Jake: Look, sir. There's a triple-murderer loose in Brooklyn, and it's our job to bring him in, even if that means forgiving a guy who stole some cars, and, yes, sold a few cats as dogs.
Doug Judy: More than a few. Weird how many people fell for that.

Jake: How do I look? Like I'm about to buy a bunch of expensive art?
Doug Judy: Hell, yeah. And not just paintings either. You look statue rich.

Doug Judy: Oh, my God, Jake, are you saying what I think you're saying?
Jake: Yes. You have a copycat.
Doug Judy: I didn't think I'd accomplished enough in my career for this.
Jake: I know, it's big.
Doug Judy: It just feels so good to be seen, you know?

Doug Judy: My mom's car is here. She's home. Can I take these cuffs off?
Rosa: No way.
Doug Judy: She doesn't know I'm a criminal. She thinks I own an architecture firm with all white employees.
Jake: That's racist.
Rosa: Why stop there? Why not tell her you're an astronaut?
Doug Judy: 'Cause space is scary. You saw what it did to Sandy Bullock.

Jake: "Back in the game. When can we meet?"
Doug Judy: Damn, you're a good assistant. I could get used to this.
Jake: How long till he usually gets back to you?
Doug Judy: Like ten minutes. Chill, mangy.

Doug Judy: Oh, one last thing. Diaz has to be nice to me. I want her to call me big sugar.
Jake: Ha, hugh mistake, bud. She'll never agree to that.
Rosa: No, I'm in. Let's do this, big sugar.

Rosa: All right, big sugar. Four-star hotel room, you happy?
Doug Judy: Okay, okay. Okay, flat screen TV. King-sized bed. Hangers you can take off the rod? This is what's up. This place is nice. We should settle down here, Rosa. Now if y'all excuse me, I'ma go freshen up. I'm feeling stanky.

Doug Judy: I'm so glad you called. Thanks for meeting me at my favorite establishment.
Jake: A place where you paint pottery?
Doug Judy: I find a hand-painted mug makes a thoughtful gift for any occasion.

Doug Judy: So all is forgiven?
Jake: No! Why didn't you invite me?
Doug Judy: I wanted to, but a lot of people in my life are crooks and they think it's weird that I'm friends with a cop. They just don't understand. Kind of like... parents?
Jake: No, no more songs.

Mark Cuban: Doug Judy!
Doug Judy: Cubes! My man. Sean, I'd like you to meet the man whose private jet we are flying on today.
Jake: Yeah, you're Mark Cuban. How do you guys know each other?
Mark Cuban: Doug came on "Shark Tank" to pitch his idea for the Smush Shush.
Doug Judy: It's a noise-cancelling blanket for secret sex. The product demonstration did not go well.
Mark Cuban: Robert fainted. Anyway, enjoy the jet. Just bring it back in one piece, okay?
Doug Judy: No promises, Mark Cuban.
Jake: I mean, we do wanna make sure the airplane stays in one piece though, right?
Doug Judy: Nah, I saw, "Flight." If anything goes wrong, fly the plane upside down.
Jake: Oh, right, I forgot about "Flight," the movie, "Flight."

Jake: This jet is insane. There's a private chef that'll make anything you ask for, no matter how expensive. I just ordered lobster enchanté.
Doug Judy: Oh, damn, what's that?
Jake: I don't know. I just said the fanciest words I could think of.
Doug Judy: Oh, I'm gonna get the Veal Prime Minister.

Chuck: It's just weird that none of us have ever heard of him before.
Nathan: And we're paranoid because Doug still has that cop friend in the NYPD.
Doug Judy: That dude is not my friend.
Jake: Yeah.
Doug Judy: He dumb as hell.
Jake: Yeah.
Doug Judy: I'm always tricking him.
Jake: Well, not every time.
Doug Judy: Plus, he's short.
Jake: Everyone's short to you. You're a giant.
Doug Judy: Probably never even had sex.
Jake: Seems unlikely. He's an adult. But the point is, I'm Sean. Tall Sean.

Jake: Hey! Hey there, friends. I tried to flag down your taxi as you were leaving the police station. It was actually funny, 'cause we made a lot of eye contact, but you just drove off. Anyways, I'm here now. We can go.
Doug Judy: You want us to take you back to New York after you got my friends arrested?
Trudy Judy: Nuh-uh, you flying commercial, son.
Doug Judy: I hope you get a middle seat.
Trudy Judy: I hope they charge you for your carry-ons.
Doug Judy: I hope you sit next to someone chatty.
Trudy Judy: Someone going through something real hard.
Doug Judy: I hope the pilot makes an announcement during the emotional climax of the movie you're watching.
Trudy Judy: Ooh, you nasty!
Jake: Damn, Doug and Trudy Judy.

Trudy Judy: Wait, we destroyed your phone. How did you call for backup?
Jake: That was actually easy. When Doug was distracted, yelling at the concierge, I swapped out my waterlogged phone for his.
Doug Judy: Damn, I would have noticed that if I wasn't trying to live in the moment and not look at my phone so much.

Doug Judy: But, there is one detail you missed. You never saw what I was painting on the inside of my mug at the pottery place.
Jake: "Will you be my best man"? Judy, is this for real?
Doug Judy: It ain't fiction.... [singing] Just a natural fact
Jake: What!
Both: [singing] We come together 'cause opposites attract
Jake: I'll do it! [both shout]
Both: [rapping] Awww... I'm MC Kat on the rap, so Mic it Here's a little story and you're sure to like it
Jake: The worst rap!