Captain Holt: Sergeant, I'd like you to meet Richard and Dan. They are puppies.

Amy: Has Captain Holt ever told you about the Brooklyn broiler?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. Arsonist. Burned down 12 buildings in Crown Heights. Captain's told me about it many times.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: [blowing out a match] You flamed out. Dirt bag.

Amy: So I was just looking through some old files, and I think I may have found a mistake in a closed case.
Captain Holt: Which one?
Amy: It was actually... Now that I think of it, if I'm remembering correctly, and I could be wrong on this, but-
Sergeant Jeffords: It's the Brooklyn broiler.
Captain Holt: What? That dirtbag flamed out ages ago.

Captain Holt: "From Ray to Z"? I thought I told you no gifts. Take this away, and bring me the broiler's file. I'll look into this mistake.
Amy: Actually, the evidence is part of the scrapbook, so I have to leave the whole thing.
Captain Holt: Fine, I'll look at the relevant pages, but as for the rest, I will not peruse.

Captain Holt: Santiago, I want to thank you for my gift.
Amy: You like the scrapbook?
Captain Holt: I don't know. I'm a man of my word, so I did not peruse.

Captain Holt: Attention please! Attention. I'm sorry to interrupt your holiday revelry. It truly is a fun night.

Jake: I can't believe you're just rolling over and giving my murder away to The Vulture.
Charles: We call him The Vulture because he swoops in and solves cases that are almost solved and takes the credit for himself.
Captain Holt: Yes, Boyle, I put that together from context.

Captain Holt: Santiago wants to make Captain one day. I know, because I've frequently caught her wearing my hat and looking into a mirror.

Captain Holt: Interesting. I will attempt to cooperate with you. Under these new circumstances.
Madeline Wuntch: Don't sweet-talk me, Holt.
Captain Holt: I gave it my best shot. Let's begin.

Captain Holt: We were doomed the minute she slithered into the precinct. It's funny. When we first met, we had some good times.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: Looks like we both want that stapler.
Madeline Wuntch: Seems that way based on what happened.
[Holt and Wuntch chuckle]

[flashback:]
Captain Holt: Madeline. Would you care for a drink?
Madeline Wuntch: I'd love one.
Captain Holt: I'm sure you can tell I'm quite drunk. I've had a couple to build up the nerve. I think we both know what I'm about to say.
Madeline Wuntch: Raymond, I don't think we need to say anything. [undresses]
Captain Holt: I'm gay. That's what I was going to tell you.
Madeline Wuntch: Well, then.
[present:]
Captain Holt: She sabotaged my career because I refused to bed her.

Captain Holt: I attempted to cajole her but she rebuffed me. I'm not a man of unlimited cajoling.
Amy: Well, you better become one because I need you in command. This precinct needs you in command. Cajole up, captain.

Rosa: The task force has made some busts. But we still haven't found any high-level dealers or major drug stashes.
Sergeant Jeffords: But we will soon.
Captain Holt: Is that a promise? Or just another lollipop that no one's ever gonna lick?

Jake: You wanna do me? I'll do you right back. Tit for toot.
Captain Holt: I've been on the force for 30 years, and I've never been accused of impropriety.
Jake: Oh, is that a fact? Because I heard you call Deputy Chief Wuntch by her first name and after that, you told her you hoped she got carried off by crows. That is gross insubordination.
Captain Holt: Madeline is irrelevant. Our battles extend beyond the confines of NYPD rules. You're being ridiculous.

Jake: If you're such a great cop, how come you didn't know there was a mole in your precinct? That's right, because you did. Because you are the mole, you mole!
Captain Holt: I've heard enough! Please return your guest pajamas, guest toothbrush, and guest slippers, and get out of here. It's time for you to be suspended.