Charles: You know, a little competition might bring out the best in both of you.
We'll hold auditions this afternoon. I'll prepare sides. Please wear clothes you can move in.

Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell, man? I was just getting started.
Charles: And yet it felt like forever. You were playing at Alfonso, not with Alfonso. What are you doing right now, Sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: Listening to you?
Charles: Yes, listening. What humans do 95% of the time and Tyrone does, apparently, none of the time. I want you to go back in there and listen. Can you do that for me?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, okay, jeez.
Charles: I mean, you know, look, take the note about Tyrone or don't. What do I know? But also, I created him.

Charles: Why were you doing that?
Sergeant Jeffords: You said I should listen!
Charles: Well, listening doesn't always mean being quiet. Sometimes, the only way to listen is to say something. I'm listening to you right now. Do you see how I listen? This is me listening.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're pissing me off, Boyle!
Charles: Ah, and he's back! Hold on to that aggression. Yeah, go! Go, go, go!

Charles: Terry, Terry, Terry. I need you to help me see what I'm not seeing. Why can't you do this?
Sergeant Jeffords: You're giving me too many notes.
Charles: Okay, well, then I can boil it down for you into one note: Tyrone is an ocean.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know what that means.
Charles: It means I want you to be tough but vulnerable, brave but scared, jittery but perfectly still. Also, pace it up a little. Come on, buddy, you got this.

Charles: Jake, you seem distracted. You're agreeing with everything I say [gasps] We should go on a month-long couples' vacation: you, Amy, me, and my dad.
Jake: Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever.
Charles: And we should get matching hats that say, "Best Bud 1" and "Best Bud 2." And we should wear them all the time!
Jake: For sure.

Scully: I know that sound. That's the moaning of a man who left his lunch on the bus.
Charles: I didn't lose my lunch, you idiot. I lost my son!

Charles: Nikolaj is asking if Gintars is really his dad. I worked so hard to have him think of me as his father. And now it's all ruined. He'll probably go back to calling me what he did when I first adopted him: Mr. America.
Jake: I know you're upset, but that is a dope nickname.
Charles: I'm not Mr. America. I'm Daddy.

Pam: I'm Pam. I'm from next door. I was listening to the two of you talk and just had to get a look. [gasps] You're both very attractive.
Charles: [o.s.] Aren't they?
Jake: Boyle, go home!
Charles: Oh, Pam can stay but not me?

Charles: Ah, well, good luck. I'm sure you know all the best places to eat since you've reached Elite status on Yelp. Oh, wait, that was me.
Rosa: Oh, because Yelp reviewers are sane people with great taste?
Charles: Oh, sorry, couldn't hear you over GourmetGlen12 saying that my review of the duck skin at the Hearth and Feather was helpful.

Rosa: Where the hell did Jocelyn go?
Charles: Elevator. Tears and snot.

Captain Holt: I also wanted to say I was wrong to imply that you didn't know what was best for him.
Charles: Oh.
Captain Holt: You're an exceptionally supportive parent, and I wish my father had been more like you.
Charles: Thank you for saying that. And sir, nothing would make me prouder than being your big daddy.
Captain Holt: Well, we're off track now. So, uh, good day.

Charles: I never thought I'd say this, but enough foreplay. Are we heisting or not?

Jake: Welcome one and all to the first ever Cinco de Mayo Halloween Heist 6! We're still working on the title.
Charles: No need, I love it.
Jake: Thank you, Charles.

Jake: Okay, this is official getting hard to track. Who has the bracelet now?
Captain Holt: Santiago.
Amy: Yeah. And no of you are getting it.
Jake: We'll see about that.
Amy: [TASER CRACKLING] [GROANS] What the hell?
Jake: Remember that very fancy Swiss pen I got you for Christmas, the one that you keep in your pocket at all times? It's a taser, bro.
Amy: [BEEPING] Uuugh.
Jake: I'll take that. Amy, do not make me tase you again.
Amy: No, no, no, no, don't. I'm pregnant.
Jake: What?
Amy: I just found out. It's a girl.
Jake: Oh, my God.
Charles: Oh my God, it's happening. Quick, someone get a reaction video of me becoming an uncle!

Captain Holt: What's going on, Kelly? Why is your assistant submitting tips?
Jake: Because they already had the information. The tips aren't coming from the public at all.
John Kelly: Oh, cool theory. But if I already had the information, why am I pouring so much money into developing this app?
Jake: To hide where you're getting it.
Charles: Because you're using illegal wiretaps or something.
John Kelly: You got me! [laughs] You guys are good. I just love how you ping pong off each other.
Captain Holt: This is blatantly unconstitutional. I'm going to the press.
John Kelly: Yes, you should. But first, do you know what a stingray is?
Charles: Of course we know what a Stingray is. Tenderest meat in the ocean.