Charles: Cluck, cluck! Gobble, gobble! Guess who just came from the P.S. 321 Thanksgiving Parade?
Jake: Charles, you actually might-
Charles: Who's Charles? I'm Tommy Gobbler. And I'm stuffed with Thanksgiving happiness! Gobble, gobble!
Jake: Seriously, Charles-
Charles: Uh-uh, I warned you! I'm Tommy Gobbler, you silly pilgrim.
Jake: Okay, Tommy Gobbler.
Charles: There you go!
Jake: These are the Davidsons. They want to know what happened to their missing grandmother.
Charles: I have some deeply tragic news for you.

Jake: Attention, Nine-Nine. We have an announcement.
Charles: "Shrek Live" is coming back to Broadway!
Jake: Nope, you dreamed that.
Charles: Aw.

Charles: I mean, the problem is, we only have one fax machine, and it takes four minutes per page. It's Logjam City, Jake. Logjam City!

Jake: Guys, what the hell is going on?
Hitchcock: Hitchcock and Scully saved the day.
Amy: No, you plugged ten fax machines into one outlet and caused a fire.
Scully: But I pointed to the fire extinguisher and was like, "The fire extinguisher's over there."
Charles: You pointed at the toaster oven!

Jake: Charles, tell us everything we're doing tonight.
Charles: Well, that could take a long time. I've been planning this bachelor party for ten years.
Jake: But I met Amy eight years ago.
Charles: What does she have to do with this? JK. I'm happy for you both.

Charles: I am so sorry we yelled at you. But we will take those sundaes to go. And I don't care if you don't have a lid. Y'all make a lid.

Charles: There's no need for Holt to see me unleash the beast.

Jake: You know, just put on a leather jacket and become a badass. You also need a chunky bracelet with fringe.
Charles: Wrong. Ever since Rosa gave me this baby, people have been treating me like I'm cool. The girl at the coffee shop even got the name on my cup right. It says "Charles," not "Cassie."
Amy: You know, I think it's ess about the jacket and more about the fact that you're feeling confident. Maybe this cool version of Charles was in there all along.
Charles: Amy, I love you, but that's insane. It's a magic jacket.

Jake: Okay, fine. I will let one of you help me Charles.
Charles: Yeah!
Jake: And I am choosing Charles because he's the least likely to steal my thunder.
Charles: I would never steal his thunder. I-I'd be afraid to borrow it.

Charles: A lot of infighting. Not too late to ditch Amy and team up with this pussycat burglar.
Captain Holt: Please, Boyle, your only value was you had a doppelganger which no longer matters since Bill died in that accident.
Amy: RIP, Bill.
Sergeant Jeffords: So sad.
Charles: I can still be useful without Bill. No hole's too tight for these tiny tips. [everyone groans] For stealing stuff.

Charles: Anyway, thanks for coming with me to the funeral. I think we're all packed. I just got to go grab the coffin.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, why are you bringing the coffin?
Charles: I brought a coffin to my nana's funeral on a whim, and it was a big hit. So now, guess who's the coffin cousin?

Charles: It's just- Adoption is complicated. No matter how much I want to be, I'm not Nikolaj's real father.
Jake: Come on, Charles. Of course you are.
Charles: Well, that'll be up to him. And he may even change his mind about it throughout his life. I mean, all I can do is make him feel safe and give him as much love as I can.
Jake: Well, I think Nikolaj is very lucky to have you.
Charles: Nikolaj.

Charles: I don't know, sir. You didn't believe it when we told you the Disco Strangler died, either.
Captain Holt: And I was right. He was faking it.
Charles: Maybe she's alive.

Charles: So, I guess we all had great partners that we've completely moved on from.
Jake: Because yours died of old age?
Charles: He did.

Jake: All right. I guess this is happening. Touch gloves. Charles, it's been very nice being your friend. Terry, I'll visit you in prison. And... [bell ringing] Fight.
Charles: Strawberry basket!
Sergeant Jeffords: [groans]
Charles: Whoo, yeah! You mess with Grandma, you're gonna get the basket!
Jake: Charles, you punched him in the nards.
Charles: Yeah, Nana fought nasty. Now if you don't mind, I'd like those tickets.