Captain Holt: That was horrible.
Hitchcock: Because I didn't get a chance to rap. Pop, pop, droppin' bodies It's a stickup you punk a-
Captain Holt: No, Hitchcock, there's no rapping. You've grossly misread the situation.

Hitchcock: You can't boss me around. I'm the greatest detective in the history of here. Mr. Nine-Nine, out.

Gina: What are you saying, Terry? You think I can't handle being back yet? (CHUCKLES) Watch this. (Gina dances to Salt 'n Peppa's "Push It" in a stilted, robotic manner while screaming in agony)
Hitchcock: Gina Linetti is back, baby!

Hitchcock: We brought you a little gift. I had to guess on cup size.
Rosa: Just gonna burn that for you.
Amy: Thank you.

Jake: Oh. What are you guys celebrating?
Scully: Terry was mad at us, but we didn't know what he was talking about, and he went away.
Hitchcock: Huge day.

Jake: What do we know? Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis has a man in the FBI.
Sergeant Jeffords: And he tried to have Pimento killed.
Hitchcock: And I cut my other cheek.
Jake: How? I took the knife away from you.

Captain Holt: I saw what you did this morning when you deduced the contents of my bakery box. Impressive. Now I need to use your skills to find my pie.
Hitchcock: It's about time you came to us.
Scully: Here's what we need from you. A list of the pie's ingredients.
Hitchcock: We're looking for anything that might linger on someone's breath.
Scully: We need surveillance footage from the water fountain, the crumb consistency was dry. Whoever ate it's gonna be thirsty.
Hitchcock: Now what kind of crimped edge are we dealing with here? U-shaped or V?
Captain Holt: I don't know.
Hitchcock: Well, then get on the damned phone and find out.

Sergeant Jeffords: I hope they take that container of bugs with them when they go.
Rosa: Wait. The container's here? I have an idea. All I need is some blood.
Hitchcock: This is fresh.
Rosa: Oh. Terrible, yet perfect.

Charles: You guys thought you could keep a secret from me? Well, I know everything. Hitchcock left his phone in the bathroom again, and guess what I found on it.
Hitchcock: I needed the cash. I didn't know they'd be filming.

Amy: Does anyone have a good lawyer?
Hitchcock: I got a divorce guy, an alimony guy, a slip and fall guy, a pizza's too hot guy.

Rosa: How is that possible?
Sergeant Jeffords: He's been here 20 years longer than me, and New York City in the '80s was basically "The Purge."
Hitchcock: I always knew I was the best cop in the Nine-Nine, and now there's proof. [puts his foot on his desk, landing on a plate of spaghetti] Oh, man! My pasghetti!

Scully: Hey, we heard there's a hot dog in here.
Rosa: No. Jake lied for no reason.
Hitchcock: That son of a bitch!

Hitchcock: Here's the big one: just lie flat on your back. Women love to do all the work.
Amy: Ugh.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's very incorrect, and I don't need sex tips.

Jake: Which once again begs the question, what happened to those guys? I mean, when did it all fall apart?
[cut to young Hitchcock and Scully at Wing Slutz]
Young Scully: Hey, Donna, just want to make sure you're okay here working at Wing Slutz.
Young Marissa Costa: Yeah. It's a good job, and I'm excited about my new life. Thanks.
Young Scully: Our pleas. Well, we're gonna go hit the gym for the second time today.
Young Marissa Costa: Wait. You need some protein to fuel those hard bodies. It's on me.
Young Hitchcock: Ah, what the heck. One wing can't hurt.
[Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" playing]

Jake: Guys. I have a great idea for a prank. Before Holt comes in, I'm gonna put ink on the podium where he puts his hands.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't think he'll fall for that.
Hitchcock: I did.
Jake: How? I haven't even opened this yet.
Hitchcock: I guess it's unrelated.