Jake: I can't believe you're just rolling over and giving my murder away to The Vulture.
Charles: We call him The Vulture because he swoops in and solves cases that are almost solved and takes the credit for himself.
Captain Holt: Yes, Boyle, I put that together from context.

Captain Holt: I threw away the photo because I think it's ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall.
Amy: Oh.
Captain Holt: But you would have me hang a Baroque oil painting of myself like I'm a North Korean dictator. What, no ornate gold frame? Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor?
Amy: We could add a horse.

Rosa: You all right, Captain? Tough weekend?
Captain Holt: I went to Barbados with my husband. We wove hats out of palm fronds and swam with the stingrays. I've never been happier.

Sergeant Jeffords: You look chipper, Captain. Fun weekend?
Captain Holt: There was a small fire in my home. I lost many photo albums of treasured memories. I'm devastated.

Amy: Knock knock.
Captain Holt: Knock with your hands. Saying it is ridiculous.

Jake: Oh, come on, really? I'm a few minutes late so you're going to call me out in front of everyone?
Captain Holt: Good idea. Everyone? Gather around. So I can call out Peralta in front of you.

Captain Holt: Here are two pictures. One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?
Jake: That one's the dump.
Captain Holt: They're both your locker.

Captain Holt: This folder is labelled Undies comma Dirty.
Jake: So I won't confuse it with Undies comma Clean.

Captain Holt: Why is there yoghurt on this?
Jake: The Deputy Commissioner threw my report in Terry's trash can, and he'd been eating yoghurt earlier.
Captain Holt: Terry loves yoghurt.

Captain Holt: Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly-
Sergeant Jeffords: Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. Because I had large-
Captain Holt: Titties. Yes, I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though, to be fair, it was accurate.

Captain Holt: First of all, I think you're kind of overdoing it with the manscaping. But more importantly, detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously?