Gina: Plus, the toilet paper is triple ply.
Charles: It turns anyone's bottom into a VIP.

Charles: She's a vegan!
Rosa: What is going on?
Charles: You're right. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to know about her. And I got what I deserved: a vegan, a gluten-free vegan!

Marge: I know all your secrets. [snaps fingers] Boyle. You got a taste for fast food.
Charles: [giggles] Those aren't mine. I only eat locally-sourced meats. They could be Terry's. He was fat once, you know?
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell, Boyle?

Charles: Nice job, Cortez. Oh, I touched her boob. I've got to tell Jake!

Amy: How did this guy even find out about the wedding? The stupid engagement announcement Charles put in the paper! It had the time and location of the ceremony.
Charles: Amy, be very careful about throwing around accusations like that, because if you're trying to say I somehow ruined Jake's wedding, then I'm gonna kill myself! So tread lightly.

Charles: Yes, okay, I'm Jacques Guillaume, and you are Henri Renault. We are cat burglars on vacation from France.
Jake: I love it although Henri went to an elite international school, so he does not speak with an accent.
Charles: Wow, nice, way to flesh out the characters.

Captain Holt: The question on the table is, do we add a velvet-voiced drunkard to our caroling group, or do we lose miserably like a bunch of miserable losers? I say we do it, and I'm the boss. Therefore, meeting adjourned.

Charles: Hey, is there anything on that tablet that will lead us to his toy?
Jake: I don't know, it's locked, but don't worry. Our tech guys will get it open in no time.
Charles: Pssh, I don't have time for those dorks.
Jake: What? But you love Ted and Craig. You fly kites with them every weekend.
Charles: They're good guys. Give me the damn tablet!

Charles: So what are you saying? I should let him spend time with Gintars?
Jake: I just worry that if you prevent him from knowing his birth father, that he'll build up some fantasy of him and then blame you for keeping them apart.
Charles: That's crazy.
Jake: The way that King Trident kept Ariel from exploring the surface.
Charles: Oh, my God, you're right. I'm driving Nikolaj into the arms of a sea witch.

Charles: Man, girls are so scary.

Rosa: Boyle looked up how to make desk yogurt.
Charles: Yes, I did, and I am thrilled with the results. Although the jar is really hot.
Jake: That's gross.

Charles: Jake and I are going on the coolest vacation ever. Official trip nickname AC/DC, Atlantic City Dudes Club.

Jake: Hey, check it out. Half packed suitcase. Looks like Bludsoe was planning a trip until he got interrupted by someone.
Charles: Or something.
Jake: Like what?
Charles: I don't know, I just thought it would help the intrigue.

Lieutenant Singh: I got us a motel room across the street. Meet me there in fifteen minutes.
Charles: I'll "meat" you all right. M-E-A-T.

Amy: Charles, you're in charge of food.
Charles: I've been planning a nuptial menu since the day I met Genevieve. Warning, it will be delicious and highly erotic.
Rosa: Your menu is not gonna involve animal genitalia, is it?
Charles: No, I was gonna make ... not that.