Jake: Whoa. I can't believe it went down like that.
Rosa: Should we maybe revisit some of our earlier ideas vis-à-vis tires and slashing?

Rosa: Anyway, they're both annoyed, and now I have to choose one of them, and I cannot make up my mind. It's insane. I never have trouble making decisions.
[cut to Rosa reading "Sophie's Choice:]
Rosa: Ugh. Choose the daughter.

Jake: Guys, guys, guys, check it out. Hitchcock fell asleep in the break room, so I put his hand in a bowl of warm water.
Rosa: Come on, man. That's the stupidest prank ever.
Jake: Uh, no, it's the smartest because it involves biology. I bet it worked already. Let's go check.
Jake: Hitchcock, no!
Scully: He's drowning, he's drowning!
Sergeant Jeffords: Save him, man!
Captain Holt: [grunts, gasps]
Rosa: I take it back, Jake. Great prank.

Rosa: So what are you gonna do? Slash his tires? You shouldn't do that, but just out of curiosity, what kind of car does he drive, and where does he park it?

Rosa: Well, it's early stages, but they both tagged me in a bunch of photos online, and they found out about each other.
Charles: Yikes.
Rosa: Yeah, I know. I shouldn't 'gram so much, but my brunch friends say it's the only way to promote my handmade jewelry line.
Charles: Brunch? What? Homemade who-
Rosa: Charles, focus.

Rosa: Gina, since you're leaving, I'd like to make a toast. Bye.
Gina: Oh, my God. That was perfect.

Amy: Why is the FDNY in our cop bar?
Rob Dulubnik: We needed a new place, since our bar, O'Brien's, burned down.
Charles: You couldn't put that out?
Rosa: They probably started it. Most arsonists turn out to be firefighters.
Rob Dulubnik: That's not true, though it is very common, and definitely what happened in this case.

Rosa: Why won't you print? Ah, screw this.
Jake: No, no, no, no! Not again! What is going on here?
Rosa: Stupid printer won't print out my stupid resume which means I can't send it to any decent stupid precincts when this stupid place shuts down.
Jake: That's not gonna happen. Why are you being such a Gloomy Gus?
Rosa: I'm a Realistic Randy.
Jake: Didn't go with Rosa, huh?

Amy: Rosa, anything you want to tell Jake?
Rosa: Yeah. Tell him I said- [raises head a little]
Amy: You want me to write that you nodded slightly?
Rosa: He'll know what it means.

Jake: Rosa! We gotta go up to Holt's.
Rosa: Is this not done yet? Ugh. Jocelyn leaves in eight minutes, and I don't want things to end like this.
Jake: Wow. Way to be vulnerable. I thought for sure you'd write her off the second she said she wanted to break up.
Rosa: Yeah, I did. She's dead to me.
Jake: Wait? Then why are you so anxious to get back up and talk to her?
Rosa: Because I have a plan. I'm gonna beg her to stay, change whatever it is I need to change, then once our relationship is stronger than ever, I'm gonna dump her ass so quick. It's gonna be brutal.

Jake: I'm so sorry, Gina. It should have been Charles on those skates.
Charles: This is why you should always roller-skate with a helmet and a mouth guard.
Rosa: Hey, don't blame the victim.

Amy: Someone tipped off Sergio that the cops were visiting his grandmother, and there was only one person that knew we were cops. That nurse who hates old people, Ezra.
Rosa: Of course. Never leave your money unprotected. That's the first thing I learned in business school.
Amy: You also went to business school?
Rosa: Yeah, and I also have a pilot's license. Whatever.

Charles: Rosa was my leading lady from the start. She's the only good actor here.
Sergeant Jeffords: She is?
Rosa: Yeah, you know nothing about my real life. I'm always acting.

Amy: Something has to be done, and I have a plan. We use mankind's greatest weapon.
Rosa: A grenade.
Amy: The written word.
Rosa: Ugh, I'm out.

Gina: Rosa, dare to dream. What do you want?
Rosa: For him to be gone.
Gina: You want that more than you want walls around your desk so Hitchcock can't stare at you with his big old google eyes anymore?
Rosa: C.J. stays. I love that guy.