Captain Holt: We're adding intimidation to the charges against you.
Jake: I know, you're both mad and disappointed.
Captain Holt: I'm neither. I'm displeased.
Jake: Is that worse?
Captain Holt: Yes. Of my 16 potential reactions, only one is stronger, and you should be thankful you've never seen me huffy.

Jake: Oh, I've never seen this face before. Wait, is that...
Captain Holt: Yes, he's made me huffy. Do you know what happens when you refuse to punish cops for their mistakes, when police are treated as a separate class of citizen above the law? It breeds a lack of trust in the community, and that lack of trust means people won't help us with our investigations or testify or even call us when they're in danger. It makes them more scared of us than of criminals and gangsters. It makes them run when we approach, even though they've done nothing wrong. It makes the people see us as the enemy, which leads to more confrontation, more distrust. You wonder how Peralta can do his job when he's held accountable for his actions? I wonder how any of us can do our job if he's not.
Frank O'Sullivan: What a bunch of bunk. The city's gonna settle. There are not gonna be any suspensions. Take the win.

Jake: Once I realized he was lying, I looked at his social media. He starts rehearsals for a rock musical in Florida on Monday.
Captain Holt: That tracks. Theater like that belongs in the swamps.
Jake: Well, yeah, obviously, I can't disagree, but the point is we're running out of time.

Jake: Look, O'Sullivan said he could make my suspension go away if just "played ball." He's clearly trying to get me to lean on you to kill your program.
Captain Holt: This doesn't sound like a setup. O'Sullivan didn't make you arrest an innocent man.
Jake: Or did he? Think about it. Marzipan, who I never liked, by the way, was the one who gave me the address to the bus lot. I think he and O'Sullivan made sure there was a "suspect" there for me to arrest.
Captain Holt: You think the victim was a plant?
Jake: Well, I didn't believe it either until I checked the guy's file. Guess what he does for a living? Actor. Huh? Come on, sir, you hate actors!
Captain Holt: I don't hate actors. I hate colleges that award diplomas for acting.

Jake: So you agree it was a setup. I have your unbridled support?
Captain Holt: My support is extremely bridled. You have circumstantial evidence at best.

Amy: I mean, I wouldn't put it past O'Sullivan. He is desperate to kill our reform program.
Captain Holt: True, he tried to blackmail me before.
[flashback:]
Frank O'Sullivan: If you don't give me what I want, I will release proof that you are a homosexual.
Captain Holt: I came out years ago.
Frank O'Sullivan: Ah, you're impossible.

Rosa: Hey, did Kevin seem weird to you when we told him we were only there for that book?
Captain Holt: You think he didn't believe us?
Rosa: No, he seemed sad. I think he was disappointed that you were there for the book and not for him. Maybe you should let him know you've been missing him.
Captain Holt: Huh, well, it might be worth a shot.
Rosa: What did you just do?
Captain Holt: I texted him a picture of my penis, like you suggested.
Rosa: No. Ugh! I meant for you to call him and tell him you've been thinking about him.
Captain Holt: Why didn't you say that?
Rosa: I thought it was understood.
Captain Holt: Hold on. He's writing back.
Rosa: Well, what did he say?
Captain Holt: It's a link to a graph. It's a scatter plot with a very robust data set. Well... [chuckles] That escalated quickly.

Captain Holt: I'm sorry... I'm just panicking, thinking about what Kevin will do when he sees it.
Rosa: Wait, you don't think he's seen it yet?
Captain Holt: No, Kevin only checks his email once a day at exactly 4:00 p.m.
Rosa: You didn't text it to him?
Captain Holt: We're not teens.
Rosa: Let's delete it off his computer, then.
Captain Holt: Yes, that could work. Kevin has virtual office hours at 2:00 p.m. At the same time, Cheddar will be taking a French lesson with his tutor, Monsieur Arnaud. We only have one hour exactement.

Kevin: Raymond, what are you doing here?
Captain Holt: Kevin, I didn't know you were home. I came by to get a book. "The History of The Crusades: Volume Three, 1123 to 1137."
Kevin: Why did you need it?
Captain Holt: I had an urgent question.
Kevin: About what?
Captain Holt: The atabeg of Mosul.
Kevin: Jikirmish?
Captain Holt: Zengi.
Kevin: But you already know everything about Zengi.
Captain Holt: True, it was Diaz's question, um... and I was embarrassed for her.
Kevin: And what was your question, Diaz?
Rosa: I wanted to know who Zengi is.
Kevin: Yes, that is embarrassing. I can see why you tried to cover for her. Well, if that's all...
Captain Holt: It is. Uh, just Zengi.
Kevin: Just Zengi. All right, then. Goodbye.

Captain Holt: Here is Kevin's laptop.
Rosa: Great.
Charles: "Dear Kevin, attached please find a picture of my penis. Sincerely, Raymond Holt." Deleted. [Cheddar barks]
Captain Holt: Cheddar! Non, s'il vous plait, non. French class must have ended early.
Rosa: Shut up.
Captain Holt: Shh.
Kevin: [o.s.] Hello? Is someone upstairs?

Rosa: Oh, I am hungover. How you feeling?
Captain Holt: Not good at all. You were supposed to watch out for me, Diaz.
Rosa: Good news is, the heavy drinking worked. You didn't mention Kevin one time.
Captain Holt: Oh, that is an accomplishment. Unfortunately, it appears that I did think about him at least once last night.
Rosa: What do you mean?
Captain Holt: At 3:30 a.m., I seem to have sent Kevin... A digital phallus portrait.
Rosa: A digital phallus portrait? What is that? [gasps] Oh, no, you sent him a [bleep] pic.

Captain Holt: Why did I send Kevin an obscene picture?
Rosa: Relax. It's not a big deal. You were just flirting.
Captain Holt: No, if I were flirting, I would have sent him a scatter plot of educational attainment versus caloric intake in Jacobin France. This is as if I've sent him a bar graph.
Rosa: Are bar graphs bad?
Captain Holt: It reduces robust data sets to a single point. Get your head out of your ass!

Captain Holt: And then he called her Cheryl, not Dr. Cheryl, a clear attempt to delegitimize her. Obviously, I agree, she has zero legitimacy. [Rosa puts on headphones] I mean, she calls herself Dr. Cheryl. [time lapse] Then Kevin brings up how Cheddar's French comprehension has regressed. Cheddar's tutor says it's because we're not speaking enough at home. [time lapse] The worst part is we used to share socks. With an odd number, that was a tense negotiation.
Rosa: Enough! All you do is talk about Kevin. This needs to stop.
Captain Holt: I'm sorry... I wish I could stop thinking about him, but he was my husband for 20 years. If you know how I could just erase him from my memory, I'd love to hear it.
Rosa: We could get really drunk.
Captain Holt: Yes, let's try that.

Rosa: Well, you can stay as long as you like. You're quiet, you're neat. You're the perfect roommate.
Captain Holt: I think Kevin would disagree. He told Dr. Cheryl I'm a sore loser at Scrabble. How would he know that when I win 78% of our matches?
Rosa: Wow, you're a lot chattier than I remember you being.
Captain Holt: Oh, sorry. I promise... I won't obsess about Kevin the whole time I'm here.
Rosa: Okay. Great.
Captain Holt: Although I may break that promise, because according to Kevin, I'm a liar.

Captain Holt: Thank you for letting me stay with you, Diaz. I am sorry for imposing. I assumed I'd be back with Kevin by now.
Rosa: Oh, couple's therapy isn't going well?
Captain Holt: Well, we're not back together, even after three full sessions. That's three hours, more if you include travel time.
Rosa: Why would I include travel time?
Captain Holt: It's a longer drive for me than for Kevin, so I'm putting in more effort.
Rosa: Hmm, I wonder why it's not going well.
Captain Holt: Well, Kevin says it's because so all I care about is work. But if that's true, why did I leave work 13 minutes early today to move in with you?