Jake Quotes Page 56 of 160

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Quote from the episode Moo Moo

Jake: That was actually really cool with Cagney and Lacey. I think we rocked it.
Amy: Right? I don't see what the big deal is about being a parent that was so easy.
Jake: Yeah, anyone who's ever complained about parenting has no idea what they're doing. [cell phone ringing] Mm. Hey, it's the sarge. Probably calling for some child-rearing tips. [on the phone] Parent of the year speaking. Terry, baby, talk to me.

Quote from the episode Moo Moo

Amy: I know, right? Check it out. Who was the first female congresswoman?
Cagney and Lacey: Jeannette Rankin!
Jake: Oh. That's fun. They won't get teased for that.

Quote from the episode Moo Moo

Jake: Hey, girls! Who's the coolest person you've ever met in your entire lives?
Cagney and Lacey: You are!
Jake: And who's the most handsome dude in all the land, even objectively more than Idris Elba?
Cagney and Lacey: You are!
Jake: Man, kids are awesome. You can tell them literally anything, and they'll just say it.

Quote from the episode Moo Moo

Sergeant Jeffords: Sharon can't pick 'em up 'cause she's out of town with Ava, and the sitter doesn't get to my house till 6:30.
Amy: Jake and I can pick them up.
Jake: Absolutely. Couple of issues I don't have any car seats, and my rear window is technically a "shower curtain".

Quote from the episode Ticking Clocks

Jake: We still haven't found the hacker, but the cyber guy is getting close.
Amy: Okay, let's check in with Holt.
Jenna Pazhley: Hold on to him, girl. He seems pretty sweet, and you guys are like both sevens.
Jake: Oh, come on.

Quote from the episode Ticking Clocks

Captain Holt: What is that?
Sergeant Knox: We just got an NOS ping from the first floor. The hacker is in room 103.
Jake: [gasps] Mama Magglione.

Quote from the episode Renewal

Captain Holt: We can't tell her. Things aren't settled. The brass is having a closed-door meeting today about our reform proposal, but apparently, the union is gonna claim that we fudged our numbers.
Jake: That's crazy. Amy would never fudge numbers. She loves numbers. Sometimes I think she loves them more than me. Stupid numbers, think they're so great. I'd love to see numbers give you a baby.

Quote from the episode Cop-Con

Jake: Ooh, look. It's a robot that can patrol an empty building all by itself.
[gasps] Oh, no, this is how it starts. It's Skynet all over again. Here, let's wait here a second and see if our future selves show up and tell us to destroy it. Nope. Looks like we're in the clear.

Quote from the episode The Last Ride

Charles: At least we had an awesome bust.
Jake: Yeah, we went back-to-back.
Rosa: You finally did the man sprinkler.
Jake: What? I never called it that.

Quote from the episode The Last Ride

Jake: Hey, guys, sorry we couldn't, you know, save the precinct.
Amy: Nothing to be sorry about. Your moral compass is on fire right now.
Jake: Okay, forget I said anything. This is better.

Quote from the episode The Last Ride

Jake: And hey, you'll get a cool, new partner too, right?
Charles: Eh.
Jake: He'll love fine dining and musical theater and hearing about every explicit detail of your sex life over and over and over.
Charles: Just like you.
Jake: Yeah, yeah, just like me.

Quote from the episode The Last Ride

Charles: You okay, Jake?
Jake: Well, aside from the fact that the Nine-Nine's hearing is in four hours and we're definitely getting shut down, no, I bruised my thigh.
Charles: It's gonna be just fine, Jake.
Jake: No, it isn't, Charles. It's on my right hip. I sleep on that side.

Quote from the episode The Last Ride

Jake: Hey, Bodie, you seem like a reasonable dude. Just let me win and I'll owe you big time. I really need this.
Bodie: I really need this, too. I haven't eaten in three days, and my bookie says if I don't pay him back he's gonna kill my dog.
Jake: Mm-kay that's very intense.
Bodie: Please let me win. Since my mom died, that dog is my only family.
Jake: I am so sorry. I shouldn't have engaged. It got way too real.
Bodie: I'm gonna lose everything!
Jake: Yep, putting on my helmet now.

Quote from the episode The Last Ride

Jake: So we get our perp to text this Dom guy, tell him to hire me to move his product. Then I show up, grind a bunch of gnarly rails. I'm talking real fluffy ones.
Charles: Radical. I bet you're an awesome fluffer.
Jake: No.
Charles: I bet you fluffed those other riders right out of their biker shorts.
Jake: Charles-
Charles: I can picture you as a teenager fluffing all of New York City.
Jake: Charles, stop talking. Fluffing has a different meaning.

Quote from the episode Ticking Clocks

Scully: Look at this bread. It's completely inedible. There's not even any soft parts in the middle we can pull out.
Jake: Title of your sex tape?

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