Charles: Ooh, did something awkward happen? I can probably relate. Dish, bish.
Jake: Rosa got dumped out of the blue because she cares so much about her job and doesn't spend enough time with Jocelyn. [Rosa punches Jake in the arm] Ow! There's no winning with you.
Charles: Oh, so you got dumped, and you didn't see it coming. Oh, brother, you are in Boyle Country. Here's what you're gonna want to do.
Sergeant Jeffords: Come on, Boyle.
Charles: Beg her to take you back, and don't be afraid to cry. I'm talking tears and snot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, no. They're running free. Everyone, cover up your worst physical attributes.
Charles: It's no use. They could always find new ones.

Jake: Guys? Guess who I just got off the phone with.
Charles: My cousin Pam.
Jake: What? No. Why would you think that?
Charles: You always seemed kind of jealous of my relationship with him, so I thought maybe you called him up to settle your differences.
Jake: I'm definitely not jealous of Pam. He owns a bird shop. I barely remember him.
Charles: You remember the bird shop.

Charles: Hey, Nikolaj, Daddy and Captain Holt need to talk. Why don't you go do some drawing? [to Holt] Oh, he loves doing art. He made a portrait of our dog Biscuit that had all of his surgical scars.

Charles: Nikolaj, no, that's important! I'm so sorry, sir. I don't spank him, but I will reprimand him in my own way. Niko. I love you.
Nikolaj: I'm so sorry, Daddy!

Charles: Hmm. We could live in Gruyere, the fondue capital of the world.

Charles: Shalom, partner.
Rosa: Dope.
Charles: And you thought Shlomo Ben-Yisrael wouldn't come through.
Rosa: No, I said the name and the costume were offensive, bordering on actionable.

Captain Holt: Now hand it over.
Kevin: I don't have it. I gave it to Amy.
Captain Holt: [GASPS] Santiago. You betrayed me as well?
Amy: You betrayed me first. You were working with Rosa this whole time.
Captain Holt: That wasn't real. I was always gonna stab her in the back.
Rosa: You were? What kind of person treats another human being like that?
Charles: You tricked me, Rosa! And then you shipped me to New Jersey!
Rosa: First of all, grow up. Second of all, how'd you get back here so fast?
Charles: If you get a box wet enough, it's very easy to bust out of it.
Jake: No one ask any follow-ups.

Charles: I knew I couldn't trust you, Rosa. That's why I was going to double-cross you with Bill. That's right, he didn't really die.
Bill: Hey, guys, you really thought I'd miss this year's heist? No way, I'm part of the squad.
Amy: No.
Rosa: Not true.

Jake: This is impossible. We'll never get him there.
Bill: So you guys need help moving a body? Thank God old Bill's part of the squad. I mean, assuming, I am part of the squad.
Jake: Yes, sure.
Amy: Totally.
Bill: Oh, yes, finally. I have somewhere to live.
Charles: What?
Bill: Meet me in the alley next to my shopping cart. It's the one with all the cans.
Rosa: Seems like his plan is just to put Terry in the shopping cart.
Jake: Correct. We'll take it.

Charles: Well, I'm Charles. I'm Jake's best friend.
Jake: Charles, he's serving three life sentences. No need to flex.

Jake: So, the tipster saw the Saturn parked out back and the woman at the desk said it belongs to the man in room 203. One "Larry Bird."
Charles: Obvious fake name.
Jake: Or is it so insane that there's no way it's fake? If you're trying not to draw attention, why not go with something like "John Smith?"
Charles: From "Pocahontas"? Uh, yeah. Way to fly under the radar. [laughs]

Jake: Sir, there you are. We've been looking everywhere for. Kevin says he hasn't heard from you all night.
Captain Holt: Yes, I've been sitting in my office wallowing in my hopelessness, and eating the saddest food known to mankind. Ice cream.
Charles: Oh, my god, he's Bridget Jones-ing.

Charles: I have an idea. So when my dad lost his flower shop, my Aunt Bruce-
Jake: Charles, we don't have time for a weird Boyle story right now. Just tell us your idea.
Charles: We make a scary hostage video where it looks like we're gonna kill C.J.
Jake: Ooh, I love that. Wait a minute. Your dad did that to save his flower shop? Was your aunt the hostage? What happened?
Charles: You said we didn't have time.
Jake: I didn't know it was the coolest story ever.
Charles: Oh, it is.
Jake: Well then, tell the whole thing and spare no detail.
Charles: Okay, so you know how Aunt Bruce can lactate on command?
Jake: Of course.
Amy: Guys.

Sergeant Jeffords: Could I have everyone's attention? I know it's my last day, and I've been in denial about it all week. And I still am. So, I'm giving this toast for no reason. Here's to nothing!
Jake: You okay there, Ter?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's just that, if I wasn't in denial, I would be so depressed right now at the thought of leaving all of you.
Rosa: Yeah, we'd be depressed too if anything was happening, which it isn't.
Amy: Right, and I'm not gonna say that no matter what precinct number is on your uniform, you will always be part of the Nine-Nine.
Sergeant Jeffords: It means so much to me you aren't saying that right now.
Charles: And I wanna say I'm not gonna miss you at all, you piece of crap. Good riddance.
Jake: Pretty sure you're misreading the game here, Charles.
Charles: Yeah. I see that now.