Jake: NYPD! Open up! That's weird. The door's unlocked.
Charles: That's too bad. I love watching you pound one out.
Dr. Frederick Tate: Charles.
Charles: What? That was sexual? Which part?
Jake: All of the parts.

Charles: Well, you know who didn't think it was a good run? My daddy, Lynn Boyle. He's inconsolable.
Gina: Well, I'm sure he'll get over it.
Charles: No, Boyles don't "get over it." It becomes part of us. It lives within us. It eats us out.

Captain Holt: Well, how are you gonna find out what his real plan is? He's smart, and he doesn't talk to anyone but his family.
Jake: I was worried about that, too, but that's when I remembered: "The Godfather."
Charles: The Diane Keaton movie.
Jake: No one refers to it as that, but Charles is right, she is in it.

Charles: "Julia, we've never spoken-"
Jake: Mm-hmm, four words in, and it's already pretty bad for me.
Charles: "But your transfer to the Nine-Nine is a foolish one. They are a dysfunctional precinct commanded by a rancid old prune, Raymond Holt. But in recognition of your exemplary service, I will honor your wishes. Wuntch."

Charles: What? You don't need closet space. You have, like, one outfit.

Amy: It's happening. Put on your head.
Charles: Oh, with pleasure. I love disappearing into a role. I'm Argyle James Hopford, a bachelor bunny who's carrying out a scandalous affair with a local goose.
Amy: Shut up and put on your damn head!

Rosa: Hey, what's going on here? I didn't realize we had more questions to ask Mr.
Gotaro together.
Charles: Oh, we don't. I asked Mr. Gotaro all of them. Wait, hold on. "Gotaro." Isn't that a Andalusian name?
Mr. Gotaro: Yeah.
Charles: What a weird coincidence. Pardon me, Detective Diaz. Last night, I cooked up a ton of Andalusian baby eels.
Rosa: Unbelievable.
Mr. Gotaro: I love angula. I mean, it's impossible to find here.
Charles: Oh, not if you have a ton of disposable income and great credit, like I do.
I think you're gonna love these. I really buttered them up.

Jake: So how are you two feeling after your little boxing match?
Charles: My head hurts.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't feel my strawberries.
Jake: I meant more emotionally and less groinally, but listen, ever since I brought these tickets up, you guys have made my life absolutely miserable, but that ends now, because I've made a choice.
Sergeant Jeffords: Cagney is sick. We don't know how long she has.
Charles: We do know for Nikolaj. It's 36 hours.

Charles: I got to sound bad ass in case anybody watches the footage, capiche? Aah! Oh, I just spilled soup on the cam!
Rosa: Why do you have soup on a stakeout?
Charles: Oh, no. Crap! Oh, it's not turning back on. Do you think Sarge is gonna be mad that I spilled "fuh" on the cam?
Rosa: He definitely will if you say pho like that when you tell him.
Charles: I'm not gonna mispronounce it. Not while you're rolling.

Jake: Hey, Charles, nothing's happening on my MAR corner. Any movement at Sam's place?
Charles: No, I did, however, see a cool-looking dude in a ponytail on a Razor scooter. I have to admit, I like the look.

Charles: Now find me something I could use.
Jake: Never thought I'd have to say "a please would be nice," but okay. Oh, here we go. There are a bunch of messages about a warehouse in Crown Heights.
Charles: Crown Heights, that's where we're going.
Jake: Hey, Charles, that was a yellow light!
Charles: I proceeded with caution.

Charles: So, I guess we all had great partners that we've completely moved on from.
Jake: Because yours died of old age?
Charles: He did.

Charles: Why do we even have police horses anymore? We have motorcycles now. They're faster, cooler. They also don't get boners in the background of every photo of you and the mayor.

Charles: Look, I'm so sorry, but I don't think there's room for a third person on this case. Jake, we should work it solo.
Jake: Whoa, hang on there, Boyle. Let's not be hasty. I mean, Stevie's been tracking Ozerov longer than we have. And three heads are better than two.
Charles: Three's a crowd. Everybody knows that.
Jake: What about in "The Lion King," huh? When Jamone and Purboy became friends with Steemba.
Charles: That's not the names. It's Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa, but I appreciate you trying. It really is a perfect analogy.

Rosa: Well, that should keep him busy for a bit.
Charles: That was smart, but I don't think we should mess with Cheddar too much.
Rosa: Why not? He's an animal.
Charles: Animals can be very vengeful, Rosa.
Rosa: Is this about Lieutenant...
Charles: Of course it's about Lieutenant Peanut Butter.
Rosa: Yeah.