Charles: Okay, between us, I think we made enough broth.
Sergeant Jeffords: Did you edit the presentation like I asked?
Charles: You mean did I remove the tasteful photos of me stretching?
Sergeant Jeffords: They weren't tasteful! You were in a thong.

Charles: Okay, okay, you take the perp back to the precinct. I'll stay here with her.
Jake: Are you sure?
Charles: Just remember to tell your son what Chee-Chee did here tonight.
Jake: How you feeling about Chee-Chee having said it out loud a few times?
Charles: I am loving it!

Jake: What happened?
Russ: She shot me! She shot me in the leg.
Dotty: You made a sudden motion.
Russ: I sneezed!
Jake: Okay, Dotty, what do you have a gun for?
Dotty: To protect myself. Cops are all wimps now. [mockingly] My wife is having a baby and I have to be there to brush her hair.
Jake: I wasn't gonna brush her hair.
Charles: You weren't?

Charles: Yes! I made number two! I hear it. Why would I ever say that?

Charles: I love it when you talk broth.

Charles: What are you doing? Holt said you didn't have to come in. You don't even come in on days you have to work.

Rosa: I look like Aresenio.
Charles: So it's perfect?

Charles: Wedding's off and this is what I'm like now. Life is a pit.
Gina: Excuse me. I don't understand. Did you already have a Matrix get-up at home for some reason?
Charles: No, Gina. I bought this with the money I was going to spend on our honeymoon to Cape Canaveral.

Charles: I was at the grocery store buying goose feet for Nikolaj's dinner.

Jake: Hi-do-ho there, Charlie old boy. Come have a seat.
Charles: Beanbags? But these are happy seats. Why are you happy? Oh, my God, you figured out how to save the precinct. [gasps] You got a juicy case. You juiced this mama.

Amy: Charles said he loved them.
Charles: I'm a text-book people pleaser. I have a serious problem.
This was great, though. You must be so proud.

Charles: Oh, I think I swallowed a bunch of stranger hair. Ugh!

Gina: You tried both pies, you know mine is better. But you're scared to tell Rosa because you're into her.
Charles: What? That is not true. Okay. I don't even like food.
Gina: What?
Charles: Who's Rosa? You're the scared one!

Jake: And Boyle, as requested, you will be the deuce. Although, I still think you should reconsider that codename.
Charles: No. Deuce. It's like ace but twice as cool.
Jake: It is not. It's a turd.

Charles: Gina and I are casual lovers.
Jake: Urgh.
Amy: Yeuck.
Gina: Eww.