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Quote from the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: Marshal Haas.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Greg.
[Jake arrives on his ATV, his engine revving]
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Larry.
Jake: I can't hear you. Can you hear me?
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: I cannot hear you.
Captain Holt: What did you say? We can't hear you.
Jake: I can't hear you; I think my engine's too loud.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: It's your engine. Turn off your engine.
Jake: I don't know how to turn off the engine. We should talk in your car.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Let's all talk in my car.
Captain Holt: Let's talk in the marshall's car.
Jake: I think we should talk in her-

Quote from the episode The Negotiation

Jake: Judy wasn't lying. That's Halloway. We gotta arrest him.
Doug Judy: Jake, he's running.
Jake: Come on, man.
Dennis Cole: Only if I get the collar and 100% of the credit.
Jake: Are you negotiating right now?
Dennis Cole: Always.
Jake: Okay, that was actually a really cool thing to say. All right, let's do it.

Quote from the episode The Favor

Jake: Yes, it's in the impound lot! My brain baby's a genius. It's a miracle.

Quote from the episode The Swedes

Jake: I hereby christen thee Snackie Chan.

Quote from the episode The Big House Pt.1

Charles: So, it sounds like you're isolated and haven't had any chance to make new friends.
Jake: Well, my cellmate, Caleb, is okay.
Charles: Just remember he's in prison. No matter how small the crime, people don't change and don't deserve second chances.
Jake: Charles, relax. I'm not gonna replace you.

Quote from the episode 99

Jake: So you risked everything to get me and Rosa out of prison? Oh, my God.
You did all of this for us? [EXHALES] I love you, Da-aptain. Daptain. It's the cool new way of saying Captain. It's from the world of hip-hop. Love you.

Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Sergeant Jeffords: Twain? Terry doesn't want a twained ticket to "Kwazy Kupcakes."
Charles: That's not how tickets work.
Sergeant Jeffords: You'd just be ruining them.
Charles: None of us would get in.
Sergeant Jeffords: Are you dumb?
Jake: No! All right, full disclosure. I was trying to do that Bible thing and then one of you was gonna take the high road and say that rather than see the tickets destroyed, you would just bow out, and then that person was gonna get the tickets.
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope. If I don't get them, no one does.
Charles: Agreed. Boyles or bust. Cut them up.
Jake: [sighs] I'm not gonna do that. I'm just gonna have to think of another way to figure this out. Stupid Bible with stupid lessons never solved crap!

Quote from the episode Bad Beat

Jake: Captain, do I have a tell?
Captain Holt: No, you don't understand the game well enough to have a tell.
Jake: Yeah, that makes sense.

Quote from the episode Cop-Con

Jake: Holt went to bed early 'cause his big speech is in the morning.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, how do you know he's in for the night?
Jake: Because his breakfast order is hanging on the doorknob. Water, comma, hot. Muffin, comma, English. And that means it's time for us to hard, comma, party.

Quote from the episode Hostage Situation

Jake: What is happening?
Captain Holt: I'm defusing the situation.
Jake: Whoa dancing captain. Must capture image of a lifetime! Oh, why is my phone always dead? I paid $13 for it!

Quote from the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: The plan was lure everyone to the Brooklyn Bridge and give you all gifts. So, here's yours.
Charles: Oh!
Jake: The dummy tubes just unscrew.
Charles: Okay. The most recent issue of Fancy Brudgom magazine?
Jake: You know how you always wanted them to do a Fancy Bedste Venner feature on us?
Charles: Yeah, but that's just for the fanciest best friends.
Jake: Turn to page 63.
Charles: Oh, my God, you didn't. You did! We're Fancy Bedste Venners!
Jake: We're Fancy Bedste Venners!
Both: We're Fancy Bedste Venners!

Quote from the episode Chasing Amy

Jake: Okay, fine, I'll be Amy. Just know everything I'm about to say, I say with love. [exhales sharply] Okay. I'm outside. It's 78 degrees and yet somehow I'm still cold. Better walk on the sunny side of the street. Wait, did I remember to put on sunscreen? Pause to think, pause to think. Yes, I did put on sunscreen, and I bragged about it all morning. Amy's on the move. And I'm walking, I'm walking.

Quote from the episode Return of the King

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Gina's prepping inside. You get some rest last night?
Jake: Yeah, because I got home from our 9:30 drinks at 9:41. I was in bed by 10:00. Then I looked at my phone for another two hours, so actually I didn't sleep very well.

Quote from the episode Coral Palms Pt. 3

Jake: I should probably get some body spray as well. What sounds better, Liquid Moan or Turnpike?
Captain Holt: We only have $17 to our name. We can't spend five of it on this.
Jake: I know, but I'm about to see Amy for the first time in forever, and I want to smell like a ... "hot New Jersey breeze," ugh.

Quote from the episode Bad Beat

Captain Holt: Now go get Valdano before you blow your covers. I'm off duty; what I do on my own time is my own business. Unlike you two who are still on the clock and are now being bad cops.
Jake: Wow, listen to you talking all smooth. But you can't fool us, sir. You might as well face it. You're addicted to math. Robert Palmer.

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