Sergeant Jeffords: Captain, maybe it's time to face reality. We have to erase the servers.
Sergeant Knox: I'll initiate the sequence for you. It just needs your passcode.
Captain Holt: Perhaps you're right. How depressing. I never would've thought that typing an intricate sequence of numbers from memory would bring such sadness.

Sergeant Knox: What's going on? We're running out of time here.
Captain Holt: Uh, sorry, it's uh from my husband, Kevin.
Sergeant Knox: Well, all due respect, but you don't have time for that. You've got 15 seconds before the hacker is inside the server.
Captain Holt: Uh, yes, uh it's just that Kevin just texted me some hot goss about our favorite reality TV star.
Sergeant Knox: 10 seconds. Your agents' lives are at stake. Eight, seven-
Captain Holt: Oh, I understand. I just have to find out about the hot goss.

Captain Holt: Peralta, Santiago, you'll be happy to know that I did not erase the server.
Jake: Oh, thank God.
Captain Holt: But sad to know that Knox caught on and is now holding me at gunpoint.
Jake: Why not lead with that?

Captain Holt: I've just received the email about whether I've gotten the job as commissioner. Well, from the look on my face, I'm sure you can guess what it says.
Jake: No. We have no idea at all. Just tell us, you monster.
Captain Holt: Really? No one noticed the slight tension in my labial commissure? My lips. I'm smiling.

Samuel Miller: Okay, so that's where we stand. Are there any questions or comments?
Captain Holt: Yes, there's something I'd like to say. Don't lose.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thought that was gonna be longer.
Jake: I loved it.
Rosa: It was perfect.

Captain Holt: Boyle! My father never saw my potential. In grade school, I wanted to spend all my free time drawing graphs and charts, but he insisted I play basketball. As if I care about slam dunking a three-pointer. Don't be my father, Boyle!
Charles: I wouldn't dare!

Captain Holt: Squirt more lube and help me yank.
Amy: Ugh, you know that fun braggy recap we do at the end of each win? Can we leave this part out?
Captain Holt: [GRUNTS] Yes. We'll make up a cooler thing. But for now, we lube and yank. Wrap your legs around him to anchor yourself.

Captain Holt: How many cummerbunds are you holding right now? Zero. It's one bund to none, son!

Jake: As Holt argues with me I will be covertly releasing more water into Cheddar's bowl. Then we sit back and wait for-
[cut to:]
Captain Holt: Potty time again?
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: What if he takes him downstairs?
Jake: He won't. I spent a lot of time making clandestine searches on Holt's computer. Now all of his targeted ads direct him straight to-
[cut to:]
Captain Holt: The Puppy PeePee Pad. Intriguing.
[present:]
Jake: He bought one and put it out on the roof next to Gina's golden statue. And, because he believes that Cheddar deserves to pee in privacy like any other self-respecting adult, he will leave Cheddar outside alone to do his business.
[cut to:]
Captain Holt: Notify me when you're done, via bark.

Captain Holt: I still have reservations about this plan. Perhaps you could say your dealer ran out or he's summering in Nantucket.

Captain Holt: Look, we need to solve this to prove to that idiot John Kelly, how inane and useless his little app is.
Jake: Oh dip. I see what's going on. Holt is feeling petty.
Captain Holt: I'm not being petty. I can assure you my feelings about John Kelly are purely professional.
Jake: Are they? Because every time his name is brought up in our group text thread you immediately send back a super catty GIF of some lady from "The Durrells in Corfu" rolling her eyes.
Captain Holt: That's Louisa Durrell, exasperated by the pace of life on Corfu.

Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know. I'm just trying to build a fun world. That's what model trains are all about: imagination.
Captain Holt: No, they're about accuracy. People like to see the world around them exactly as it is, but smaller.

Sergeant Jeffords: Check out Jeffords Junction. It's got a ice cream shop, a '50s diner, and a Mexican restaurant with a sombrero on it.
Captain Holt: What happens to the sombrero when it rains? I see no drains.
Does it just fill up with water until the building collapses, killing everyone inside?
Sergeant Jeffords: Fun fact: it never rains at Jeffords Junction.
Captain Holt: So you achieved this level of lushness through irrigation alone?

Captain Holt: [on the phone] Yes, Kevin, they moved it a full half inch. I'll tell you the entire story tonight. I love you as well. Goodbye. Oh, that was a fun several moments.

Jake: Oh, I've never seen this face before. Wait, is that...
Captain Holt: Yes, he's made me huffy. Do you know what happens when you refuse to punish cops for their mistakes, when police are treated as a separate class of citizen above the law? It breeds a lack of trust in the community, and that lack of trust means people won't help us with our investigations or testify or even call us when they're in danger. It makes them more scared of us than of criminals and gangsters. It makes them run when we approach, even though they've done nothing wrong. It makes the people see us as the enemy, which leads to more confrontation, more distrust. You wonder how Peralta can do his job when he's held accountable for his actions? I wonder how any of us can do our job if he's not.
Frank O'Sullivan: What a bunch of bunk. The city's gonna settle. There are not gonna be any suspensions. Take the win.