Charles: "Julia, we've never spoken-"
Jake: Mm-hmm, four words in, and it's already pretty bad for me.
Charles: "But your transfer to the Nine-Nine is a foolish one. They are a dysfunctional precinct commanded by a rancid old prune, Raymond Holt. But in recognition of your exemplary service, I will honor your wishes. Wuntch."

Amy: Guys, guys, the marshal gave me good news about Jake.
Charles: Jake's back. Jake's back! Oh, we're not ready. We need gummy worms. We need them now!

Jake: Charles, it looks amazing.
Amy: It's beautiful. How can I ever repay you?
Charles: Get pregnant. Use your body to give the world more Jake.
Jake: Holy crap. All right. I'm gonna take Charles away from you now. I will see you up there.

Amy: It's happening. Put on your head.
Charles: Oh, with pleasure. I love disappearing into a role. I'm Argyle James Hopford, a bachelor bunny who's carrying out a scandalous affair with a local goose.
Amy: Shut up and put on your damn head!

Jake: NYPD! Open up! That's weird. The door's unlocked.
Charles: That's too bad. I love watching you pound one out.
Dr. Frederick Tate: Charles.
Charles: What? That was sexual? Which part?
Jake: All of the parts.

Jake: Hey, donut holes. Don't mind if I do.
Eurgh! Fish? Fish donuts, Boyle? What is wrong with you?
Charles: It's takoyaki. I'm drowning my sorrows in octopus balls.

Jake: Melvin's import is in Queens. Let's just go there right now.
Charles: Oh, so they could just walk all over me in person instead of on the phone? Face it, Jake, I'm weak.
Jake: What? Don't talk like that. You're very strong, all right? And you're a parent now, which makes you even stronger. I mean, think about all those moms who literally lift buses off their kids every day.
Charles: Oh, so you're saying I should tap into my mommy strength.
Jake: Yeah, or daddy strength, but whatever.
Charles: Right, time to put some daddy into my mommy.
Jake: Gotta be a better way to phrase that, let's go.

Charles: Anyway, thanks for coming with me to the funeral. I think we're all packed. I just got to go grab the coffin.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, why are you bringing the coffin?
Charles: I brought a coffin to my nana's funeral on a whim, and it was a big hit. So now, guess who's the coffin cousin?

Charles: It's just- Adoption is complicated. No matter how much I want to be, I'm not Nikolaj's real father.
Jake: Come on, Charles. Of course you are.
Charles: Well, that'll be up to him. And he may even change his mind about it throughout his life. I mean, all I can do is make him feel safe and give him as much love as I can.
Jake: Well, I think Nikolaj is very lucky to have you.
Charles: Nikolaj.

Jake: You know, just put on a leather jacket and become a badass. You also need a chunky bracelet with fringe.
Charles: Wrong. Ever since Rosa gave me this baby, people have been treating me like I'm cool. The girl at the coffee shop even got the name on my cup right. It says "Charles," not "Cassie."
Amy: You know, I think it's ess about the jacket and more about the fact that you're feeling confident. Maybe this cool version of Charles was in there all along.
Charles: Amy, I love you, but that's insane. It's a magic jacket.

Gina: Charles, if it's so great, why would she give it to me? I barely knew her.
Charles: You know what, she probably got you confused with my cousin Tina. He was always her favorite.
Gina: Tina is a boy's name?
Charles: Yeah, short for Christina.
Gina: Mm.

Captain Holt: Shh! It's a corn crake.
Kevin: Oh, no, I can't believe it. I finally spot a corn crake, and my eyes are swollen shut.
Jake: It's okay, Kevin. I'll describe it to you. Okay, have you ever seen a duck?
Captain Holt: Peralta, I got this.
Jake: Oh, okay.
Captain Holt: The beak color is Pantone 4685C.
Kevin: Mm.
Captain Holt: The wing is Pantone 2322C spotted with 4515C.
Kevin: Ooh.
Captain Holt: The tail is Pantone 7525C with bands of 419C.
Kevin: Oh, my, my.
Captain Holt: Oh, Kevin, the throat... Pantone 7528C.
Kevin: Oh, Raymond.
Jake: Those are some hot Pantones.

Charles: Here it is. Pappy Boyle's farm. I spent every summer here as a kid.
Jake: Got to say, it's nicer than I was expecting.
Charles: Pappy did well for himself. He went to business school in New York. He got a job in Wall Street. And one day his hand got caught in a subway door. And he was dragged from Times Square into Queens. Largest settlement in city history.

Jake: Wait, stop talking. I'm hearing something in the background. What is that, a train and a girl whimpering?
Charles: That's me; I'm so scared you're not gonna find me.

Charles: Holt has the plaque. It's hidden in the evidence room in a box marked "Cold Cases 1972"
Jake: Thanks, bud. We will always be best friends.
Charles: You hear that, Bill? Nobody likes you!