Jake: But what about your job? What about Dustin from "Stranger Things"?
Doug Judy: Famous kids are monsters. You do not wanna meet Young Sheldon.
Jake: Really? Ah, that's disappointing. He was so good in "Big Little Lies". Wait, no, we are not talking about this right now!

Jake: All right, here's the plan. We're gonna leave you alone on stage and dangle you as bait.
Doug Judy: Damn! Bait dangling?

Jake: You wanted to talk to me?
Doug Judy: Keep those hands in the air. And wave 'em like you just don't care.
Jake: What?
Doug Judy: I'm just messing with you, Peralta. Put your hands down, give me a hug, baby.
Jake: Judy!

Doug Judy: Look, I wasn't lying though. Halloway was gonna hurt her and you saved her life, but then I was all alone with the diamonds, next thing I know, I'm hot wiring a car and driving away.
Jake: Oh, but I thought you liked being a good citizen? You voted Ed Breakfast for school board.
Doug Judy: And he immediately had a sex scandal. It was very disillusioning.
Jake: For sure. Our democracy is crumbling.

Jake: So, what's next for you, Doug Judy?
Doug Judy: I'm turning over a new leaf. Gonna live that honest life. Maybe open up a bakery, buy a little house, invest in my retirement.
Jake: You're gonna go back to stealing cars immediately, aren't you?
Doug Judy: That's very much on the table, yeah.

Jake: Should we get lunch?
Doug Judy: I would love a cheesesteak.
Jake: I was thinking the exact same thing, probably 'cause-
Both: The coffin looks like a hoagie roll.

Jake: Wait. The only way to catch a copycat is to team up with the original criminal.
Doug Judy: I'm back on the force! Give me a gun.

Sergeant Jeffords: There is no copycat. You did it.
Doug Judy: Not me. I'm living that straight life.
Jake: Terry refuses to believe it. He thinks people can't change.
Doug Judy: Tell that to Bruce Banner's pants and shirt.
Jake: That's what I said.

Jake: Now, Doug-
Doug Judy: You never call me Doug.
Jake: Yeah, well, you called me Jake earlier. I thought we were switching to first names.
Doug Judy: I was thinking the same exact thing! I was like, "Why not call him Jake?" We're bonding, man. 'Cause he's so official.
Jake: But it's chill now.

Trudy Judy: I can't believe you made us think you were dead.
Doug Judy: I can't believe you're out here stealing cars. That's for lowlifes.
Trudy Judy: You steal cars.
Doug Judy: And I'm a lowlife. A gorgeous, charming, super smart lowlife beloved by all.

Jake: Guys, if you weren't working together, how did she know all your signature moves?
Trudy Judy: I found some of Doug's old notebooks.
Doug Judy: Those are notes for my memoir.
Jake: Memoir? Do you have title ideas yet?
Doug Judy: I was just gonna call it "The Pontiac Bandit"...
Jake: Oh, is that it?
Doug Judy: Yeah.
Jake: Okay.

Trudy Judy: I hated stealing cars. I was gonna stop as soon as nursing school was paid off, I swear. It was a mistake.
Doug Judy: That's good enough for me. Come on, Trudy, let's go home.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not really how arresting works. She's going to jail.

Doug Judy: Doug Judy here. Y'all see that car blow up?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, we did. Why did you do that?
Doug Judy: You think I did that? Doug Judy does not work with fire.
Jake: Yeah, he's like the Hound from "Game of Thrones."
Doug Judy: I am like the Hound. And you're my Arya.
Jake: Right?

Jake: Hey. What's going on?
Rosa: Just picked him up on a dozen counts of identity theft.His name is Doug Judy. You ever seen him before?
Jake: No.
Doug Judy: [singing] Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. Oh, yeah. Beautiful Rosa.
Rosa: I think he's into me.

Rosa: Before we go any further, we need to know if you're for real. Describe the guy.
Doug Judy: Asian dude.Maybe 5'8 ", spiky black hair. Rocks in both ears. Always wears a black suit. And speaks with a British accent. Like my girl, Dame Judi Dench. I have impeccable taste.