Amy: Sir, we could find a public bathroom.
Captain Holt: No, this is a very private emergency.

Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond.
Captain Holt: No flaccid rejoinder? Huh. What's going on?

Captain Holt: Wait, ssh ssh ssh. Oh, moment savored. Now, where were we? Ah yes, you were talking about how I hold your fate in the palm of my hand.

Captain Holt: Be nice to Wuntch? You may go now, Mother Diaz.

Captain Holt: I'm very pleased with this assessment.
Gina: You should be. I took the test and I also got an I9 C3 G6.
Captain Holt: What? We got the same score?
Gina: It's just crazy how accurate this thing is.
Captain Holt: Yes, crazy.

Captain Holt: All right, detective, what's this all about? You have seventy seconds.
Jake: Why seventy?
Captain Holt: Do you really want to waste your time while I explain my algorithm?

Rosa: That sounds super exciting. Is this thing mandatory?
Amy: Oh, I hope so. Please say yes.
Captain Holt: No, but there is a prize for whoever solves it first. Two tickets to this Sunday's Beyonce Knowles rock music concert.

Captain Holt: Next round's on me. It's the least I can do after teasing your brains so mercilessly.

Amy: So, what are you going to say to your old C/O tomorrow when he asks if you've solved the puzzle?
Captain Holt: I don't know. Thanks for bringing it up. Fun chat.

Captain Holt: Nice job on Quebec. I bet the cops weren't happy you showed them up.
Jake: Yeah, well, maybe not at first. But by the end, they kept calling me a real batard, which I can only assume means hero.
Captain Holt: It means bastard, but that's only because they were jealous.

Captain Holt: I'm sorry we missed the show. I know dancing is an important hobby to you.
Gina: Hobby? You think my dancing is a hobby?
Captain Holt: Oh, yes. Like me and antique collecting. It's thrilling but no one is ever going to pay me for it. Ergo, a hobby.

Captain Holt: Gina, I want to tell you something. Dancing is more than a hobby for you. It's a profession.
Gina: Uh, so you're a liar like Terry now?
Captain Holt: No, I'm no bunny buying coward.

Rosa: I'm sorry. We're screwed. I should just break up with him.
Captain Holt: No, no, no. Santiago is always on time. We only have to make small talk for-
Rosa: Eight minutes and forty-five seconds.
Captain Holt: We better keep it impersonal. Acceptable subjects include what constitutes a grain, the Hubble space telescope, orchid varietals, the birth of the transistor-
Rosa: We only have to fill eight mintues.
Captain Holt: Sure, but think about it as four hundred and eighty seconds, and you'll see why I'm concerned.
Rosa: Oh my God.

Captain Holt: Phew, great idea, take a breather. That was way too personal. No one needs to know you have sisters.

Captain Holt: Very well, I'll figure out a way to get you out of here without arousing suspicion. Now, I'm regretting blowing through my orchid material so quickly.