Jake: NYPD! Open up! That's weird. The door's unlocked.
Charles: That's too bad. I love watching you pound one out.
Dr. Frederick Tate: Charles.
Charles: What? That was sexual? Which part?
Jake: All of the parts.

Charles: Uh-oh, I know that strut. Little hip swing, playful butt bounce... Somebody made a collar!
Jake: Not loving you talking about my butt bounce, but, also, hell, yeah, someone collared a big dog!
Charles: Woof, woof!

Jake: Hey, donut holes. Don't mind if I do.
Eurgh! Fish? Fish donuts, Boyle? What is wrong with you?
Charles: It's takoyaki. I'm drowning my sorrows in octopus balls.

Deputy Chief Gerber: Detective Boyle, I just wanted to say congratulations. Your medal was well deserved.
Charles: Thank you, sir. Your breath is terrible.

Charles: Rosa, I think you're nervous.
Rosa: Of course I'm nervous. What did you think was wrong?
Sergeant Jeffords: We just assumed you were a terrifying human being with a short fuse.
Charles: But if the problem is that you're nervous, that's where Charles Boyle lives, baby.

Charles: Okay, this is Ethel Musterberg from the Prospect Heights senior centre. There was an ID card in her back pocket.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why was your hand in her back pocket?
Jake: Well, she told me she didn't have any ID, and unlike Boyle my first instinct was not to caress her butt.
Charles: Frisked. I frisked her butt!

Charles: Light and breezy is how you describe a linen pant-suit. Not a relationship you care about.

Charles: I thought he was faking it. I wanted to splash the lies out of him.

Charles: Bye Rosa. I mean, not "bi," but bye! I mean, see ya! I mean, have fun only having sex with men. Just bangin' dudes, left and right.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry about your hand.
Charles: Thanks. It makes it really hard to manipulate my egg sack.

Jake: I got the files. I told you it would work. Wait, what's wrong?
Charles: They formed a line, Jake. They formed a line.

Charles: Hit him in his fat, rosy cheeks.
Jake: Oh, that felt wrong.

Charles: "Bouche Manger?" Oh, small plates, casual chic ambience, no free soda refills. Oh, Jakey's going on a date.

Charles: You know some jobs take brains, some jobs take muscles, some jobs take dainty little fingers. Did I ever tell you I had to wear a woman's wedding ring?

Charles: You could eat off his shirt.
Captain Holt: Why would I ever eat off his shirt?