Amy: Status update: I called in every officer I could. I green-lit double shifts and overtime. We're coordinating with the 9-6 on traffic control. We haven't processed anyone, so there's a backlog of perps on the third floor, and I have to go to the hospital because my water broke.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're having a baby? Amy, this is so wond...
Amy: [screams]
Sergeant Jeffords: We can just catch up after the baby comes.
Amy: [exhales]

Quote from the episode The Lake House

Amy: He forgot the sleep sack! And Mac doesn't even care! I can't watch this.

Quote from the episode Balancing

Amy: I'm sorry, babe. I'd say I'd take over Mac stuff for the week, but I have to rewrite my whole presentation to be snappier, and, also, according to Terry, I need to learn how to walk with my shoulders and not my feet.

Quote from the episode Balancing

Sergeant Jeffords: Amy, we got to talk. I just got a call from One Police Plaza. They said they were trying to reach you all morning.
Amy: Mac broke my phone. What do they want?
Sergeant Jeffords: They moved your presentation up. You're on in 20 minutes!
minutes?
Jake: Amy! We know where Franzia is. We're gonna go arrest him. I need you to take Mac.
Amy: No, you need to take Mac! I have to go right now.
Jake: So do I! What do we do?
Amy: I guess we could call that creepy babysitter you liked so much.
Jake: The babysitter is Franzia!
Amy: Even better! Two birds with one stone! We bring him to you!
Jake: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!
Amy: Oh, grow up!
Jake: Come on!

Quote from the episode Balancing

Amy: I look insane. What am I gonna do?
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, style over substance is clearly out, but if anyone can substance the crap out of this, it's Amy Santiago.
Amy: You're right, I can do this. Substance over style. [crashes] Mm! Come on, Amy.

Quote from the episode Balancing

Jake: Hey, how'd the presentation go?
Amy: Well, they just called, and... I won.
Jake: What?
Amy: I have authorization to start immediately.
Jake: Wait, you won? That's amazing. Why aren't you more excited? Why aren't you dork-dancing?
Amy: 'Cause you had to miss your thing, and I didn't want to rub it in. So I celebrated in the hallway before I walked in.

Quote from the episode Balancing

Amy: How'd it go here with Mac?
Jake: Fine. Mellow. He pulled himself up.
Amy: Wait, what? [gasps] That's huge! He's in the window! [chuckles] Why are you downplaying this?
Jake: Well, I just figured you would be bummed that you missed it.
Amy: Ugh, this sucks. You didn't get to arrest Franzia. I didn't get to see Mac pull up. I guess we really can't do it all.
Jake: I don't know. I mean, you got to do the work thing, and I got to do the parent thing. So... together... we did do it all.
Amy: Yeah, I guess you're right. It still totally sucks, though.
Jake: Yeah, I'm really bummed.
Amy: Yeah. I'm gonna get ready for bed.
Jake: Okay. You're gonna wake up Mac and see if he'll pull up, aren't you?
Amy: Obviously, he is not sleeping until he does it again.
Jake: All right, well, don't go without me, 'cause I want to see it.

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