Jake: So let's just back up a second. When you say you're quitting, you mean quitting for, like, a couple of weeks, and then you'll come back Jordan-style with a new badge number?

Jake: I'm so sorry I brought Holt back here. I had no idea you were doing this whole "Die Hard" thing. Man, you really got the hair exactly right. Did you contact the onset hair stylist, Paul Abascal?
Amy: No, this is a wig.
Jake: Oh, that's cool too.

Jake: So here's what I'm thinking. We let Holt go, I have sex with Holly Gennaro but hotter. The squad handles the captain, or disbands, whatever, we have sex again-
Amy: Okay, stop suggesting that.

Jake: Now, what I want to say is-
Amy: Jake.
Jake: Coming Holly Gennaro.

Captain Holt: Listen, I'm on the next plane back, but I wanted to pay for you two to extend your stay so you can have a proper honeymoon.
Amy: Oh, sir, thank you. That's very nice, right, Jake?
Jake: Yeah, super cool. Just out of curiosity asking for a friend, where did you get the shirt, and how much did it cost?

Amy: That was magical. I can't believe we're back.
Jake: I refuse to accept it. I'm still coconuting. This is filled with coffee. It is very hot. Coconut is not a good insulator.
Amy: No, it's not.

Captain Holt: Peralta, Santiago, how was the end of the honeymoon?
Jake: It was amazing. Not to brag, but I saw a sea turtle.
Amy: Kind of sounds like you're bragging, babe.
Jake: I was. It looked right at me.

Amy: How'd it go here? Did you contact the mayor?
Captain Holt: Yes. I voiced my concerns as soon as I got back. He heard me out, and he's put John Kelly's "vigilant policing" initiative under review.
Amy: Way to go, No Hoots Holt.
Jake: Was Kelly pissed?
Captain Holt: Very much so. To retaliate, he closed the bottom floor of the Nine-Nine for renovations indefinitely. Everyone's been moved to our bullpen.
Jake: Wait. What? [elevator dings]
Captain Holt: Prepare yourselves. The Nine-Nine is at war with the NYPD.
Jake and Amy: Ay caramba.

Jake: Okay, let's set the scene. The year is 1986. "Top Gun" is crushing the box office, and the Beastie Boys have just been issued their "License to Ill."
Charles: And that's the year I got felt up for the first time under the shirt.
Jake: Always a big moment in a young boy's life.

Jake: Okay, Charles, you are letting your emotions cloud your judgment with Dragomir and with these guys. I mean, for all we know, Hitchcock and Scully have been playing us for years like criminal masterminds. [Hitchcock and Scully use the two-way mirror to check their teeth] Okay, so maybe not masterminds, but I'm still going in there and getting the truth.

Charles: What are we doing here, Jake? What are we even looking for?
Jake: Whatever it is that Hitchcock's trying to hide from us.
Charles: Well, I'd imagine he'd be hiding everything in here from us. It's a van of horrors.
Jake: Yeah, I know. I saw the bucket of male body butter, and her.

Jake: It won't budge. I can't believe we let Hitchcock and Scully get the drop on us. It's like being outsmarted by a couple of tomatoes.

Scully: Oh, thank God. I'm so tired of running.
Jake: It's only been an hour.

Jake: Hey, guys, I have something super important to tell you, but first, Scully, you have a Hitler sauce moustache.
Scully: Thank you. Go on.

Captain Holt: I'm gonna keep pushing back against John Kelly, but not at your expense.
Amy: Thank you, sir, and we're going to stop bickering with the upstairs people.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, Amy. We're all upstairs people now.
Amy: Thanks, Terry.
Jake: Mmkay. I clearly missed a whole thing there.