Captain Holt: Hello, Larry. It's your neighbor, Greg. Can I try your hot tub out? I'm thinking of getting one.
Jake: Of course, that's a totally normal thing to do in 100 degree weather. Come on in and hop in the tub.
Captain Holt: Thank you.

Captain Holt: Sheriff, I'm ready to talk.
Sheriff Reynolds: This better be good. I'm a busy man.
Captain Holt: You just spent 30 minutes trying to win a radio contest.
Sheriff Reynolds: For my wife. They're giving away Swampsgiving tickets.

Jake: Figgis is in town, and we have no car, no money, no guns; we can't go back to our houses because the police are looking for us. It's time to call the Nine-Nine.
Captain Holt: Absolutely not.
Jake: What is going on with you
Captain Holt: Nothing, I just think that we can do it alone.
Jake: Sir, we just shared one of the longest kisses of my life. I think we can be honest with each other.
Captain Holt: All right. The Nine-Nine bailed me out once before when I was taken hostage by Bob, a man I had put my trust in, like a fool. I don't want them to rescue me again. It's embarrassing. I need to clean up my own mess.

Captain Holt: I know your shift is over, and you've had a challenging night, but I think I've found a new way to raise morale. Follow me to the briefing room.
Rosa: What's all this?
Captain Holt: It's an after-work hang. Just trying to turn up, as it were.

Captain Holt: Enough. I tried to make this fun. I even learned what Skrillex was. Sorry you're all miserable, but guess what. So am I. I'm exhausted all the time, I never see my husband, the late-night NPR programming - pure garbage. I'm done trying. We can all be miserable together. Just go home.

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain Holt, can we talk to you?
Captain Holt: What is the meaning of this? Am I the subject of a punking?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a beginning-of-work hang.

*Captain Holt arrives with a marching band playing "Ride of the Valkyries*
Jake: Such a dork.
Amy: So cool.
Captain Holt: Attention, squad. Tonight-
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope.
Gina: Y'all three really should have coordinated.

Captain Holt: And despite our natural desire to stop everything, you'd like us to soldier on in your absence and keep the heist going?
Gina: Yeah, that's fine.
Captain Holt: Well, you heard the lady. She insists we continue. Let's mop up this blood and get back at it.

Captain Holt: I say we reset the plaque and start over.
Jake: What? But my team had it. Charles, tell him.
Charles: No, Jake. We're resetting.
Jake: Charles, what are you saying?
Charles: The plaque goes Back! [Charles collapses into Holt's arms] [groans]
Captain Holt: Yes, Pork Chop. Yes.

Captain Holt: Well, perhaps I can use a teammate after all. Do you swear I can trust you?
Charles: Yes. I swear.
Captain Holt: Let's unleash hell.

Jake: I just realized how important my duty as a police officer is to me, you know? The sacred oath I took. Your speech really inspired me.
Captain Holt: Well, it was one of my better ones. Felt really good as I was saying it.

Captain Holt: Stop talking!

Captain Holt: Once again, the MTA has bested us. We should never have trusted a Hoboken drunk.

Captain Holt: Well, I haven't fared any better. She keeps drawing her stupid circle pictures and then running off to the bathroom.
Woman: (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Captain Holt: We get it. You have a bum-tum. Yes.

Captain Holt: Please close the blinds. We're about to violate several departmental regulations.
Sergeant Jeffords: Ho, ho!
Captain Holt: All right! It's been a very long week, and as of right now, we're both off duty. I think we've earned a drink.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can get behind that.
Captain Holt: I heard from City Council about the liaison position.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is that right?
Captain Holt: You didn't get it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh. Oh, this is a sad drink. Was it the complaint?
Captain Holt: We'll never know for sure, but, uh, I think it's likely. However, this is not a sad drink. We're celebrating to doing the right thing.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know. Maybe we shouldn't have filed the complaint. Maybe I could've done more if I had gotten the liaison job.
Captain Holt: Maybe. But one thing's for certain. Maldack will think twice before making another bad stop like that again. That's a win.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. It's tough.
Captain Holt: It is.