Sophia: What, you think John Adams was just some idiot?
Jake: No, I think John Adams was a mini-series I didn't watch because it looked like a book.

Jake: Holy Moses. He's alive.

Jake: I think your feathers are ripping. Gobble.
Charles: Gobble.

Jake: I knew you'd say that, which is why we have this. A list of things they have in common. We can use it to grease the conversation.
Amy: Ooh, convo grease. This is perfect. Okay, our dads both golf. Our mom's both paint. All four of them have hair.
Jake: Yeah, but that's bottom of the barrel stuff. We're not gonna have to use that.

Amy: I know. He's ruining the whole day.
Jake: [sighs] Yeah, but, you know, don't just blame my dad.
Amy: You literally just said he's the worst.
Jake: I know. It's okay when I say it. You have to pretend like he's cool. Those are the rules.

Victor Santiago: Your mom and Camila are on the way. They're still cleaning up all the blood.
Jake: Yeah, there was so much. They might have to move.

Amy: Oh, Jake, it's happening. The weird but good dad hug.
Jake: Oh, it's magical. Best Thanksgiving ever. Yep, Dad, your gown's riding up.
Amy: Oh.
Jake: It's out. It's out.

Rosa: Hey. Was that weird earlier?
Jake: You mean when Charles showed us those pictures of Nikolaj taking a very sudsless bath? Yes, it was uncomfortable.

Jake: This is nice. I can't believe you're buying me dinner.
Rosa: Oh, well, you really helped me today.
Jake: Did I? I felt like I sorta straight-splained how to come out to you.