Captain Holt: You won't be abusing your power like this with the officers downstairs, will you?
Amy: No! No, of course not. I'm just excited for my first day.
Captain Holt: Yes, I remember my first day as a sergeant.
Amy: I bet.
Captain Holt: My Uncle Geoffrey was struck by a subway and maimed.
Amy: Oh.
Captain Holt: But the work aspect was quite exciting.

Amy: Hey, Captain. Just wanted to say sorry about the hole in the wall. I've already called maintenance.
Captain Holt: Okay. Anything else?
Amy: God, you're good. You saw right through me. I failed as a manager. I couldn't deal with this overeager officer who kept pestering me.
Captain Holt: Ohh, you have an Amy.
Amy: Yes, I know. We've been through it a lot today.

Captain Holt: Well, you should've come to me. I know exactly what it's like to be you.
Amy: You used to be an Amy?
Captain Holt: No, I never had your level of insecurity. I was referring to managing an Amy.
Amy: Of course.

Captain Holt: If the mayor wants to make me the next NYPD commissioner, it'll be because of my record and my qualifications, not my social media presence. This is a serious job.
Sergeant Jeffords: I know. But like it or not, the decision is political, and social media is a part of politics now. You need a Twitter account.
Captain Holt: Not gonna happen. The whole thing is inane. Besides, 140 characters is far more than anyone needs to make a point.
Sergeant Jeffords: They actually upped it to 280.
Captain Holt: Oh, good God.

Gina: And why is Cheddar wearing a beret?
Captain Holt: Uh, Kevin saw your photos and was amused, so we started an Instagram account for Cheddar, who now has over 14,000 followers.
Gina: Hoo-whee!
Captain Holt: It's an incredible feeling.

Gina: Olivia Crawford just got off the elevator.
Captain Holt: My rival for the commissionership? She's here right now? I've got to come up with a confident opening salvo. Think, Raymond. Think.
Olivia Crawford: Hello, Raymond.
Captain Holt: Olivia. You have a little bit of goop in your eye.
Olivia Crawford: Oh, thank you.
[Holt looks knowingly at Gina]

Olivia Crawford: Raymond.
Captain Holt: Hello.
Olivia Crawford: You have goop in your eye.
Captain Holt: No, I don't. I rinsed my eyes before you arrived.

Captain Holt: Where is he? Cheddar? Cheddar! Cheddar the dog!
Gina: Oh, he ate the cake.
Captain Holt: Oh, Cheddar, you furry little pig.

Captain Holt: Uh, do a lap without me. I need to talk to Larry about an issue with our shared fence. Larry, I need to talk to you about an issue with our shared fence.
Jake: Yes, I also need to discuss this shared fence issue with you.

Captain Holt: ATVs? The only thing you're selling is a huge pile of bunk.

Captain Holt: You okay?
Jake: [grunts] Yeah. A little sore, but-
Captain Holt: Good. Then I can excoriate you freely.

Taylor: Look, there's one other thing. Now that you're management, I need you to promise me that you're gonna lay off the drugs. Just a little. I don't want to kill your whole stoney vibe or anything.
Captain Holt: I'll try.
Taylor: Thank you. You keep this up, and I genuinely believe that you could be night manager in, like, two to three years.
Captain Holt: Yes. Two or three years. Here. In Florida.

Captain Holt: Hi, I hear you're the man to talk to about the XTR-XP 49789WJ8-09 Xtreme four-wheel drive Z-Cat.

Jake: Sir, I'm gonna stop you right there. I think you might be more comfortable speaking with one of our other associates.
Captain Holt: No, no, I need to talk to this particular associate and apologize for saying he half-assed his ATV sales technique.
Jake: Well, that's very nice, but I've moved on, and I'm with customers, so thanks.
Captain Holt: [to the customers] These machines are death traps. If you purchase one, you will be maimed.
Jake: [laughs] You won't be maimed. Most of the injuries are internal.

Captain Holt: I say we post this video and use it to lure Figgis down here, making ourselves into bait.
Jake: And once Figgis is here, we take him down, climb out of America's steaming orifice, and go home. I like the way you're thinking, Greg.
Captain Holt: It's Holt. Captain Raymond Holt. Now come and get us, Figgis.