Charles Quotes Page 59 of 60

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Quote from the episode Lights Out

Jake: I'm gonna miss the birth of my son.
Charles: No, you're not. Look, I didn't want to have to do this, but there is someone I can call.
Jake: Who?
[later:]
Charles: Hello, Peanut Butter. I know we don't see eye-to-eye. But we gotta put that behind us because my friend here...
Jake: Charles, the horse was a great idea but we don't have time for you to have a heart-to-heart with it.
Charles: Sorry, I'm just very emotional, Jake. Take care of my friend, you four-legged bastard!

Quote from the episode Yippie Kayak

Charles: Yippie kayak, other buckets!
Jake: Boyle! You did it! And you completely botched the catchphrase.
Charles: I'm pretty sure it was right.
Jake: No, but you did great.

Quote from the episode Blue Flu

Doctor Mintleman: Now, that is interesting.
Charles: Oh, did you find a sign of mono?
Doctor Mintleman: No, it's your testicle.
Charles: My what?
Doctor Mintleman: The left one is enormous.
Charles: Oh, well, can't one testicle be larger than the other?
Doctor Mintleman: Well, yes, but it shouldn't be that large. And also of concern is the shape and the color...
Jake: [listening outside] Yeah, that doesn't sound good.
Doctor Mintleman: And the texture. Wow! Oh, that is ice cold!

Quote from the episode Blue Flu

Charles: So...
Jake: So...
Charles: You heard all that?
Jake: I did.
Charles: Even the part where he's talking about my huge...
Jake: Yep. Yep, yep, yep. All the parts. You okay?
Charles: Yeah. I mean, could be cancer. Might have spread. But I'm fine. I can handle this.
Jake: You sure about that? 'Cause you're still wearing your hospital gown there, bud.
Charles: So I am.

Quote from the episode Blue Flu

Jake: [on the phone] No, Operation Fork is definitely not cool. Uh, yeah, things are going good here. We're just staking out the doctor and trying to keep a low profile. [Charles plays music]
♪ And I'll be your brightest... ♪
Jake: [stops music] Sorry about that. Just had a bit of a noisy neighbor. [Charles resumes music]
♪ I'll be... ♪
Jake: You know what, sir? We have another noisy neighbor. I'm just gonna call you back. Bye. [stops music] All right, Charles, I get it. You're scared. But sometimes it helps to say our fears out loud. You know, if you put words to them, it can take away some of their powers. So come on. Stop bottling up those fears and get them out in the open.
Charles: Okay, well... [sighs] I'm scared that whatever's in my testicle has spread and that I'm gonna die. And then I'll never get to see Nikolaj grow up. And I won't know what kind of man he becomes. Also, my time with you will be cut short. No more stakeouts or drinks after a long shift or midnight calls when you've had a breakthrough in a case. I've always had this image of us in our 90s hunting down criminals at the retirement home. But I guess that was just a dumb fantasy... because soon I won't be here anymore... because I'll be dead and gone and you won't ever see me again. Jake, are you crying?
Jake: [crying] No. Yes.

Quote from the episode Balancing

Charles: Jake, I think I figured something out about the toolbox.
Jake: Toolbox?
Charles: Franzia sent me a toolbox. It turned out to be a puzzle. It was so boring.
Jake: Charles, it wasn't boring. I know what you're doing. Just tell me what happened.

Quote from the episode PB & J

Jake: Okay, well, there's clearly only one way to settle this.
Charles: Ignore him and take him directly to prison.
Jake: A high-stakes trivia contest to decide who's the better friend.
Charles: What?
Jake: If I win, you agree not to try and escape.
Doug Judy: But if I win, you agree to let me go.
Jake: Deal.
Charles: That is a bad idea. I cannot let you take this risk, Jake.
Jake: It'll be just like game night at the Camden Senior Center. You can be Estelle Minderman.
Charles: She's my favorite emcee. Damn it, I'm in! [horns honking]
Jake: Charles!

Quote from the episode The Set Up

Sergeant Jeffords: I didn't do it! Boyle must have!
Charles: I would never do that. This is just what happens when you order candy from a candy child and not a candy man.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'll show you a candy man. [throws apple]
Charles: Hey, what the hell? Oh, you picked the wrong guy to get in an apple fight with.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why is that?
Charles: Because I was MVP of my fast-pitch softball summer camp.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wow, I'm so scared...
[Terry is knocked down by an apple Charles threw at his head]
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh! Ow.

Quote from the episode Game of Boyles

Jake: The person who killed Pappy wasn't a person at all. It was Muffin. [all gasp] I checked her mouth, and Muffin had the same ulcers that Pappy had.
Muffin ate the poison, and then Pappy drank her milk.
Sergeant Jeffords: Charles, you said nutria could open doors. Muffin must've let herself into the barn.
Jake: Which explains why we found her hair on the box.
Charles: So Lyndon was innocent.
Sam Boyle: Wait, how did you know it was Muffin's hair? Did you get the DNA report back?
Jake: Exactly.
Charles: Wait, but I thought the report was gonna take a week because of the lab tech's allergies.
Jake: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. But then they decided to use a subcontractor who was allergy-free, so let's just move on and talk about something else immediately.
Charles: Three "uh-huh's"? Clearly you're lying about something.
Jake: Why you being a jerk to me?
Charles: Show me the report, Jake.
Jake: Okay, fine. But just look at the top result 'cause that's all that matters. "Specimen hair was rodent in nature." And that's that.
Charles: Oh, my God. I'm not a Boyle. [all gasp]

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Shaheen and Dunn, you're on the Prospect Park tagger. Gates, Nahar, remember to check in with Forensics. Boyle, Larkin, I want you working the J Street Axe murder.
Detective Larkin: Ooh, we're the butcher bimbos.
Charles: No.
Detective Larkin: The butcher babes.
Charles: Nope.
Detective Larkin: Detective Boyle and his little butcher buddy.
Charles: Oh, I like that.

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Charles: Yes! I made number two! I hear it. Why would I ever say that?

Quote from the episode Full Boyle

Charles: I love it when you talk broth.

Quote from the episode 48 Hours

Charles: What are you doing? Holt said you didn't have to come in. You don't even come in on days you have to work.

Quote from the episode Old School

Rosa: I look like Aresenio.
Charles: So it's perfect?

Quote from the episode Charges and Specs

Charles: Wedding's off and this is what I'm like now. Life is a pit.
Gina: Excuse me. I don't understand. Did you already have a Matrix get-up at home for some reason?
Charles: No, Gina. I bought this with the money I was going to spend on our honeymoon to Cape Canaveral.

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