Jenna Pazhley: Don't let her go. You guys, I used to have this boyfriend, Jason, then we broke up 'cause I got drunk at Spring Fling and passed out in a bush, and he took too long to find me, and now he's gone and it's like, there's no one to find me when I pass out in a bush.
Jake: I'm not sure that totally applies here.
Rosa: No, she's right. I can't let Jocelyn go. Can you handle this without me?
Jake: Yeah, it's under control. Go get Jocelyn back. Jocelyn Pryce.

Amy: Rosa, watching you try to open that door and fail again and again and again and again was inspiring. I was trying to teach you a lesson, and instead, you taught me a lesson.
Rosa: Great. What lesson is that?
Amy: There is nothing the human spirit cannot overcome. So Rosa Diaz, you are not quitting. You are gonna open that door because you are badass and you don't need help from anyone!
Rosa: Yeah. I'm Rosa Diaz.

Rosa: You know, some people say, "Mo money, mo problems," but those people are idiots. Money's amazing.

Captain Holt: I'm on the fence here. Diaz caught him. It's your call.
Jake: Look, this guy is for real. 1,000 push-ups.
Rosa: 1,000 push-ups?
Jake: Yes.
Rosa: Okay. I'm in.
Captain Holt: What's 1,000 push-ups?
Jake: Oh, we were in the academy together, and we hated all the drills, so now when we're on a case and one of us says 1,000 push-ups, it means I'm so sure I'm right that if I'm wrong, I'll do 1,000 push-ups.
Rosa: It's a pact we made. It really just means "trust me." And I do.

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake and Charles are not dead. It's worse than that. We have to do our annual HR seminar on workplace conflict tomorrow.
Amy: What? Already?
Sergeant Jeffords: I know. I know. These seminars are not exactly our favorite things.
Rosa: Question: if I get shot in the line of duty, can I miss it?
Sergeant Jeffords: Legally, you still have to make it up.
Rosa: Well, there goes that plan.

Captain Holt: Anyhow, you took a vacation 14 days ago, and yet, you already want another day off? Odd, unless you need it for a unique, once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Perhaps a proposal to your girlfriend Jocelyn.
Rosa: What?
Captain Holt: You've been dating for a year, you've met each other's parents, and you just got your nails done to present her with a ring.
Rosa: Jocelyn broke up with me.
Captain Holt: What?
Rosa: I want the day off so I can sit alone and listen to death metal and get my head right.
Captain Holt: But what about my nail polish solve?
Rosa: Getting my nails done made me feel better for a second.
Captain Holt: Ahh! This is a trick to throw me off. I bet things are better than ever and you... Oh. You really are crying.

Rosa: Shut up, Margaret! Same crap my parents pulled. Always pointing out my flaws, never helping and then bailing when things got messy. You know, I was a lot like you.
Margaret Fogle: You were holed up with a ton of cocaine and a bunch of guns?
Rosa: That's my business.
Jake: What?
Rosa: I spent years telling myself that tough love made me stronger, but you know what I really wish they'd done?
Officer Debbie Fogle: What?
Rosa: Been nice to me. I wish they would've told me I made a mistake, but they still loved me and they would help me try to figure it out. Would've saved me a lot of pain. Debbie, you have made some really bad choices today.
Margaret Fogle: Really bad.
Jake: Not now, Debbie's mom.
Rosa: You are not a bad person. If we get out of this alive, I promise you I will help you however I can.

Jake: So hey, one more thing. We can never let anyone know that we got beat up by Debbie Fogle.
Rosa: Agreed.
Jake: Take it to the grave?
Rosa: To the grave.
Jake: This conversation never happened.
Rosa: I don't even know who you are.
Jake: That's hurtful. You took it too far.
Rosa: That's a weird thing for a stranger to say. Bye.
Jake: Okay.

Jake: Anyhow, quick heist update. There's less than an hour left, and only two teams remain.
Rosa: Two?
Scully: My doctor said I'm at a grave risk for a shenanigan-related death, so I have to drop out.
Rosa: That's not fair. I should get a new partner. Terry, you want back in?
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope. I want my mango tango. Slurp, slurp.
Jake: Sorry, Rosa, if you wanna switch partners this late in the game, they have to have the same skill set as Scully.
Hitchcock: I'm available.
Rosa: Right, or... That filing cabinet kind of looks like Scully.
Jake: I see it. Same flat top. But if we really wanna make this a fair switch, it seems like you need to... start in the men's room.
Rosa: Come on.
Jake: Let the heist re-re-begin!

Sergeant Jeffords: Guys, stop it. We're supposed to be celebrating Rosa here, not fighting.
Rosa: No, no, keep fighting. It's why I did this. You know, technically, we all shared in Jake's first win, so this might be my fourth.
Jake: What? No.
Captain Holt: Yeah, that's a good point.
Amy: Oh, we also helped Holt win too.
Captain Holt: Oh, shut up, Santiago. Just shut up.
Jake: Excuse me?
Amy: Wow, shut up?
Jake: How dare you, sir.
Captain Holt: I won two times.
Jake: That is my wife.
[Rosa smiles]

Rosa: What's the contest?
Amy: It's an endurance competition. Everyone has to stand with one hand on the stroller, and if you let go, you're out. Last person holding on wins.
Rosa: Sounds painful. Can I come?
Amy: Aww. For moral support?
Rosa: Sure. That.

Rosa: All right, I'll compete for her.
Amy: What? You will? But I know you think these strollers are dumb.
Rosa: They are, but I can't let that boring bastard win.
Teddy: So we decided to paint the baby room white.
Rosa: I mean, you used to have sex with him.
Amy: I know.

Rosa: Teddy and I are the only ones left. I'm gonna win this no matter how much he talks about light rail systems.
Teddy: Ooh, you should ride the one in Akron, by the way. Very little noise.
Rosa: Oh, my God.
Teddy: Enough about light rails. Let's talk trams. Amusement parks get it.
Rosa: I can't, I can't, I can't...
Kevin: If more cities adopted amusement park...
Rosa: I can't, I can't. [gasps]. Oh, put your hands over your ears.
Amy: Oh no, wait, Rosa!
Gloria: Hands are off. We have a winner!

Gina: I'm 23, I'm a celebrity, and today, I'm gonna die!
Rosa: Not one word of that is true.

Charles: We can fill his locker with shaving cream and loose hair.
Rosa: I like it. I cannot believe that I'm considering a non-violent option.