Captain Holt Quotes Page 1 of 33

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Quote from the episode The Wednesday Incident

Captain Holt: Coat! Coat! Jacket! Coat! Is this a police precinct or a Turkish bazaar?

Quote from the episode The Mole

Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch is circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Captain Holt: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?
Jake: Yes.
Captain Holt: I was hula hooping.
Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
Jake: Oh, my God.
Captain Holt: I've mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.
Jake: Why are you telling me this?
Captain Holt: Because no one will ever believe you. [Deletes photos from phone]
Jake: You sick son of a bitch.

Quote from the episode Tactical Village

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Quote from the episode Payback

Captain Holt: He was a great partner. Smart, loyal. Homophobic but not racist. In those days that was pretty good.

Quote from the episode New Captain

Madeline Wuntch: Sticks and stones, Raymond.
Captain Holt: Describing your breakfast?

Quote from the episode The Mole

Deputy Chief Wuntch: Hello, Raymond.
Captain Holt: Madeline. I wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing. What brings you here?
Deputy Chief Wuntch: I heard you were under investigation by Internal Affairs. Didn't wanna miss that.
Captain Holt: So much time with your ear to the pavement, it's a pity a truck hasn't run over your head.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Debbie: Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun big brother?
Captain Holt: Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.

Quote from the episode Bureau

Jake: Whoo-hoo-hoo! We did it! What? I'm only human. You can't always expect me to be the coolest guy ever.
Bob Annderson: Coolest guy ever? Try telling that to Alan Greenspan.
Captain Holt: Nice burn, Bob!

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.
Captain Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Quote from the episode Greg and Larry

Captain Holt: Why'd you do it, Bob? Why'd you betray everything you ever stood for?
Bob Annderson: I spent 14 years bringing down a Mexican cartel. You know what they gave me for it? A letter of commendation with my last name misspelled.
Captain Holt: In all fairness, Bob, who spells "Anderson" with three Ns?

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Captain Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Sergeant Jeffords: You look chipper, Captain. Fun weekend?
Captain Holt: There was a small fire in my home. I lost many photo albums of treasured memories. I'm devastated.

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