Sergeant Jeffords: Stop flipping guinea pigs and get them out of here!
Rosa: I'll make 'em disappear, Lieutenant.
Charles: Oh! [chasing Rosa] Don't kill them. They have so much to live for. They haven't even been to Manhattan yet.
Rosa: Okay, coast is clear. I know a safe place we can hide these guys until we can find homes for them.
Charles: You're not going to murder them?
Rosa: Hell no. I love animals. I'm the mushy one on the squad.
Charles: Right, of course.

Charles: And this is the last one. We've rounded up all the guinea pigs.
Sergeant Jeffords: Not even close. Guinea pig. Guinea pig. Guinea pig. Guinea pig. What were you thinking, breeding guinea pigs at work?
Charles: We weren't breeding them on purpose. They're just very sexual creatures, and we didn't want to slut-shame them.
Rosa: Yeah. Sorry you're not more sex-positive, Terry.

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, so Holt's gum-covered business card is long gone. But I have a plan.
Rosa: Great, what's the scheme?
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, when I first moved in, I took a couple selfies to commemorate getting my own office.
Rosa: A couple?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, please. Like you don't have any selfies. Let me see your camera roll. Zero photos? That's so much weirder!
Rosa: Thank you.

Sergeant Jeffords: Anyway, look. If you zoom in enough, you can see the business card. We can recreate it and print a new one!
Rosa: Wait, does that say "Zeff Wilcox"?
Sergeant Jeffords: Zeff? No, it's probably Jeff. You know, like a normal human name.
Rosa: Names are all made up. There's no such thing as a normal name. "Terry."
Sergeant Jeffords: I am not putting "Zeff" on that card.
Rosa: It's your funeral.

Amy: I just got another call from the saddest ADA in the world. He's still pissed. Did Hitchcock and Scully get anywhere?
Rosa: Hard to say. Their file contains a lot of non-case related documents.
Amy: A bunch of menus?
Rosa: A cease and desist letter from TJ Maxx.
Amy: Multiple patent submissions for something called a "pillow shoe."
Rosa: An application for a time share in Figi.
Amy: You mean Fiji.
Rosa: No, Figi with a G. They're getting scammed.

Jake: All right, look, the point is, this year when we team up, there will be no betrayals because at the end of the day, we're all friends, and we love each other, and also you'll be handcuffed to your partner. If you undo them, you lose. Now, in each of these envelopes is a name. The last four champs will pick their partners, and, since I'm already up here, I'll just go first so...
Rosa: Nope. You've obviously rigged this to get the best teammate, but I'm not falling for that crap this time. So I am going to partner with... Scully. You know what? We are friends, best friends. Sorry I took your envelope.
Jake: No, no, no! It's too late. Boyle, cuff 'em.
Scully: It's okay, Rosa. I'm focused this year, and I'm more determined to win than ever. I also really have to go to the bathroom.
Rosa: Why didn't you say that before he put the handcuffs on us?

Rosa: Anyway, I knew Cheddar would be making an appearance.
Captain Holt: Oh, everyone loves to see Cheddar.
Rosa: He's here a lot. I never bring in Arlo.
Jake: Who?
Rosa: Exactly. I spent every morning for the last year giving Cheddar a taste for ham.
Captain Holt: Oh, so that's why he got so thick and ended up on "Chonky Pups."
Rosa: I submitted his photo. And once you put Cheddar on a diet, all I had to do was mark the gems with a little of that sweet ham taste.

Amy: Okay, I got you a coffee.
Rosa: Oh, thank you. Just need to put my left hand on the stroller. My right hand grabs the cup. My mouth do the sippin'.
Amy: What's happening?
Rosa: My broken brain won't talk to my body, so I'm doing it. Blink.
Amy: Rosa, you don't have to do this. You can stop.
Rosa: Snarl at Amy. [snarls]

Fireman Curt: Hey Diaz, heard you guys needed help from some real heroes.
Rosa: Please. Firefighters are basically just EMTs who all live together and sleep in bunk beds.
Fireman Curt: Correction. It's a professional, multi-tiered, shared sleeping set-up.
Rosa: You're describing bunk beds. Just get the people out of the elevator.

Rosa: We need to go to a hospital right now. I don't want a burst happening around me. It's way too gross.
Amy: I'm nowhere near giving birth. I haven't even lost my mucus plug.
Rosa: Amy, you need to get the [bleep] out of here.
Amy: I'm sorry my baby grosses you out, Rosa.
Rosa: I'm excited to meet your baby when it's clean and wearing clothes, and not blasting out of you like some half-Cuban Jimmy Neutron.

Jake: 'Sup, my guy?
Rosa: What?
Jake: Sorry. It's been a while. I forgot how we used to greet each other. Anyway, how's the cool new PI gig going?
Rosa: Eh, it's not that cool. I have a desk at a WeWork that I share with a Twitter comedian.
Jake: Oh, fun.

Rosa: Hey, everybody. I got your text. What's the big emergency?
Jake: We need to talk about Captain Holt's love life. [Rosa groans] Come on, you've missed being dragged into your coworkers' personal lives, admit it.
Rosa: It's true, I have.

Rosa: I'm not a cop anymore, and I have a prescription for anxiety, so it's legal. It'll be good for when all the drama starts.
Amy: Why do you think there's gonna be drama?
Rosa: Oh, no, you're right. Whenever we go on one of these group trips everything's totally normal and there's never any big conflict. Anyway, I'm just gonna pop one of these right now for no reason.
Amy: I'm not looking.

Jake: Okay, just give it a shot. They're already separated, it can't get any worse.
Rosa: It's a really good point.
Jake: Thank you, Rosa.
Amy: She's high as hell.
Rosa: That's also a really good point.
Jake: Damn it, Rosa!

Charles: Are there tools in here? You see a saw anywhere?
Rosa: I told you to stay away, Charles. I'm not into your energy.